Funny Stuff & Jokes

What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's ass?

A mechanic.

A guy goes into a cathouse he then gets undressed and the girls take one look and start laughing. They say who are you going to please with that. He replies ME!

A guy goes into a cathouse he then gets undressed and the girls take one look and start laughing. They say who are you going to please with that. He replies ME! Originally Posted by wnykittenkisser

Lol

So this truck driver comes home and tells his wife we are flat broke there is no more money in trucking and the only way that i can see us having our next meal is for you to go to work. The wife says what can i do he says what you do best. She says that could be dangerous he says I will be right around the corner form where you work to protect you she agrees to give it a go.
So there she is on the corner and a guy pulls up and asks how much for head she says be right back and asks her husband the n returns to the guy and tells him $100.00 hes says too much and leaves. The next guy pulls up how much for F/S same deal comes back and tells him$100.00 he leaves without doing business the next guy pulls up how much for f/s she looks down at the gynormis bulge in his pants and says i will be right back don't go anywhere runs to her husband and says can we loan this guy a hundred bucks please.

Paperboy rings the doorbell and a lady come to the door wearing a neglegia . He says I am here to collect she grabs a hold of him and says quick come inside i hear someone coming they get inside she sits down on the edge of the bed and asks him what is the most sensitive part of my body he reply's your ears she says really he say ya when you herd someone coming that was Me!

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for
me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You
can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm,
why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours,
we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in
you coming in for that."

A man calls 911, "Help, my wife fell down the stairs and broke her leg, she's bleeding profusely!"

"What is your location sir?" The operator asks.

"I live at the corner of Sycamore and Eucalyptus."

"Can you spell that?" The operator asks.

After a short pause the man says, "I'll drag her to the corner of Oak and Elm."

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for
me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You
can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm,
why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours,
we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in
you coming in for that." Originally Posted by blthzr666

How do you keep a bunch of morons in suspense?

How do you keep a bunch of morons in suspense? Originally Posted by generalbob

Ask that question and don't answer it, lol

Two antenna meet and get married.

The ceremony was okay, but the reception was excellent!

A priest and a nun were having anal sex in the confessional when the nun said to the priest....sorry forgot the punch line... If it comes back to me I'll let you know.

How bout this one instead? Two Eskimos were out hunting baby seals when one said to the other "man, this is my idea of clubbing!"

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street one day and the priest say's hey look over there at that little boy the rabbi responds what about him the priest say's what do you say we fuck him the rabbi say's out of what.