an APOLOGY, EXPLANATION, A confession a THANKS and A need For CHANGE..Retirement? or Exclusive till Transitioned- AFTER 15 years...

Life is one big shit sandwich and sometimes you have to take a bite. Unfortunately, it is your turn. How long you have to eat it is totally 100% up to you. I wish you all the best. Originally Posted by TheAngryHobbyist

True dat.

Gosh, there's a tremendous reliance on the pronouns "I" & "you" in all the missives reflecting basic chacter flaws (that isn't to mean being evil) that's curable, but by professionals at a much higher pay grade or expertice than most readers in this forum possess.

Approach the pastor at that church. If he/she is worth their salt, guidance of where to go in the short term ( i.e. shelter for the next few days) and possibly some long term options, may be available there.

Where's the daddy(s) of the two daughters? Is he or they really in this mess at all? Can they be summond back to Family Court for an increase in child support?

Yes, there is a risk in doing that. If too much dirty laundry comes out in that chamber, the judge may decide to temporarialy make the children Wards of the Court.

Accept that some poor decisions from the past haven't helped and can't be undone.

There's a saying, "If one foot is anchored in "yesterday" and the other foot is in "tomorrow" "today's" just been pissed on." Review the lengthy threads that have been penned here. They reflect the saying in the first sentence of this paragraph.

Admit too you're powerless over the situation, seek help from others, but do so elsewhere.

To Marisa, I think you insult pretty much everyone on here when you play the victim.
Originally Posted by Sampson

To Sampson - or whoever you are - you insult everyone by creating an ID just to dogpile.

Marisa - may your world improve. I'm sorry you're having so much to deal with at this time.

Truth of the matter is, you need to take care of yourself. Even if you were to have, say, TWO full-time jobs, they would crucify you for not being a 24/7 provider. So, do what you have to do to take care of you and yours. That is all that matters. Fuck the rest! Get a job and do what you gotta do.

You were one of VERY few ladies who helped me with no expectations for yourself, when I was new. People like you are uncommon, who give of themselves with no expectations of payment. You ARE a good person. You just need to find your way back . I am VERY sorry for your loss and the cruel words of others in this thread, regardless of anything bad that may have transpired.

I have not talked to her in a long time, but she was maybe the only lady to be kind to me when I was new among many of the nasty cunts who are still around and way less sane than she is openly admitting to being LOL. Kudos to her for keeping it real. Verbose, but real.

Just saying. I hope nothing but the best for you, Marisa.

OXOXO ~D

This is such a serious thread, so I'd like to throw out a song for the night:

Billy Joel "You May Be Right" (meant only with humor in mind! But it's a great song.. Catchy!)

G'night, y'all!

There must be a POTW in here somewhere so I will tag it now.

I think some of what sounds like meanness in these responses is just frustration. I've been on Marisa's Yahoo group for about four years. Many people over the years have pitched in to help. There have been emergency room illnesses, car repossessions, blackberrys dropped in the water, blackberrys broken, hair falling out, evictions, real mama died (not the mama that raised her), emergency vet visits, dog stolen, boyfriends taking advantage, cars needing repair, etc. For most of us, it's just too much to process. Most of us wish the best for Marisa. We have no reason to dislike her. I personally hope and pray that today, things get better for her and stay better.

Moderators, bear with me, I hope Ive posted this in a proper forum and I pray I havent violated any terms or conditions

I had to think long and hard before posting this, it took 6 hours to create, edit, re-write and share this before I got the nerve to

I am very sorry to say that in the last week I have been harrassed, ridiculed, demeaned, insulted, namecalled, judged and continually threatened by what seems like 7-8 people and yet it all may be THE SAME PERSON.......

I understand alot of people have alot of different opinions about women in my business and alot of different personal experiences.

The funny thing is, that I never receive hateful emails from anyone that has actually met me or had dealings with me.

Let me start by saying that in the last few days since I left that vet"s office, the person at No RL Info Bubba3452 has been sending me VERY HURTFUL, MEAN and THREATENING and RIDICULING lengthy emails and text messages from an apparent iphone APP that allow ssomeone to change their number, so it appears it actually is coming from my number.

