Question for The Gents Regarding Their Significant Others

Mansfield -- I hope that you don't hobby like you golf:

I tell her I'm going golfing and as long as I come back with fewer balls than I left with she's OK believing that

I always try to get back with the same number of balls as I had in the bag when I left the house. (Yowzah!)

The lovely Mya Michelle makes some interesting points, but I don't really think we're all blaming the kids:

I dunno how much some women can use the kids thing as a deflect, because kids are not up under you 24/7. I mean most women have lots of family willing to help take care of the baby and give mom a break. ***
& personally i can not stand they way society and people talk about kids like they are the evil forces of this world, kids do not ruin lives, adults ruin lives, sheesh stop blaming the babies lol cause i know plenty of people without kids who are miserable and no more horny, or better off than the next folks with kids.

I love both my babies (now grown-ass adults). And I definitely don't blame them for the lack of sex. I don't know whether it something biological with the lovely Mrs. Stag, or whether it was attitudinal, or what the deal was, but I don't think it was just fatigue from taking care of kids (I stayed awake as much as she did, and was a good husband and father from the start). It just happened. And it seems to happen that way with a significant percentage of women -- significant enough that several psychological journals talk about it as a diagnosable disorder.

It is funny to see how many guys here say they've experienced something similar. And yes, Mya, we're all so very glad that some of you lovelies just get hornier after having that baby! See? It all works out in the end.

It's not that with me. Sometimes a man just wants sex without having to fucking talk about it. Just suck my dick and swallow. Fuck! I don't want to think about kids, bills, business--just lips on the dick. Originally Posted by str8.2.bbbj

"We don't pay them to have sex with us; we pay them to leave when we're finished!"

I know this was specifically asked of the men BUT I have a rather interesting perspective to share, once a former "wife" who experienced a cheating husband and now as the lady on the other end.

I don't believe there is a widespread diagnosable disorder that seems to hit wives. In fact, I know many of your SOs can exceed your wildest expectations in the "freak" department.

In some cases, one partner can be solely responsible for causing the lack of attraction. For instance, if your wife let's herself go...gains weight, stops dressing up, puts in zero effort in her appearance. I've even known women who get so comfortable they openly pass gas and even go number 2 with the door open. Um, who wants to fuck that? Not your fault, hers. Obviously she has forgotten how to be a lady and that first and foremost you are a MAN.

On the other end, men tend to forget that their wives are still ladies. Just as when you were trying to get her to be yours, you should never forget to treat her as a lady - THE LADY of all ladies. Don't fall off on opening her doors, going out of your way to carry heavy objects and never stop LUSTING for her. Many men make the mistake of not treating their wife like they treat other attractive women. I myself witnessed my husband speed up his step to get the door at 7-11 for a women he didn't know but god forbid I reached the door first and stood expecting him to open it.

Remember why you married her! It wasn't because she was the freak of all freaks. In fact, you probably fucked your share of freaks before meeting her and she most likely stood out because she wasn't that. Your future wife was cut from a different sort of cloth, she was the kind of woman you wanted to mother your children, the kind of woman you want your daughters to be.

Sure Candy over at the Gentleman's Club never fails to get your cock up BUT even if you fucked her repeatedly for 3 months straight, it would never cross your mind that she might be great wife material. You never expect Candy to seamlessly leap over in to the wife category. So why do you grow bored of your wife and expect her to seamlessly leap over in to the freak category? Men like variety, men like new pussy, men get off on fucking freaky freaks. The moment they grow tried, automatically their expectations change and as the “wife” we are expected to instantly become the nasty whore you have always dreamed about to keep the marriage spicy. If we don’t, it changes the way you view us.

If you men have gotten in to a pattern of forgetting to bring in the trash cans or choose to not help her haul in that 50lb container of Costco pretzels that you ordered, you have forgotten to treat her like the woman you want her to be. I guarantee she doesn’t feel sexy … why would she? It’s obvious you no longer lust for her. How many of you see providers during your work day? How many will move around meetings to “get out and hobby?” If your wife called out of the blue to suggest a romantic impromptu lunch…would you make that same effort?

