The Dreaded 'Family Emergency'

I cannot even imagine driving 1+ hour for a date just to be blown off. That's horrible. Originally Posted by bustybabygirl

That's why ya need a plan B .... and maybe a C.....

Yes, this stuff happens. I just roll with it.

Ladies and gents, I've been hobbying since Christ was a kid, and if I hear "I had a family emergency" one more time, I'm gonna scream. In years past, I just accepted the story and wished them well. But I'm gonna start calling bullshit on it moving forward.

It's double edged sword too. Us hobbyists gotta take our medicine, cuz God forbid you should doubt their story. That would make YOU look like an insensitive jackass. Well guess what? I'm not buying it anymore. If you wanna play games and give us the runaround, come up with something fresh. And pet emergencies are getting old too, so don't even.

I figure 10% of these claims have merit, so once out of every ten times I get swept under the rug because of these 'emergencies', I'll actually give the provider the benefit of the doubt. Other than that, sorry but I'll take my business elsewhere. I'm slowly but surely learning that despite your great ass or your superior head giving skills, the best providers are the ones who communicate, and treat the provider with a level of respect.

Happy hobbying and providing. Originally Posted by OrdAvgGuy

Ain't this the truth! I wish more providers (and Johns) understood this.

That said, I would get a real kick out of a provider who came up with creative or brutally honest excuses for blowing me off. Like:

1. I'm sorry, but I've thought long and hard about it. You just aren't man enough for me, and I need to fuck a much bigger dick today.

2. I'm having a spiritual crisis, and I need to go to church.

3. I'm binge watching "Chopped", and I really need to see who wins. (And I'm also really hungry!)

4. I'd much rather sit around and wait to be abducted by aliens

5. I'm in prison, and I won't be out for a few hours (or maybe years), and this is my one phone call

6. I'm shampooing my hair.

7. I've been abducted by aliens, and is my one phone call.

8. I'm gonna blow someone better looking and richer than you, but go ahead and slide your money under the door anyway.

9. I have these horrible blisters on my cunt. I'm sure its nothing, but better safe than sorry.



10. I'm really sore, and your dick is just too big for me today.

I hear number 10 all the time! Originally Posted by KilgoreTrout1967

Im seeing a pattern here..,ever think it's the lack of soap u two use....oldaverguy u smell like a two week old dead fish down below and the same goes for u kingloretrout

Im seeing a pattern here..,ever think it's the lack of soap u two use....oldaverguy u smell like a two week old dead fish down below and the same goes for u kingloretrout Originally Posted by Sausagepants

It doesn't take much, any reasonable quality bar soap should werk just fine. Maybe sprinkle a little powder after during these humid summer days. You'll be amazed how infrequent those family emergencies become.

It doesn't take much, any reasonable quality bar soap should werk just fine. Maybe sprinkle a little powder after during these humid summer days. You'll be amazed how infrequent those family emergencies become. Originally Posted by trojantide

Is it still satire if it goes completely over someone's head?

Smelling Dick cheese is disgusting....and seeing it absolutely deplorable. And oldavgguy...there wasn't any visible dick cheese but the dead fish smell mixed with ur dick leaking pre cum like a Sieve combined with ur threats of a bad review if u don't finish...make ur dick the worst anybody has seen to date

Is it still satire if it goes completely over someone's head? Originally Posted by KilgoreTrout1967

he said you smell

that's pretty cut and dried

Is Sausagepants a banned VP? Just wondering.

he said you smell

that's pretty cut and dried Originally Posted by JONBALLS

I guess that answers my question. : )

Im seeing a pattern here..,ever think it's the lack of soap u two use....oldaverguy u smell like a two week old dead fish down below and the same goes for u kingloretrout Originally Posted by Sausagepants

Oh, yes. I remember now. I went a full three days without a bath or shower before I met Sausagepants for the first time on that hot summer day. I stunk like a New Orleans dumpster, and yet Sausagepants took my rank, filthy cock, the sour dick cheese, and my half-fermented load like a champ.

Review to cum.

Is Sausagepants a banned VP? Just wondering. Originally Posted by jokacz

donts know but yer ...plastic man ...be likin his style

this is ironic

Kilgore writes like a chick (shandle)

and sausage pants like a guy



entertaining to no end

this is ironic

Kilgore writes like a chick (shandle)

and sausage pants like a guy



entertaining to no end Originally Posted by JONBALLS

Sounds like someone needs to get in touch with his feminine side. I can help you with that JB. Now, just bend over and hold on tight. It will be over before you know it.

I can help you with that JB. Now, just bend over and hold on tight. It will be over before you know it. Originally Posted by KilgoreTrout1967

Sooooo jimmie Nutz be a clockwatcher???......

I hate when they say "Your cock is just too fucking big for me to take in any hole!!!"

I know that is bullshit