He threatened me with negative posts on the board and was saying his objective to "destroy" me was his best idea ever...


He has gone so far as to contact my parents and my ex husband ( YES THE DALLAS POLICE DETECTIVE) and my ex employers ....and ridiculed them for their association with me.

My parents and my ex employer are very well aware of what I do for a living , so it didnt hurt me in any way, BUT IT CONCERNED THEM that anyone would go that far to hurt someone they had never met --

whether the basis of his hate is religious based or their thoughts on me possibly being a racist against blacks( WHICH I AM NOT!!) which is so far the only known reason this person may also be upset...

NO its not a personal friend or ex or anyone thaht knows me.

When they contacted every ex employer and current employment resources on my professional resume, this was a serious blow to my immediate future plans..
Although they say it wouldnt affect my consideration for emplyment, WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK?

Hobbyists have been crossing the line with me , again and again

Operating in unethical and less than professional ways , its reached an all time peak the last 2 years.

If the shoe were on the other foot I would never have a career again...


This is what most guys dont think about before judging me and my choices...

There are other things that have occurred, although not allowed to discuss everything

I had been thinking to explain and clarify alot about what misconceptions people have had about who I am and what has happened to me these last 2 years

I feel a responsiblilty to explain and let you know how much I realize my silence and unavailability may have been taken as a rude way of purposely ignoring some of you.....IT IS NOT,

.There is alot i should have disclosed sooner, but as you can see, sometimes the effect of me doing so is to be met with complete negativity and BS

I am UNHAPPY, very very UNHAPPY- but I am not sure whether its conditional due to events that have occurred recently OR because of the MANY events over the last year, OR maybe IM BURNT OUT, or maybe after falling in love last September ( it ended in December) my perspective on what happiness was, completely was thrown for a loop-

AND maybe after losing my 12 year old son to an anaphylactic reaction/cardiac arrest 5 weeks ago-

I now am less than stable and able to provide the services which I am accustomed to ..

I admit it..

Maybe its ALL THE ABOVE

Its not like I didnt spend years and YEARS giving amazing service without a problem or complaint or bad review

I truly have paid my dues and for those that say I have no right to ask for help or that I need to get a "real job", or that I live beyond my means , am so DRAMA, or I suck at what i do....and especially for those that call me a liar...

First i ask, how can these type of people BE ON A "FAN" group???
This post is especially for you.......


After 15 years as a provider, I STILL LOVE WHAT I DO...

I however have run into more problematic and uninspiring events than a human being can handle.I am lonley, heartbroken and fearful of my future and have seen more crazy and "line crossing" events these last 2 years than I had ever seen my entire career as a provider.

I have been physically hurt ( see last years posts), emotionally drained and being lied to, dissappointed by not only my clients ,but my closest friends and family members has taken its toll.....extreme loneliness and isolation is a common problem in this business, that AND NOW dealing with the loss of my son and some form of depression/ anxiety I am sure IT IS TIME that I need to ask to take a step back.


I need a serious break from "entertaining", I need some time to re_evaluate and to be someone other than "Marisa of Dallas"


I have given 15 years and sacrificed SO MANY THINGS so that I could provide a quality and standard of services, which maintained to be THE BEST for so many years, to you

I have always put you guys FIRST, I always loved you and thought of you as human beings that had needs that I could uniquely take care of

I never thought of you as ATMs, wallets or gullible "clients"

I have always respected you, listened to you, and to many of you, I ASSISTED you FINANCIALLY in times of need..

I gave up my children in name and put myself in an upscale living situation and have paid highly for the opportunity to provide you with a unique safe and discreet experience..


I was a loving , willing girl that never said NO and was never too busy or too tired to provide a service and burn the candle at both ends...making me one of the nation s TOP 5 escorts..


I pushed the limits of myself physically and like a well trained athlete, contstantly made it my goal to perfect the ability to take it harder, deeper, longer and do it better THAN MOST...

For over 15 years, I made friends and associations that treated me better than anyone had in my lifetime, it was addictive to have so much love and attention , admiration and respect and most of all...MONEY and stability..