I personally was offended when my husband started asking me to talk dirty or watch porno. It had never been a part of our sex life and I wasn’t that sort of person. Actually I was but I didn’t know that yet. Instead, I felt guilty for not giving him what he wanted…I thought my sex drive was off. I thought something was wrong with ME and when he looked elsewhere – I accepted it. I was actually quite relieved because talks of going to a strip club together had started to come up. I was grateful he had found someone else to fulfill that part of “our” lives. Once while grooming his feet he picked my head up and asked me to give him head. Just like that, out of the blue. It disgusted me. When I suggested date nights, he would go to the dinner part as a formality and would get angry when I didn’t show enthusiasm for stopping at the sex store on the way home. He didn’t want the romance part that I needed to get there and I couldn’t get there without it.

As far as his affairs, I looked the other way with indifference until he cheated with a woman who was my “friend.” In that moment, I saw him different. She wasn’t the sexy, sophisticated, superwoman that I wasn’t. She was a whore. A stupid, mouth full of fucks, cursing, lazy, self centered, indecent, classless whore….if I had for one minute acted as she did he would have called me all of those things. He would not tolerate his wife acting like that but yet he lusted for that.

When things finally fell apart, I didn’t know if I would ever make a man happy. I didn’t know if I had a sex drive. I didn’t know if I was attractive. Ironic that now I make ends meet by virtue of being attractive and sexy.

I met someone SHORTLY after we separated and guess what? He found me irresistible! In our two years together, he never stopped lusting for me. He never once let me carry the heavy stuff. He never stopped saying Thank You when I handed him a hot plate. He never stopped appreciating my jokes and always looked at me as if I was the only woman in the world. Look up from grooming his feet and he’d be smiling – he’d say something like you’re so beautiful, I’m getting hard just looking at you. In this, I was his LADY and he never let me forget it.

In that, I felt sexy. I did things I never imagined I’d do. I was his greatest fantasy. Candy with a PhD in decency! Once we walked out of a movie to find it pouring outside, he didn’t even flinch…he just said WAIT HERE. He ran to get the car and came around to park in the red zone, he emerged with umbrella to get me and shielded me from the rain. He was my HERO and I never for one second let him forget that, I even sucked his cock on the car ride home.

If he asked me to go without panties, I’d do it. If he wanted to bend me over in the parking lot before dinner, I’d oblige.

As a man, you must lead. You can lead your wife anywhere you’d like her to go.

I had a sex drive! A perfectly healthy, insatiable even, sex drive. When the man I married asked me to do certain things, I just couldn’t be forced to do them. There was no amount of money, no marriage certificate, no brand new house, no life of leisure he provided that could turn the faucet of my sweet sugar walls flowing. What I needed was something that could not be bought or forced. When my HERO came along, he’d ask me to do something and I did it without question. He’d kiss my forehead in the line at Jimmy John’s and I’d suddenly find myself with the urge to drop to my knees right then and there. His every desire was my command and I initiated things HE had never imagined. He turned on my faucet and from between my legs the proof flowed freely.

See how this works? Every woman is as capable of being as sexy, horny and freaky as the next. If you choose to invest a little, you shall reap the benefits. If your current life doesn’t provide the opportunity to make that investment, do what you do, I’m not saying it’s wrong.

When you see your wife walk by in her baggy flannel pj bottoms or if she hops in to bed with a sweatshirt, don’t judge her. Never forget that the next man is waiting for someone just like her – he’s going to appreciate the things you don’t AND he’s likely to F&CK THE SH&T out of her and make her the freak you always dreamed about….my ex-husband knows a thing or two about that!

I know this was specifically asked of the men BUT I have a rather interesting perspective to share, once a former "wife" who experienced a cheating husband and now as the lady on the other end.

I don't believe there is a widespread diagnosable disorder that seems to hit wives. In fact, I know many of your SOs can exceed your wildest expectations in the "freak" department.

