Ya know...

I have a sneaking suspicion that I've Pm'd a few Providers, who looked at my avatar and quietly said, "no, mm mm.. no fucking way"..

I mentioned something similar in another thread. When a provider days no, it means no. Stop asking "just this one time" "you can't just do it for me"
"But you really can't break your rule just this once for me?"

No I can not and I will not. I just met you. You are not special. no means no. Suck it up and deal with it like a man and not a whiny little bitch.

If a chick turns you down... don't throw out tantrum insults. It just makes you look like even more of an ass than she turned you down for.

</rant>

Grabbing coffee and carrying on about my day. Originally Posted by ~Ze~

Its a tough thing to and a huge blow to the ego, but I totally agree.

What's funny is one of the providers who posted on this thread turned me down and I just put them on my ignore list.

From what I can see it hasn't hurt her business one bit.

I started a similair thread but asking the question from the hobbyist's point of view.

Peace

I agree with Doug... It is just rude to not respond to an inquiry. You do not know if the message went through or they missed seeing it. Just some type of response is better than nothing. What really is maddening is to see the same ones that did not respond running adds to drum up business. Originally Posted by diddleman

+1 to both your comment and Doug's. I was turned down once. She responded, let me know why. I thanked her for the consideration and moved on. When there is non-response, I don't want to double book or possibly have more than one provider trying to fit my schedule (my time is limited), so I wait for a response. Sometimes this means I lose out on the window of opportunity that my schedule allows. And the ads while I'm waiting for a response can be frustrating.

I agree FID would like to know so I would not do or say
whatever it was that was not ok, just me. Originally Posted by lgbsfu

That's a tough call, because it puts the other provider in the middle of it.

If I had gotten a yes and a no from two different ladies but the no was for a reason that might have been circumstantial, I might ask him for a different reference.

If it is the same traits being said from the references given, that just don't sit well with me, then I decline as politely as I can and leave it at that.

To this - Say this particular scenario was the persons first 'no.' Would it be terribly uncouth for me as a client to ask for more information? I completely understand and respect you can say no for whatever reason, and that you are under no obligation to divulge anything. ... However, being newer, I'd gladly welcome constructive criticism with regards to the hobby and/or etiquette. ... Originally Posted by FunInDFW

I agree FID would like to know so I would not do or say whatever it was that was not ok, just me. Originally Posted by lgbsfu

Fun in DFW and lgbsfu, i can understand why you'd like to know what it was that resulted in the provider declining to visit w/ you.
but, it's kind of like interviewing for a job - 9 times out of 10, you wont hear anything back from the interviewer or, in this case, the provider.

so, go ahead and ask the provider why she declined to visit w/ you.
just dont hold your breath.
i say, move on to the next provider on your list.
no sense in raising your blood pressure or distress level cos a provider declined to visit w/ you.

plus, in some cases, attempting to find out why might put you on her DNS list which she might share w/ others. or ever think you are "stalking" her.
or it might put the provider in a tough situation having to relate why she declined based on ref #1, #2, or #3. not a good idea to pit providers against each other.

... I was turned down once. She responded, let me know why. I thanked her for the consideration and moved on. When there is non-response, I don't want to double book or possibly have more than one provider trying to fit my schedule (my time is limited), so I wait for a response. ... Originally Posted by Barrymccockinner

glad you got to hear back from that one provider.
if i send a request to provider #1 and dont hear back after a few days, then i just let it go.
if i really want to visit w/ a provider, i move on and see if i can schedule w/ provider #2.
if i schedule w/ provider #2 and then hear back from #1, i dont break the appt w/ #2. if i would like to visit w/ #1, i'll just say something came up so i cant make it at that time. and i may ask if she can schedule for another time.
i strongly suggest that you DO NOT tell #1 that you booked w/ #2!!! unless of course you relish the possibility of have a provider go bitchy on you :^) or put #2 on the outs w/ #1.

(in reply to "would like to know so I would not do or say whatever it was that was not ok")
That's a tough call, because it puts the other provider in the middle of it.. Originally Posted by tntangie

and i sure as hell dont want to put Provider Reference #1 in a bad & difficult middle between me and Provider #2.

now, put Provider Reference #1 in a deliteful middle between me and Provider #2? that's another story!!!

...If it is the same traits being said from the references given, that just don't sit well with me, then I decline as politely as I can and leave it at that. Originally Posted by tntangie

plus, i learned a long time ago that one shouldnt have to explain to anyone why they made a specific decision.

rationale is - if i give them an explanation or reasons, that gives them an edge to attempt to convince me my reasons for doing so are invalid or, worse, "stupid". which can lead to a discussion, argument, shouting, etc. [well, maybe not that far in the hobby].


bottom line, providers screen how they want, see who they want, charge what they want, and do what they want.

clients should accept a provider's decisions w/out attempting to convince her otherwise.
we may not like it, but it's not gonna kill us if we dont see her or do a specific consultation w/her.



note that the "no need to explain" doesnt always apply to intimate relationships, family relationships, very close friendships, jobs, supervisor/supervisee situations.

Hold on Pm,,,, the hobbyist may have some bad info on him out there. He surely would like an opportunity to clear it up or give his version. It is only human nature to wonder why the turn down. It may be something he can correct for future requests. I don't think a simple inquiry is out of line and is not necessarily followed with an argument.

I decline as politely as I can and leave it at that. Originally Posted by tntangie

And this is the difference between a real lady and a bitch.

There is no need for a rude refusal like "Hell no I'd never see YOU. Even if you paid me a zillion dollars"!

A lady is polite in her refusal. At least the initial refusal. If he persists then it's OK to unload a truckload of bitch on him.

Hold on Pm,,,, the hobbyist may have some bad info on him out there. He surely would like an opportunity to clear it up or give his version. It is only human nature to wonder why the turn down. It may be something he can correct for future requests. I don't think a simple inquiry is out of line and is not necessarily followed with an argument. Originally Posted by diddleman

diddle, i agree that it'd be nice to be able to have "an opportunity to clear it up or give his version". that's def not out of line.

however, after 17 yrs in this sub-culture, all i'm saying is - dont hold your breath waiting for the opportunity.
either she'll respond and let you know why or she wont. and if she doesnt, let it go.
more often than not, she'll wont respond, much less let you explain.


one way to lower the probability of being turned down - talk w/ your references before you contact the new provider and find out if they have/had any issues w/ your visit. clear them up before the new provider contacts them.

No ? Why not ? My money is just as green as the next guys money ? Spends the same as the next guys money ? Hell my money is newer, crisper than the next guys money. No convincing you any time soon ? Throwing out insults, deragatory remarks, bitch, etc.
No convincing her period. You just cut your cock off at the base. 1-800 - waah

One of the golden rules of customer service is to avoid conflict....

A polite no is about all you should expect. If it happens to you more than once, you may want to make a few discrete inquiries with the references you are providing to insure there is not something going on you are not aware of, such as pussy blocking. If you have someone you've seen several times and have a good working relationship with, you may also ask if there is something about their experiences with you that might lead to a no or less than warm response.

Badgering someone about it is a bad idea though and just reinforces the decision.