YOU GUYS did wonders for me and my life 15 years ago when I was given the opportunity to be a part of what used to be a unique bunch of "reviewed/upscale" escorts, we were a rare bunch then...


I always thought of extras other girls didnt have, like unique gifts,offering rare fetishes and spending personal time at no extra cost to you...

I was available to you and for you and I have always been faithful and LOYAL and operated in an ethical and professional manner

I dressed impeccably in garters and corsets and always was excited to see you and very affectionate, ...i never held back, what happened with me was always VERY REAL

I made friends with so many of you,many clients over and over again, have been my best friends, when suddenly they dont call one day- or come by or answer any calls or texts....it happens and has happened for years, I would be left wondering what happened to our "friendship" .

I then was reminded, I was an escort...a lady that always had to understand why all of a sudden you never called me or replied to any of my messages, I always acted like a lady and properly respected your privacy and needs over my selfish and childish pains of why I was left to feel abandoned and dissappointed...

I have had more practical jokes, mean and threatening emails/texts and heart breaking LOW BLOW ridicule and exhausting conversations and srguments about bad behavior and mannerless kids calling me for services.

I also am having one too many incidents of physical violence, timewasting pranks, ridiculous expectations and the "hobbying" society as a whole has changed their standards and expectations..the anonymous revolving door and love for a more personal experience has left the building

It seems it is the end of an ERA....(?)
....
Ive always been honest, open and wore my heart on my sleeve

Ive been misunderstood and labeled as a drama queen and sometimes a bitch, and I confess and apologize, I probably have been those things unintentionally...

My sadness and my tears now come from a place of "what do I do now?"and feelings of extreme confusion as to how things ever got "bad"

I have an extreme feeling of failure

I was an intelligent, degreed woman that like many women in this industry suffered with a need to be accepted, loved and I wanted to succeed, be financially independent and escape the control of others I was reliant on ever again,

I wanted to escape the dramatics and abuse of relationships and family and I really wanted to be the best at something.

I wanted to feel like I was a part of something good and positive...

I was a child that was adopted, only to have abusive parents that pushed me away when I sought my biological family..it was amazing how easy it was for them to dispose of someone, much like my clients do..LOL


I was a degreed legal professional that had so many opportunities and yet chose to live a life so different than what I was raised or used to,,,

I was a woman whom had married a cop- had a child with him, almost married an attorney ( had a child from him) and yet, and worked for No RL Info Bubba3452 for 14 years before i became pregnant by him.....

There was a pattern...

Because of infedelity and a lack of commitment from men, and a constant ability to sexually attract and control and manipulate with my body and skills....and ultimately catching my fiancee in 1996 with a provider- ( we are now friends here on the board)


I decided to become a provider....

Through my years as a provider, I have admittedly spent foolishly, and tried buying peoples love and friendships at times. I even did that with my family and parents, funny thing was, it seemed true, as long as I had money, I could have the illusion of friends family and "having my shit together"

What money i didnt lose through spending as a younger woman, I lost through attorney fees in divorce and CPS battles, then having ovarian and uterine cancer

I had then saved, and lost MORE money by trying to help others in some Stupid need I had for gratification.
As if hearing "thank you" was going to fulfill some need.

I remember thinking i would have friends if I helped them out financially or always paid for something..HOW STUPID CAN I BE???

For the longest time, I thought I would be writing a retirement post because I had found a new opportunity or had found love or I had been rescued by someone and given a new opportunity to do something I love..

I have been taking cotinuing legal education classes, and seeking a new career as a medical transcriber and hoping to return to NURSING school, but with very little luck..and especially difficult to consider a new career, always having one foot in the providing door


I have joined an organization called New Friends New Life ( Preston Road Church of Christ) that has provided some emotional support, and given me an outlet to share, but due to the way the program and funding works, very little financial assistance is given in most cases..

I am praying that someone out there will be willing to consider an EXCLUSIVE ARRANGEMENT with me until I can find my new occupation, in exchange for all the time, and physical attention a man can handle...

