Im rarely here, seeing as my new line of work is doing its just desserts..
so much for being "crazy"...
in the end, you will someday understand, it is ME that got tired of being mistreated and bullied
and for those that don't understand, I didn't expect you to..
JUST LIKE TODAY
the only reason I am here is because I received an email that some one is trying to change my password
other than that
I don't think if you took 20 minutes to talk to me that I would represent and prove myself to be sane and just a woman that has had some terribly bad luck and misfortune in the last 2-3 years...
AND you would also know I can prove the validity of anything I say or do
Maybe by next year I can be completely honest about my role and my affiliation with things you guys seem to think its funny to poke at...
BUT until then..
DONT keep fueling the fire
Im not here to debate anything...everyone is entitled to their opinion ...
I hope none of you out there ever have to face anything I have had to weather through, be it grief, loss, regret or even the looking back at a life that could have been better spent....
Moments I will never get back, and the fact that my choice to be a provider ended up costing me a lot more than I have ever earned...
and especially the facing of a life and career that I used to love now turning into a relentless crap no one should have to deal with...
I made a name for myself early on and because I am very public about my personal life and feelings, it doesn't make me "crazy":
everyone is different and not everyone will understand the choices that I have made
BUT THEY ARENT YOURS to judge either..
Im very sorry to anyone and everyone that I may have offended or hurt in any way,
and I TRULY MEAN THAT
and anyone that talks about what I've done to a few gentleman, well its true, they all were people they thought could get away with some pretty terrible things and that's when I became bitter enough to use what leverage I had to teach them a lesson.....
NO IT DOESNT MAKE IT RIGHT
But if we talk about what's fair, ....and the funny thing is, no one ever mentions what these guys did to me...?
7 years ago was the first time I had client cross the line with calling CPS ...
affecting my life, my income, the next two year of my life
and since then I had many that did very similar things over disagreements not even related to anything personal...
SO at this point, my thought was, " ya know after all these years and my ability to do these things to people , I NEVER HAVE,.......but now look at how people are treating me........
and what little respect they are having for my business, my family, my home, my time, my income
I admittedly overstepped my boundaries and probably more of an emotional reaction to something very very inappropriate or as equally shocking THAT THEY DID TO ME...
THERE ARE more than just stories about what you hear, we need to hear the HONEST FULL STORY ...
and if I had to be here writing every time someone did something messed up, well...I certainly wouldn't have much time at all
WELL IF I COULD CHANGE WHAT I DID I WOULD, BUT I CANT, I CAN ONLY APOLOGIZE AND CHANGE HOW I REACT FROM NOW ON, I CAN ONLY PROMISE NEVER TO DO IT AGAIN
I am a good person, too good to be selling myself short the way I have been,
I am a mother, a sister, a daughter and a damn good person that is just really wanting out...
Ive been wanting out for a long time..
The only thing lacking is a sure fire plan, but I think I may be close, (heck haven't I said that before...) Ive got a plan I will share with all of you sometime next week maybe, it involves my sincere desire to leave and start a new chapter in my life and finally heal from the life Ive been dealt and chose ...
its not easy since I never separated my real life image with my escort image, that was part of my sell....because I was a trustworthy valuable and "normal" educated sweet girl outside of my business, a great mom, a person with interests outside of my business...and yes even a legal professional, married to Dallas Finest , mother of his children, worked for Judges and all that that I threw away to become Marisa of Dallas
...
BECAUSE I WASNT HAPPY THEN, I had a life controlled by other people and I was being abused...
I wanted my independence so bad I was willing to sacrifice everything,
and many many years ago, I became a provider and it did everything I wanted it to, it was beautiful, successful, respectful, I made lots of money, had lots of friends and great experiences..
I never had anyone mistreat me, I was highly reviewed and loving my work...
I was respected and my clients were the best guys, even better than any husband or boyfriend I could ask for..
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
I ask myself that all the time, HOW did this business and people change>? How did I change?
Things started happening, lots of bad things, things I've written about here
and some things I only share on my group
People would contact me all the time , telling me how much more comfortable they were in seeing me because I was so brutally honest in my posts and ads
....But now 10 years later, there was never a line drawn to separate my real life from my provider life...And it has made it very brutal to move on
Now it is what has kept me in the same place, feeling trapped and very very unhappy...
NOW do you maybe understand ?
Listen , everything is a chance taken, this business is TOUGH and if you stay in it too long, this is what can happen...
AGAIN, I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE to anyone that thinks I am an asshole or somehow boasting about things I shouldn't be
THEY ARE TRUE and Im trying to not let my anger at a portion of people affect my feelings about all of them, ....
BUT its TRUE
Im not someone that deserves your ridicule, your judgment or harsh comments
And if you feel differently , then by all means, have at me if it makes you feel better...
But I wrote this today, just because I think you deserve to know
Im not the person you think I am
and I mean that in more ways than one
I love each and every one of you, even those that want to be assholes to me..
I get it...I understand
But negativity only breeds more negativity
SO for today, I respectfully wish you all the best and that this note reaches your heart instead of your shitty committee in your head...
I hope I can get one response from one person that can give me the forgiveness and the respect I hope to find starting today...
earned of course, not given nor taken for granted...
Marisa