In some cases, one partner can be solely responsible for causing the lack of attraction. For instance, if your wife let's herself go...gains weight, stops dressing up, puts in zero effort in her appearance. I've even known women who get so comfortable they openly pass gas and even go number 2 with the door open. Um, who wants to fuck that? Not your fault, hers. Obviously she has forgotten how to be a lady and that first and foremost you are a MAN.

On the other end, men tend to forget that their wives are still ladies. Just as when you were trying to get her to be yours, you should never forget to treat her as a lady - THE LADY of all ladies. Don't fall off on opening her doors, going out of your way to carry heavy objects and never stop LUSTING for her. Many men make the mistake of not treating their wife like they treat other attractive women. I myself witnessed my husband speed up his step to get the door at 7-11 for a women he didn't know but god forbid I reached the door first and stood expecting him to open it.

Remember why you married her! It wasn't because she was the freak of all freaks. In fact, you probably fucked your share of freaks before meeting her and she most likely stood out because she wasn't that. Your future wife was cut from a different sort of cloth, she was the kind of woman you wanted to mother your children, the kind of woman you want your daughters to be.

Sure Candy over at the Gentleman's Club never fails to get your cock up BUT even if you fucked her repeatedly for 3 months straight, it would never cross your mind that she might be great wife material. You never expect Candy to seamlessly leap over in to the wife category. So why do you grow bored of your wife and expect her to seamlessly leap over in to the freak category? Men like variety, men like new pussy, men get off on fucking freaky freaks. The moment they grow tried, automatically their expectations change and as the “wife” we are expected to instantly become the nasty whore you have always dreamed about to keep the marriage spicy. If we don’t, it changes the way you view us.

If you men have gotten in to a pattern of forgetting to bring in the trash cans or choose to not help her haul in that 50lb container of Costco pretzels that you ordered, you have forgotten to treat her like the woman you want her to be. I guarantee she doesn’t feel sexy … why would she? It’s obvious you no longer lust for her. How many of you see providers during your work day? How many will move around meetings to “get out and hobby?” If your wife called out of the blue to suggest a romantic impromptu lunch…would you make that same effort?

I personally was offended when my husband started asking me to talk dirty or watch porno. It had never been a part of our sex life and I wasn’t that sort of person. Actually I was but I didn’t know that yet. Instead, I felt guilty for not giving him what he wanted…I thought my sex drive was off. I thought something was wrong with ME and when he looked elsewhere – I accepted it. I was actually quite relieved because talks of going to a strip club together had started to come up. I was grateful he had found someone else to fulfill that part of “our” lives. Once while grooming his feet he picked my head up and asked me to give him head. Just like that, out of the blue. It disgusted me. When I suggested date nights, he would go to the dinner part as a formality and would get angry when I didn’t show enthusiasm for stopping at the sex store on the way home. He didn’t want the romance part that I needed to get there and I couldn’t get there without it.

As far as his affairs, I looked the other way with indifference until he cheated with a woman who was my “friend.” In that moment, I saw him different. She wasn’t the sexy, sophisticated, superwoman that I wasn’t. She was a whore. A stupid, mouth full of fucks, cursing, lazy, self centered, indecent, classless whore….if I had for one minute acted as she did he would have called me all of those things. He would not tolerate his wife acting like that but yet he lusted for that.

When things finally fell apart, I didn’t know if I would ever make a man happy. I didn’t know if I had a sex drive. I didn’t know if I was attractive. Ironic that now I make ends meet by virtue of being attractive and sexy.

I met someone SHORTLY after we separated and guess what? He found me irresistible! In our two years together, he never stopped lusting for me. He never once let me carry the heavy stuff. He never stopped saying Thank You when I handed him a hot plate. He never stopped appreciating my jokes and always looked at me as if I was the only woman in the world. Look up from grooming his feet and he’d be smiling – he’d say something like you’re so beautiful, I’m getting hard just looking at you. In this, I was his LADY and he never let me forget it.