AN exclusive arrangement with one client or a few, at this point I would operate UTR ( Under the Radar) or come COMPLETELY OFF THE MARKET.

This arrangement is one where I benefit financially by having my basic bills and necessities taken care of temporarily ...this would mean I am able to have time and make plans for healing and school or a new job, in exchange for a reasonable commitment from me to provide all the personal time I can to you. All negotiable


I need to save my life..

i need to save whats left of hope inside me for a better life...


I am hurting beyond belief and it took everything I had to post this message

I am begging for you to not ridicule or taunt me at this time..

I ask that you please hold any insensitive feelings and judgement until you at least ask me questions, or speak with me or meet with me

When you come to my home,and speak with me, look into my eyes and hold my hand or spend some time with me, I think you will see and feel a sincerity rarely seen in this business

I am someones daughter,someones Mother and someones Sister


I am just as worthy of asking for help and an opportunity to start a new life

I am brave enough to bear my soul and admit my mistakes and ask for forgiveness

because I truly want to see different things for myself and whether or not I continue as an escort, I really DO CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME AND THE LEGACY I LEAVE BEHIND


And I BEG your forgiveness, if I ever stepped on your toes or made you feel bad in any way, shape or form.

I beg your forgiveness if I ever acted unprofessionally or spoke to you in an unflattering manner...

I apologize for not being able to be available for services for many of you lately...

I humbly ask that you forgive me for any shortcomings and moments of weakness and temperment I have displayed.

I care about making things right, starting anew and making life a better place for you and me

I am fully aware and take full responsiblility for my role in my unhappiness and confusion

I also am humbly reminded of the fact that I would have never been here without you

I have needs that need to be met, financial and emotional, i have some advice, little resources and support.......I have no plan, no solution and I am running out of ideas and time


Can anyone offer any advice or help?

The last need I have is my rent due at 6 today, or I am locked out.

After that I have until Monday, I am on a rare agreement to buy the home, NOT A LEASE, and the 26 page agreement is one I REGRET ever signing...

I apologize for bringing this to this board, but I am offering something in exchange that is negotiable and anyone offering help, obviously has the advantage

I dont deserve to be worried about these things as my intentions are good and I am grieving,

I would like to say I was working hard last week, and then this sadness and inability to work came back

Last week i paid

897- TXU on 9.28
228- Dallas Water Utilities 9.28
112-T-mobile 9.26
325- Storage- 10.1
240- emergency vet- 10.3
500- vehicle downpayment

All of this was paid between sept 28 and October 2nd


I have receipts for this- if any of you need to see this...showing you guys


I do see a more cost efficient future and have planned things in a manner where my cost of living should be cut in half


RENT however will always be 1350 ( which is ridiculous for me to pay alone) and because of that, I have asked my landlord to release me from this house agreement , after several calls since MONDAY that were never returned, I came by the office yesterday and finally reached his secretary and his response was this:

From: Cynthi**** No RL info in posts Bubba3452
Date: Thu, Oct 6, 2011 at 2:09 PM
Subject: 3*** rton; default
To: marisaofdallas@gmail.com
Marisa:
I tried returning your calls you but your mailbox is full and would not
allow me to leave a message. Mr. No RL info in posts Bubba3452 understand that you
are struggling financially for several reasons . However, No RL info in posts Bubba3452is filing an eviction with the JP courts tomorrow and you are scheduled for a lockout at 6 p.m.. Please make proper arrangements for yourself and your animals.
If you intend to pay your rent on the 10th of this month (1480) as your
voicemail indicated, you will also be responsible for paying for the late fees, filing fees for the eviction and courier/service charges.

I hope you understand their position on the matter.


Cynt***** No RL info in posts Bubba3452
*****No RL info in posts Bubba3452
No RL Info Bubba3452



I have also posted on Craigslist today for the sale/ rehoming of some of my animals, including my 2 ferrets and my daschund puppy and my pit/boxer....

