About being married

I am guessing I won't have to dind out. Originally Posted by Papacorn

Papcorn, this is almost a Freudian slip. I first read it as "dine out".

On my 2nd marriage now. First one lasted 20 years. I started hobbying after only 2 years of this one. She started menopause soon after we got married and she's
changed quite a bit, both physically and emotionally. One thing in particular is she's gotten much more "fishy" and sour down there. Sucks, because I really like DATY. She's a great gal and I have no desire to leave her but I would go crazy without an outlet. So happy you ladies are here!

Well, I do want to put my two cents in....

When me and my 2nd hubby here met each other, we were each others cheats in our unsatisfied marriages. Neither affair were spurred on by lack of sex, but because I hated my husband and didn't want to be around him, and hubby was unevenly yoked with his. I was sleeping with many married men at the time, and he was sleeping with a lot of...well, people in general at the time...lol.
At first we were fuck buddies, but then love grew. Knowing that we both enjoyed sex a great deal, and not wanting to have another failed marriage, we both decided to continue the super satisfying physical act of sleeping with others. Becoming involved with the swingers lifestyle, and shareing the act together has made us closer. We can not imagine our realationship any other way. I am who I am, and he is who he is, and we are very happy and comfortable together, and we are very much in love. We have gone through many lifes trial together, and have been married for over 11 yrs, never missed an opportunity to have fun. I beleive we have proven that it really does work.

There you go...that's all I got...

Wouldn't it be nice if men and women could just be honest with each other?

I've been married for almost 10 years and came to the realization about 3 or 4 years ago that life-long monogamy just was not for me. I have to step out every once in a while. I love my wife and hate that I'm pulling the wool over her eyes, but her expectations of monogamy just aren't realistic. When I broached the subject of an "open marriage" with her a few years ago, you would have thought that I suggested killing kittens for fun the way she reacted. I backtracked immediately and told her I was just thinking out loud. I don't think she believed me, and I think she has been suspicious of me ever since.

Can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

Everybody and every marriage is different. I can tell your that in my case, the sex just dropped off. It wasn't like it was a gradual decline either. After my first year of marriage, we'd have sex once every 2-3 months and it got worse from there.

I was forced to come to the conclusion that if I wanted to have sex, I'd have to find it outside of my marriage. I wasn't happy about this and in fact, I'm a little bitter about it. I'm still married but I couldn't tell you if I love my wife or not because I honestly don't know.

But back to the topic on hand...if I had to guess, you'll probably notice a little drop of simply because you'll fall into a routine and other factors will dictate whether you or your wife will be in the mood. Just don't go into your marriage thinking that sex will stop and that you'll have to stray because you'll be lowering your threshold and it will be easy to cheat because you're expecting that you'll have to do so.

i have been married 17yrs and yes, the sex ain't what it used to be.
i do agree with what NSAFUN05 said "I was forced to come to the conclusion that if I wanted to have sex, I'd have to find it outside of my marriage. I wasn't happy about this and in fact, I'm a little bitter about it."
I think that hits the nail on the head. I wouldnt even be on this site if everything was good with our sex life. I havent hobbied yet, but i have been lurking on ASPD for the past few years and i feel that its coming to that if something doesnt change.

If i had it to do over there are many things that i would change but i would still get married again, so good luck to you!

(1) Did the sex (quality/quantity) really decline right after getting married? Right now, mine is pretty much everything I could want it to be, but I've never been married, so I dunno. I have lived with a few women, and eventually got bored, but they were quite different from my fiance. Originally Posted by npita

For me, there wasn't much drop off until the first pregnancy (you know how some women supposedly get all horny when they're pregnant?--well not my ex). It then picked up again but not quite back to pre-marriage levels. When we had trouble conceiving for the next pregnancy, sex became a chore for both of us that needed to be done at the right time no matter how tired or stressed either of us was at the time. During and after the second pregnancy, sex just dropped off her to do list and never returned.

(2) Do many of you that hobby just do it for variety or is it mostly due to the sex (or lack thereof) at home?

