Just a little respect, just a little bit

Wow, long thread. I don't speak for anyone but myself, but I love & respect women by default. I can't help it, I'm hardwired that way. Women have to earn my DISrespect, and some do, as do many men. I feel privileged to be a part of this community, which seems to be a win-win environment. It offers providers a place to offer their services with as much safety as is likely possible because of the ability to share information, observe clients behaviors, attitudes, etc., and it's an environment where we all generally appreciate each other for being here. This place offers guys the same thing - information, reviews, a chance to screen, and a chance to be with women that they wouldn't have a shot at in the real world (in a lot of cases). If the rest of the hobby world operated like this place does, I'm pretty sure our hobby would have come out from underground a long time ago.

No matter what anyone says, in my opinion the core ingredient that helps to make this place work is a certain level of mutual respect. Respect for each other and respect for the Mods, without who's volunteer efforts this place would not work. When respect is not there - in either direction - it's blatantly obvious. Some people here - on both sides of the fence - are clearly troubled and bitter individuals.

An unfortunate consequence of being an open Internet community is that it allows bottom feeders to get into our community. Pimps, thieves, addicts, psychos, and of course, the Douchebag Posse that had to be dealt with this week. It's a fact of life, so we shouldn't get too wound up about it, but I think we need to make sure we never tolerate it. When respected providers and hobbyists come forward to report a problem, it needs to lead to swift and easy action. Eccie is pretty new so it took more drama than required this time through, IMHO. I bet it's easier next time.

Just my $.02 while I'm enjoying a Friday afternoon beer. Hope everyone has a great week-end - the hot season is already upon us!

The DBP appears to be alive and well. They have been conducting themselves this way for years and getting away with it.

A thread is a terrible thing to waste. Lots of drama, which is my point. Jamie, I feel for you...really. But this is about the second long thread in which this has come up. The more prolonged this drama is, the more it's going to affect you and your business. Whatever you needed to do to redress this issue has been done. Unless it surfaces again, I'd drop it. But what the hell, I'm not the one who was injured. If I was, maybe I'd feel differently.

I don't post much on this board, but had some free time, and this thread caught my attention.
What happened to start all this? Or is it just something we need to just let die out.
One thing I did come away from reading all these posts, that there is a problem. BBFS requests have always been a problem. I have been doing this for 6 years, and for the life of me, I still don't understand why I still get requests (almost begging) for BBFS! Wise up everyone! If a man asks and gets FS, you can BET he has gotten it before and you can BET the lady providing has done it before. And so on and so on and so on. We all are rolling the dice here with this crap. There is no option but to not ask, not receive, and be safe! It's an unhealthy world out there. Let's keep it as healthy as we can in our world.
'Nuff said.
always,
Natalie

A thread is a terrible thing to waste. Lots of drama, which is my point. Jamie, I feel for you...really. But this is about the second long thread in which this has come up. The more prolonged this drama is, the more it's going to affect you and your business. Whatever you needed to do to redress this issue has been done. Unless it surfaces again, I'd drop it. But what the hell, I'm not the one who was injured. If I was, maybe I'd feel differently. Originally Posted by Gonzo DFW

My business has not been affected, but thanks for your concern. I wrote this thread because I'm sick of the disrespect. A LOT of other people have posted their opinions on it too, making it a "long thread." Is that a problem? Long threads are no good? I think its insightful but take what you will from it. I have gotten a lot of positive feedback in the form of resposnes on this thread, pms, and emails. I said what I wanted to say and I'm sorry you think the issue is done - because in reality I will continue to call out bullshit when I see it. I don't think ANY girl deserves to be taken advantage of or forced into BBFS. Everyone on this board deserve respect and common courtesy, even if Deanna disagrees.

Jamie, perhaps courtesy would have been a better word than respect.
When it comes to earning respect, well....
When I meet someone for the first time, I give them the benefit of doubt. They do not have to prove they're worthiness as a human being to me.

We are all of us victims to the great American double standard when it comes to sex.
It breaks my heart that you are treated the way you are.

As to the bbfs issue, 2 points,
We are all free to make our own choices about what's on the menu, and what activities we choose to engage in,
and, condoms are NOT 100% foolproof.
Do no delude yourselves, people. Every time you are intimate with someone, you are engaging in risky behavior, it's just a matter of the degree of riskiness.

having said that, I now await the massive flames that I'm sure I will recieve.

As to the bbfs issue, 2 points,
We are all free to make our own choices about what's on the menu, and what activities we choose to engage in,
and, condoms are NOT 100% foolproof.
Do no delude yourselves, people. Every time you are intimate with someone, you are engaging in risky behavior, it's just a matter of the degree of riskiness.

having said that, I now await the massive flames that I'm sure I will recieve. Originally Posted by garlandBone

There's a HUGE difference in the risk factor when you use condoms and when you do BBFS. You are correct in saying we are engaging in risky behavior, but at least the risks are greatly reduced when we protect ourselves by using condoms. Are you stating that you see nothing wrong with providers and hobbyists engaging in BBFS?

Mika,
I agree with your point. I would like you to consider this.
Who here on this board does not have an S.O. they bareback with?
Is there anyone on this board who has NEVER engaged in barebac at any time in there life? Have you ever met someone either in the hobby or civilian life where the chemistry just clicked?
Last but not east, freedom of choice.
One day, there will be a cure for aids, and threads like these will cease to exist.
It is realy an old argument which needs to be buried. It reminds me of high school debate class when a subject like abortion would come up. Both sides get very very heated, there are hurt feelings, and the issue is never realy resolved.