I am seeking a new place to live

THE SAD reality is, IF I MOVE< I WILL BE PAYING MORE THAN MY RENT

BUT I want out of this place, its too expensive and too big for just me,

but defaulting on my lease is not something i wanted, I asked him politely if I could find a tenant if he would be willing to release me

ALL HE can respond with is about the rent

I am doing my best to simplify, modify and downsize my life and expenses


SO please, if anyone can help there are several ways to do so even from a distance- please contact me

I wouldnt exactly call this a retirement post, its just exactly what Im feeling and unfortunately, what im needing

I REALLY appreciate the time youve taken to read my post...

If this post is innappropriate, in the wrong forum or contains any information not suitable, please feel free to make any changes necessary

contact me by email/phone call prefferably

And to all the Ladies and Gentleman here, I do love you very much and will always be grateful for your friendship and please bear with me as I decide which road I will take from here

I really want to retire soon, I just need a hand doing it...

Here is to hoping I will find an Angel of Mercy

And here is to hoping you all will forgive me and let me back into your good graces and into your heart again....

Respectfully and Humbly

214-315-9779
Marisa Anguiano Originally Posted by marisaofdallas

I there a Cliff Notes or Reader's Digest version of this available?

[MarisaOfDallas] Notice to Vacate/ Lockout at 6
I can gaurantee a FULL PAYBACK on Friday if someone can please LOAN the money

WILL EXPLAIN to those serious inquiries ONLY

[MarisaOfDallas] URGENT -DROPPED PHONE IN WATER RIGHT NOW
URGENT!! JUST DROPPED PHONE IN WATER, SCREEN IS WHITE, DONT KNOW IF DAMAGE WILL PROGRESS, I CAN RECEIVE CALLS BUT CANT SEE ANYTHING...NO TEXT OR EMAILSS PLEASE CONTACT ME AT 214-455-2555- LEAVING FOR WINDMILL/GRAPEVINE- SORRY!!

********************.
I am in a serious situation that is TIME SENSITIVE..... I am hoping someone can
help with this urgent and VERY SERIOUS NOTE:

I also am writing because it is the 10th of the month, I have not paid my rent
and was not physically able to work until now.

My rent is 1350. And the late fees are 250 by now. I am being threatened with termination of lease and eviction
Including lock out if not paid by today at 6...

. I do not
lease an apartment under any TAA lease, but rather I lease a home from an
individual owner and I have many requirements and agreements on my lease that
are not the same as a TAA lease...

I am wanting to purchase the home but because I am without proof of income/ credit, the agreement is to pay my rent on time every month without fail ---otherwise the agreements are defaulted and all agreements to try and buy are terminated and I move out immediately...

I am going to do my best to make that goal happen as quickly as possible. This
home means a lot to me and my daughters...(Ages 11 and 17)

If ANY OF YOU can help me by coming to see me, or if there is anyone out there
that can help with ANY AMOUNT , PLEASE HELP ME!

GOD BLESS THE ANGELS THAT HELPED MAKE MY RETURN INTO MY HOME POSSIBLE..
I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY AND AM SERIOUSLY INDEBTED TO YOU ALL

IF PHONE PROGRESSES WORSE, I DONT KNOW WHAT ILL DO UNTIL I CAN REPLACE IT..

IM GONNA HOPE IT DRIES AND FIXES ITSELF..

XOXOX

MARISA

[MarisaOfDallas] UPDATE TO THE POINT.....

It is almost 5 oclock and I have 680 of the 1480 I need

I am preparing for lockout

I am very grateful for all the kind replies I received and I am happy to say that I received NOT ONE negative response

However, .....I have had more practical jokes, promises of help, and just mean people leading me on today

I was very excited 3 times today, thinking I would have my rent taken care of

That is the worst part of today, is feeling so happy and then being let down, I have to say that I always think to myself,

WHAT PLEASURE DO THOSE IF YOU THAT PROMISE HELP then dont folow through and ignore me, and dont answer your phone???

it just takes 2 seconds to say "im sorry Ive changed my mind" or "fuck you!!"

This train wreck had gone on long enough. I have pointed several people and may give out some more. It seems like that we can't keep things on topic and we can't help being unnecessarily rude, crude and socially unacceptable.

Chipper