In that, I felt sexy. I did things I never imagined I’d do. I was his greatest fantasy. Candy with a PhD in decency! Once we walked out of a movie to find it pouring outside, he didn’t even flinch…he just said WAIT HERE. He ran to get the car and came around to park in the red zone, he emerged with umbrella to get me and shielded me from the rain. He was my HERO and I never for one second let him forget that, I even sucked his cock on the car ride home.

If he asked me to go without panties, I’d do it. If he wanted to bend me over in the parking lot before dinner, I’d oblige.

As a man, you must lead. You can lead your wife anywhere you’d like her to go.

I had a sex drive! A perfectly healthy, insatiable even, sex drive. When the man I married asked me to do certain things, I just couldn’t be forced to do them. There was no amount of money, no marriage certificate, no brand new house, no life of leisure he provided that could turn the faucet of my sweet sugar walls flowing. What I needed was something that could not be bought or forced. When my HERO came along, he’d ask me to do something and I did it without question. He’d kiss my forehead in the line at Jimmy John’s and I’d suddenly find myself with the urge to drop to my knees right then and there. His every desire was my command and I initiated things HE had never imagined. He turned on my faucet and from between my legs the proof flowed freely.

See how this works? Every woman is as capable of being as sexy, horny and freaky as the next. If you choose to invest a little, you shall reap the benefits. If your current life doesn’t provide the opportunity to make that investment, do what you do, I’m not saying it’s wrong.

When you see your wife walk by in her baggy flannel pj bottoms or if she hops in to bed with a sweatshirt, don’t judge her. Never forget that the next man is waiting for someone just like her – he’s going to appreciate the things you don’t AND he’s likely to F&CK THE SH&T out of her and make her the freak you always dreamed about….my ex-husband knows a thing or two about that! Originally Posted by misspriss

Thank you for saying all of that. Everything you said is the complete truth.

Too bad for the guys who have Freaks at home and a woman that will do anything for them and they still don't appreciate it.

Miss Priss,

Great post. I was trying to say many of the same things in my original post. Lust and love are two way streets, with a dose of respect and caring thrown in for good measure.

I will contradict you however, and say that there are exceptions to your golden rules. I've experienced it first hand. That's when a gent has to decide if he values the woman he's with enough to forgo the physical side of things...

I also thank MissPriss for her thoughtful and well-worded post. It reminds me that complacency is the bane of relationships. While I continued to hold doors and umbrellas, it became expected and taken for granted rather than seen as endearing. At some point, someone on the team has to go the extra mile and do something thoughtful - bring home flowers, provide that morning bbbj before heading out the door, ...

The main problem with relationships is that women go into it expecting a man to change and they don't. Men go into it expecting a woman not to change and they do.

MissPriss makes alot of great points, but it is only half the story. Men don't feel appreciated, either. Essentially, we all have a Mexican standoff going......neither side wants to budge, and neither side feels wrong.

You hit the nail on the head, JL. I still do those things for my SO and give her anything she wants and I'm still ignored. I'm about at my wits end and am contemplating taking the big D word plunge. I have talked till I'm blue in the face. Is it worth it?

Congratulations, misspriss -- that is the longest post that I've actually read completely through in a long, long time. It was articulate, and informative, and (at the risk of offending both you and Reese Foster, two lovely, thoughtful and intelligent ladies) -- I thoroughly disagree with much of it.

Not that I can't see and appreciate your point of view. But from my point of view, your observations are clearly valid, but only from one perspective. I've always heard that there's nothing sexier to a woman than a man with his hands in the kitchen sink doing the dishes, or a man pushing a vacuum cleaner, or a man doing laundry. But I do all those things far more often than does the lovely Mrs. Stag -- and I always have. I also take care of her dog, and clean her cat's litter box, and cook most of the evening meals, and tend her very extensive flower gardens, etc. And for many of the years that I was so frustrated, I did all this, and "lusted after her" as you suggested. It got me nowhere.

