Am I a Complete Dick?

Many men would kill for your wife like yours......... she cooks, cleans, works 50 hours a week, and is helping you go to school.......

Cheating on your wife because she won't give head due to the fact that she's a selfish bitch = understandable.

Cheating on your wife because she won't give head due to the fact that she was molested as a child = yes, you are a dick. Btw, assuming this is for real, did you honestly think that buying her lingerie and telling her you wanted her to pole dance was the best way to deal with her sexuality issues? Are you really that dense?

For the civilian ladies, cleaning the kitchen or hiring a maid will get you more sex than buying that stuff (which is for YOU anyway, except the flowers).

not cooking/cleaning/doing laundry and then changing into lingerie to perform a strip tease!!!! You're making sex just another item on her "to do" list.
Originally Posted by HoneyRose

I was married many years, and HATED sex with my husband and what Honey said is true, he was just another item on my "to do" list.....at the bottom of the long list.

Unless she's always been open sexually, telling her that you want a strip tease like you would get in a club is a HUGE turn off, especially is she is the slightest bit insecure about her appearance. Try looking at things that she would enjoy, purchasing sensual oil and giving her a FBSM, try DATY, or purchasing a toy that is for her that maybe you can enjoy watching/helping when she plays solo.

Therapy and Doctors are also great avenues.

Thanks for all the opinions. I appreciate them.

jason, dude, your wife has issues waaaaayyyyy beyond your pay grade. Your plan ain't worked so far and that's a good indicator that it will continue not to work.

Repeat after me (and a couple of others): It's about HER - not you.

You may or may not be surprised that she could have just as easily gone the other way and became a total "slut/nympho" because of the damage done to her self image by her molester. Left to their own devices, such victims become either like your wife or as described in the last sentence. She can't fix it and you can't fix it - if either of you could have, you would have by now.

Kill your account here (and anywhere else you may have one) and do one of two things: Get her help and tough it out until it gets better or punt. Just decide how much you really love her in a mature and unselfish way. Decide if you can suck it up for the duration - this won't be a quick fix. And, yes, if you do so and she puts you through law school be prepared to start from absolute zero at some point if a divorce happens. It sounds to me that she's presently doing about all she can and you help her around the house. Time to call in the experts (no, dammit, not some of our lovely ladies here).

without kids i would say hit the road now before its too late

Jason - you aren't listening to me. This issue will not be solved. A counsellor will try to explain to you why you need to accommodate her past history. Bottom line = compromise and shitty sex for you. It's up to you to choose that or reject it now. Remember, you only have one life to live... how do you want to live it? Do you want to live it with a sexually repressed victim or with an uninhibited sexual wildcat? Now is the time to make up your mind. The choice is yours.

If you decide that she's worth the baggage, then embrace that decision and don't look back. Make it work! Don't hobby and don't go to strip clubs without her. DON'T use the hobby or strip clubs as a crutch because you didn't have the balls to make the right decision.

Best! L4L

Jason - you aren't listening to me. This issue will not be solved. A counsellor will try to explain to you why you need to accommodate her past history. Bottom line = compromise and shitty sex for you. It's up to you to choose that or reject it now. Remember, you only have one life to live... how do you want to live it? Do you want to live it with a sexually repressed victim or with an uninhibited sexual wildcat? Now is the time to make up your mind. The choice is yours.

If you decide that she's worth the baggage, then embrace that decision and don't look back. Make it work! Don't hobby and don't go to strip clubs without her. DON'T use the hobby or strip clubs as a crutch because you didn't have the balls to make the right decision.

Best! L4L Originally Posted by Lust4xxxLife

Very well said. That about sums it up, my man.

I can't believe I missed the part about being in the military at first...mmmm...that changes my perspective a little (grin)... by all means you should seek the aid of a provider for your needs, specifically a mature, tall blonde with long sexy legs. Maybe one who welcomes every opportunity to thank a military man for being a hero and offers a substantial military discount for incalls to her North Dallas lovenest. ok, melody-down girl. Sorry. Hormones got the better of me.

[quote=jason0313;1984933]Thanks for the advice. We married extremely young while in the military

Cheating on your wife because she won't give head due to the fact that she's a selfish bitch = understandable.

Cheating on your wife because she won't give head due to the fact that she was molested as a child = yes, you are a dick. Btw, assuming this is for real, did you honestly think that buying her lingerie and telling her you wanted her to pole dance was the best way to deal with her sexuality issues? Are you really that dense? Originally Posted by TheBizz

I keep re-reading the OP's post and keep missing the part about molestation.

I keep re-reading the OP's post and keep missing the part about molestation. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

It's in one of his later posts (Post #23, page 2.)

Thanks for the advice. We married extremely young while in the military, about 4.5 years into the marriage she told me she was molested when she was younger. I have done everything I can think of to support her and help her out when it comes to that issue. We both cook and clean equally, I'm a clean freak and hate a dirty house, I don't expect her to clean after working all day. Anyway, thanks for the advice everyone. I think I will just stick with having a few drinks at the strip clubs. Originally Posted by jason0313

I keep re-reading the OP's post and keep missing the part about molestation. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

Perhaps I was overly harsh in my critique, but it struck me as disingenuous that a guy would seek out advice on his wife being frigid and fail to mention, until later as a footnote, that she had been molested.

Thanks for the clarification.

Life deals blows to us all, sometimes they leave scars, other times facets, yet we're the only ones who don't see them in ourselves or recognize the difference when they're pointed out.

Good luck to the OP and others in this situation (both sides).

Thanks for the all the advice, after thinking good and hard about it I have decided that at the bare minimum I owe it to her to make it work. I'm going to delete my eccie account, and do everything we can to fix this. I do love her, more than anything. So, once again, thanks for the advice and opinions.

I have made a list of every single one of my shortcomings and I'm going to focus on being the perfect husband before I ever point out any of hers. Thanks everyone!