You didn't?
Originally Posted by Naomi4u
No, I didn't.
Failure to express my sympathy clearly? Guilty. Offering unslicited advice? Guilty. Defending the actions of a manipulator and deceiver? Nope.
There is a difference between suggesting that something is really OK (because the victim's actions implied consent) and pointing out a lack of caution that could increase one's vulnerability.
The most common example of the former would probably be those who blame a rape victim of dressing sexy or point out that she's an escort so it's really just a commercial dispute. That implies, in effect, that the lady invited it or at least has no right to refuse, simply because of an extraneous factor like her dress or profession. That is blaming the victim, and excusing the rapist -- and that attitude is completely despicable in my opinion.
An example of the second category? My younger brother calls and says "Hey Joe, can you come pick me up? I parked my car and when I came back, it was gone! God damned car thief!" Not until I ask does he mention that he parked in a high-crime area and left the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition. And my response would be "Dude, first, my name isn't Joe, and second,
what the fuck were you thinking???". Doesn't mean the car thief was justified or that I'm defending the theft; doesn't mean I don't sympathize. Just means my brother needed (in my opinion) to be reminded, since he hadn't acknowledged or recognized his carelessness, that he needs to be more careful. (If he'd started by saying something like "I know I made a stupid mistake," my reaction would have been completely different.) It isn't defending the car thief, it's telling my brother the doofus that he should exercize caution and not leave himself vulnerable. And hopefully he won't make that stupid mistake again.
The difference between the categories may be subtle, but it is a difference. If you disagree, well, you're entitled to your own opinion but I'm not going to lose sleep over what you think of me. As, I'm sure, you're not concerned about what I think of you -- as you shouldn't be.