(3) For those who do it for lack of adequate sex aty home, would you hobby if your home sex life was what you wanted it to be? Were there any signs before getting married that you ignored or didn't notice that would have alerted you to what would happen after getting married? Originally Posted by npita

I never hobbied while married. Started after I got divorced because I wasn't in an emotional place to have a relationship but needed sex. Have since had a couple of LTRs and stopped hobbying during both of those. But it was very difficult even thought there was no lack of sex or attraction in either relationship--I just craved the variety and thrill I had come to love in the hobby. I sometimes wonder if my involvement in the hobby ruins me for a future relationship because I know I will always have that craving for strange. I didn't really feel the same way in my marriage, which was before my exposure to this. If you feel the same way, I suggest that you totally divorce yourself from review boards. I didn't during my LTRs and reading about things and looking at pictures just fed my desire. I'm not sure if I would have ever slipped back into the hobby if those relationships had lasted longer, especially whenever we hit the inevitable rough patch.

I have been married for longer than I have been single, and we have a great relationship. We also have an understanding, as long as its a provider, it's not cheating.

Other than that we rarely talk about it, and I am discrete enough to not rub her face in it, but she has suggested I go get a treat for my birthday before or made other very subtle comments like this. As much as it hurts my pride to say it, I think she enjoys the break every now and then.

I have a few questions for married or divorced hobbyists. I am planning to get married in about a year and I'm no longer hobbying. The reason I'm still active on this board is that my best friend in real life is a provider who is well known here, we will always be friends and even though I can't contribute reviews, I'd still like to contrbute what I've learned to ECCIE when possible. I'm 51 and it will be the first time I've gotten married. Here are my questions: Originally Posted by npita

If you are serious about getting of the hobby, you need to get away from these hobby boards. After awhile you will start to get bored, then the reviews you just skimmed through, you will start looking at more carefully. You will see an ad just posted by some hotty and she will be the type of gal you looked for in 'the good old days', then things will slowly and surely progress until you are in the hobby again.

We are all here for various reasons, IMHO the primary reason is that we are a huge support group for each other. We post things we could never post or talk about in the real world. For the most part we are secure on the hobby boards, secure in the context that nobody is judging us. By doing this, we are in a comfort zone, that Dear Abby and others would not be able to comprehend.

If you are serious about making a go of your upcoming marriage, you need to run as far as you can away from hobby boards, and provider ads in such places as eros, craigslist, and backpage.

I wish you well, however at your age, you may find that you are more set in your single ways than you can imagine.

In my opinion the hobby is a great alternative to divorce as it allows for an outlet without the emotional bonds which estrange a relationship. The two caveats are discretion and money. No embarrassment and no drop in lifestyle for the family.

My friends who join church book clubs for ladies increase their sex levels in a huge way. One of the books on the list is always Surrendered Wife which advises women to have sex with their husbands whenever/wherever he wants.

I found this interesting quote from Ann Coulter: "I mean, this is now well-documented, that Christians have more sex, better sex, more sexual satisfaction."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,232859,00.html

Sending the wife to a book club might be cheaper but look at all the great ladies on this board..

I have been married twice and have to say that I have absolutely no plans on ever going through that stupidity again.
My first wife changed after the attention from others over getting married dwindled and the actual work of maintaining a happy relationship started. We did not last 3 years.
My second wife went to a "tent revival" and suddenly I was a "spawn of satan" if I did not see eye-to-eye with those nuts. Killed that marriage six months into it and spent the next year and a half fighting her in court over nothing because her "devoute christian friends" told her to.
I know this is not typical, but I know too many people who have experienced their partner or themselves changing once they got married.
In the words of Gene Simmons: "Marriage is an institution, and you must be fully committed to it. That sounds crazy to me."
I don't plan on going "crazy" a third time.

The absolute best piece of advice I can offer is..... NEVER stop kissing each other. Don't let the kisses you do have turn into just "pecks". Once the kissing goes, the passion goes out of the relationship.

A big +1 to that!

I believe it's vital to keep the passion alive in a marriage. When it starts to go out you can't just relight the fires when you want to. When they go out they're out for good.