And I absolutely don't expect the lovely Mrs. Stag to be a "freak" in bed or to act like a "whore" (a term I really abjure, by the way, because of the way it denigrates a objectifies only one of the two people in a particular act). I never asked for these kinds of things. We were both good Christian kids before marriage, so we didn't do anything beyond second base before our wedding day. After the wedding, we both explored our sexuality liberally together before our first kid was born, including various coital positions and experimenting with oral sex, and she always professed to enjoy all of it -- especially oral sex. And because of the kind of people we are, most of those sessions started with Mrs. Stag in baggy flannel pajama pants and a sweat shirt (or more usually, a long-sleeved t-shirt), and I still like that look A LOT. Sex for us didn't seem "freaky" but usually did include lots of post-climax cuddling, and laying naked together, usually with me continuing to stroke her hair, and spooning while I softly stroked her belly and cuddled her breasts while we talked. THAT is what I missed when it all came to a halt. And THAT'S what I truly continue to miss. And when I find a lovely lady here who will provide some sexual release followed by that kind of personal intimacy, I very truly treasure it.

So you see, I HAVE invested a little. Then i invested a lot. And I continue to invest a lot even though I know I'm never going to get laid (much less "freaky"), but I do it because I still love her as a person, and as a grandmother to my grandbabies, and because when I'm 82 and too damned old to even remember having sex with her, I would still like to hear her puttering through the house.

But every now and again, a guy's just got to get him some. And that ain't happening in the lovely Mrs. Stag's bed.

As an aside, I like the observation of my fellow member of the Bar, who happens to be Jewish. Things do get worse for both sides when neither side feels the appropriate level of appreciation. And it can turn into a standoff that spirals down. Misspriss, it's just speculation on my part, but is it possible that this might have to contributed to your marital problems? (Please read that previous sentence in a non-accusatory tone.)

I Hobby to enjoy the variety of pussy and experience of Providers in this part of Texas. I love seeing a woman naked...as many varieties, shapes, colors and markings as possible before I'm too old. The difference re personalities, eroticism, kinks, likes and dislikes makes each experience worth enjoying. It's a satisfying moment when the Provider pulls a load from me one way of another and feeling a woman cumming from DATY is a rush. A wife can be exciting but after 4 kids, life gets complicated and the spontaneity goes away. Sex with a Provider isn't planned around the kids being in bed, the wife not having a traumatic day at work or varuious volunteer or school projects backing us into a state of exhaustion. We've done the "lifestyle" and I've watched her taking another man's cock in a variety of openings. If she enjoyed it that was cool with me. She said she could take it or leave it and would rather be home reading a book and sipping on a glass of wine after the kiddos are asleep. I enjoy sex and want it on a more regular basis so it's fortunate there are women willing to offer it on an "as needed" basis.

You hit the nail on the head, JL. I still do those things for my SO and give her anything she wants and I'm still ignored. I'm about at my wits end and am contemplating taking the big D word plunge. I have talked till I'm blue in the face. Is it worth it? Originally Posted by wolfking1212

Congratulations, misspriss -- that is the longest post that I've actually read completely through in a long, long time. It was articulate, and informative, and (at the risk of offending both you and Reese Foster, two lovely, thoughtful and intelligent ladies) -- I thoroughly disagree with much of it.

Not that I can't see and appreciate your point of view. But from my point of view, your observations are clearly valid, but only from one perspective. I've always heard that there's nothing sexier to a woman than a man with his hands in the kitchen sink doing the dishes, or a man pushing a vacuum cleaner, or a man doing laundry. But I do all those things far more often than does the lovely Mrs. Stag -- and I always have. I also take care of her dog, and clean her cat's litter box, and cook most of the evening meals, and tend her very extensive flower gardens, etc. And for many of the years that I was so frustrated, I did all this, and "lusted after her" as you suggested. It got me nowhere.