If I'm not mistaken, the whole point of this original post, was that

oops

oops hit the wrong button.

the whole point of the thread was that providers were being coerced into doing things they didn't want to do.
I respect the rules given to me by any provider. NO means NO.

Dont you absolutely hate it when someone looks down there nose at you because of your chosen profession? That s so wrong. I dont By the same token you are doing the same thing when you judge a fellow provider by her menu.

I know that I'm talking to a brick wall here so I will now shut up and endure all the hatred that is about to come my way. In closing, I just want to say that I dont judge any of you, and that I forgive you for judging me.

Please, Peace.

OK,

I really don't even know where to begin here. I realize there are those who will ALWAYS try take advantage of new girls. Or more established ones. It happens, we do what we can to stop it. continuing to inform is vital to that.

Respect - a big word. Aretha Franklin sang about it, we all think we deserve it. And daily, we don't always get it. In a perfect world we would. But this is not one. And there seems to be a bit of a feeling that you deserve it. Well, yes, to a point.

You have to give respect to get it. And I am seeing a lack of giving here all over the board lately. Members not respecting others, the Staff or anyone else. Please try to think about how you would want to be respected before you go demand it from others.

Now, DeAnna and HotLips - simply STOP! We get it, Yes we do. You have made it VERY clear. Now, I will post publicly - you 2 will stay away from each other. You both are the poster children for how not to post. DeAnna - I understand that you like to dive bomb threads and share your wisdom. Your opinion is appreciated, as your perspective. Your tone is not... it was neither Respectful or Courteous... Hotlips, I know you, I know your passion for issues, and your tenacity... this time, it became personal. You know that is not allowed.

I will be looking at both of your posts in detail and taking appropriate actions.

And for the record, no one deserves to be taken advantage of or forced to do anything.

PPE

Please continue to share pertinent information on this thread....

Ladies & Gentlemen of this board,
I would like to take this moment to apologise to all of you.

I am a deeply emotional and passionate individual by nature abd it hasgotten me into trouble more times than I can count.

A subject that is a sore spot to me was touched upon and like a fool I wenht madly rushing in where I did not belong.

I have some friends who are gay. It utterly breaks my heart to see the way they are treated because of the alternate lifestyle that they indulge in.

Some 20 years ago, my former s.o. and I were swingers. We had to live two separate lives. For fear of being cast out, we could not tell anyone what we were soing.

A provider once told me that the nnly female friends she has are fellow providers because all other women look down on her.

I could go on but you see the pattern. It all reminds me of Nathaniel Hawthorn's "The Scarlet Letter".

Jamie & Mika, I was in the wrong. I apologise. If I have angered you or hurt your feelings, I am truly sorry. You are both wonderful people who do not deserve the ravings I dished out. I hope and pray you will find it in your hearts to put this post behind us and perhaps be friends.some day. Please forgive me .

But what the hell? That is the fun in being me now. I don't represent anyone or anything anymore in this hobby except me. So sometimes, I can do something stupid like post in a hugely volatile thread like this one. So here goes...

* DeAnna Luv, you go girl! Next time you are in town, I wanna buy you a beer. That's what guys do and you must have been one at some point because you sure think like one. Keep representing us because none of us have the stones to say what we really think.

* Natalie Summers, Bingo! to all that you said. BBFS always has and always will a forbidden fruit that some will some feel like they must do. All I can add is read up on the risks of STD's on http://www.cdc.gov/std/ and look at the statistics over all. Then realize this is the highest risk group to play in. There is no lifeguard, swim at your own risk.


* Jamie, I am sorry you weren't around 12 years ago when this whole Internet escort stuff moved off the newsgroups and on the the world wide web. Back then the people who enjoyed ASPD, TER, TBD, and a few others were mostly gentleman. It seemed more glamorous back then. The ladies were hot and charming, the men were mostly prosperous and respectful... Let's just say it was a much smaller and more sophisticated crowd back in those days. It only took 2 or 3 years before the web sites like ASPD membership started doubling or tripling annually. The older members began to cry "What has happened here? Our community used to be so nice..."

My personal theory is that affordable broadband is in almost everyone's hands now. Now every jerk with a hard on can make his way here. We have always had a few posters that were assholes on the boards. Now we got a few hundred.

Consequently, we used to have mostly "escorts" on these boards. Ladies who knew discretion and how to comport themselves in any situation. Now the "street hookers" pound the cyberstreet instead of the cement and asphalt and shown up here. You can recognize them because they show up at afternoon socials looking like television streetwalkers.

Some people just do not know better. We have some real socially retarded people here. The bigger the village gets, the more idiots that there are. It's fucked up and I do not have a solution for it but call it out when you see it.

That can be a new protocol here! "Call it when you see it." Moderate each other. Don't make the volunteer staff be moral judges. If you see something you do not like, speak up or else shut the hell up.

So Jamie, I appreciate your post. You won't garner too much bi-partisan support by a "general bitch" post, but if you will call it like you see it when disrespect rears its head, I think you will find people will support specific examples of it and we can begin to police ourselves more.

We've spent three pages discussing the issue backwards and forwards. When are we going to move on to how to identify and punish the evil perpetrators before they take advantage of anymore providers??? A provider does a "cash and dash" or "bait and switch" and they're immediately dealt with in the Alert section. Why are the vile acts of these male perpetrators treated differently??? Sweaty Black Balls is pissed!!!

awww hun u need some tlc <3