And I absolutely don't expect the lovely Mrs. Stag to be a "freak" in bed or to act like a "whore" (a term I really abjure, by the way, because of the way it denigrates a objectifies only one of the two people in a particular act). I never asked for these kinds of things. We were both good Christian kids before marriage, so we didn't do anything beyond second base before our wedding day. After the wedding, we both explored our sexuality liberally together before our first kid was born, including various coital positions and experimenting with oral sex, and she always professed to enjoy all of it -- especially oral sex. And because of the kind of people we are, most of those sessions started with Mrs. Stag in baggy flannel pajama pants and a sweat shirt (or more usually, a long-sleeved t-shirt), and I still like that look A LOT. Sex for us didn't seem "freaky" but usually did include lots of post-climax cuddling, and laying naked together, usually with me continuing to stroke her hair, and spooning while I softly stroked her belly and cuddled her breasts while we talked. THAT is what I missed when it all came to a halt. And THAT'S what I truly continue to miss. And when I find a lovely lady here who will provide some sexual release followed by that kind of personal intimacy, I very truly treasure it.

So you see, I HAVE invested a little. Then i invested a lot. And I continue to invest a lot even though I know I'm never going to get laid (much less "freaky"), but I do it because I still love her as a person, and as a grandmother to my grandbabies, and because when I'm 82 and too damned old to even remember having sex with her, I would still like to hear her puttering through the house.

But every now and again, a guy's just got to get him some. And that ain't happening in the lovely Mrs. Stag's bed.

As an aside, I like the observation of my fellow member of the Bar, who happens to be Jewish. Things do get worse for both sides when neither side feels the appropriate level of appreciation. And it can turn into a standoff that spirals down. Misspriss, it's just speculation on my part, but is it possible that this might have to contributed to your marital problems? (Please read that previous sentence in a non-accusatory tone.) Originally Posted by Stag

I Hobby to enjoy the variety of pussy and experience of Providers in this part of Texas. I love seeing a woman naked...as many varieties, shapes, colors and markings as possible before I'm too old. The difference re personalities, eroticism, kinks, likes and dislikes makes each experience worth enjoying. It's a satisfying moment when the Provider pulls a load from me one way of another and feeling a woman cumming from DATY is a rush. A wife can be exciting but after 4 kids, life gets complicated and the spontaneity goes away. Sex with a Provider isn't planned around the kids being in bed, the wife not having a traumatic day at work or varuious volunteer or school projects backing us into a state of exhaustion. We've done the "lifestyle" and I've watched her taking another man's cock in a variety of openings. If she enjoyed it that was cool with me. She said she could take it or leave it and would rather be home reading a book and sipping on a glass of wine after the kiddos are asleep. I enjoy sex and want it on a more regular basis so it's fortunate there are women willing to offer it on an "as needed" basis. Originally Posted by txcwby6

It's a two way street....nice to know I'm not the only guy that continues to try, but that get's nowhere with the GF.

Why people always end up with people who don't give a shit about them...I will never understand. Because when it all boils down in the end...that is what it is.

Women who try to keep their relationship working, have the guys that will fuck around on them in a heart beat if some new pussy walks by. Guys who are good guys and treat their lady like a princess, get pushed to the side because the woman is bored and needs a "bad boy". Most people just don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.


I can only imagine what two people who REALLY care about and love each others... life would be like.

Why do I hobby????? I can't say except it's something I've done for over 50 years.... Was doing it when I met my wife and never stopped.... We've been married 47 years and I still hobby today..... I love her dearly, she's my best friend and our sex was always good but still I played.....

I never felt guilty and I don't today..... The only rules I had was to not rub her nose in my hobby escapades and I never used household money to play....


I know I'm a rotten bastard but it is what it is.....I was at an AMP this morning and she and I will have dinner tonight and I won't feel a twinge of guilt......

Why people always end up with people who don't give a shit about them...I will never understand. Because when it all boils down in the end...that is what it is.

Women who try to keep their relationship working, have the guys that will fuck around on them in a heart beat if some new pussy walks by. Guys who are good guys and treat their lady like a princess, get pushed to the side because the woman is bored and needs a "bad boy". Most people just don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.


I can only imagine what two people who REALLY care about and love each others... life would be like. Originally Posted by Reese Foster

I think you have hacked into the email of my life. Saw it in HS - cheerleaders passing on the NHS guys for the "never served time" guys right up to now with people in & out of the hobby ignoring the decent hard workers for the shiftless leaches.