To lie … or not to lie … that is the question …

...........he (new boyfriend....not bambi) is going to know something is up the first time you give him a bj (that is better than anything he has ever had).
Originally Posted by dearhunter

Actually, if he's like most of the youngsters I have worked with... he will think it's because HE's doing something right...

But you're right... most of them wouldn't know a good blowjob if it bit them on the ass... which reminds me...gotta call Sub Cilla...

oh wow. all I can say is banana republican probably hit the nail on the head. Don't think it would be first date or even third date conversation. I think after you retired and went back to dating you could and should tell him when you feel like you've established a strong enough bond. Even then, it should be something like "I just wanted to get this out in the open before someone else said something to you. I did this a while back when I was in school to make ends meet. But it was a long time ago and you are the guy I know I want to be with and I will never go back." Now....if all of that would be a lie, then I say "lie!"

Brooke, from personal experience of being a provider for several years, I came across a few great men outside the hobby. I lost in a lot of opportunities in being with great guys because I never told them about being a provider when dating. They soon found out one way or another and declined from ever seeing me again.

My suggestion: If you're ready for something serious, and you don't want to disclose such information, then you NEED TO RETIRE! Plain and simple.

If you're not ready to retire, then you need to be up front and tell them the truth. Keep in mind, if you chose not to retire, don't expect to be taken seriously of being in a potential serious relationship with that person. Let's face it, there is a double standard of how men view providers whether they want to admit to it or not. The only ones who were open to dating me as a provider, were the guys I've met through the hobby. We all know that shit doesn't work.

Good luck!

I agree with the statement above... I took a LONG hiatus for this reason... I was doing films and EVERYONE in Houston & my family found out... it sucked, but felt great that everyone knew.

BUT I messed up a few relationships in the process bc I wasn't honest, almost lost my ex/bestfriend...

I think, if you're ready to settle down, you MUST retire in order to give your relationship a real chance. You simply can't lie or with hold the truth... it wont end well!

Brooke, from personal experience of being a provider for several years, I came across a few great men outside the hobby. I lost in a lot of opportunities in being with great guys because I never told them about being a provider when dating. They soon found out one way or another and declined from ever seeing me again.

My suggestion: If you're ready for something serious, and you don't want to disclose such information, then you NEED TO RETIRE! Plain and simple.

If you're not ready to retire, then you need to be up front and tell them the truth. Keep in mind, if you chose not to retire, don't expect to be taken seriously of being in a potential serious relationship with that person. Let's face it, there is a double standard of how men view providers whether they want to admit to it or not. The only ones who were open to dating me as a provider, were the guys I've met through the hobby. We all know that shit doesn't work.

Good luck! Originally Posted by Fukn A

Right answer................

Right answer................ Originally Posted by starflash

+1

Sweets.... Lie to no one!

If it's someone you care about or could care about you will ruin it with a lie. And if it's a stranger, who the fuck are they that you have to lie to them?

Sweets.... Lie to no one!

If it's someone you care about or could care about you will ruin it with a lie. And if it's a stranger, who the fuck are they that you have to lie to them? Originally Posted by srvfin

Hey... she lies to me all the time... and I really appreciate it ... I mean ... it's better than laughing and pointing... which is what the other providers usually do...

Be honest w him pretty quickly or Your basing a relationship on lies and it will not last, i have found my fair share of men knowing and willing.

Hey... she lies to me all the time... and I really appreciate it ... I mean ... it's better than laughing and pointing... which is what the other providers usually do... Originally Posted by ThatManFromTexas

Sweets.... Except for TMFT. Keep lying to him. It's apparently good for his ego.

It seems to me there is no right or wrong answer. You'll get a chance, maybe even two chances, to tell him. If you don't, then you don't. If you tell him at the wrong time, then you could really ruin things. If it never comes up, it never comes up.

I'm not a hobbyist (I'm just here cause I find this board entertaining*) so my answer might be a little different than from a hobbyist. But I have a great relationship with my fiance. If she were to ever drop a bomb on me like that, I don't know what I'd do. I'm not sure if could take it. Not because I think it's wrong or I would think less of her, but because it would shatter the image I have of her. Does that make sense?

Be honest w him pretty quickly or Your basing a relationship on lies and it will not last, i have found my fair share of men knowing and willing. Originally Posted by subcilla

I heard you brow-beat them into it... wait... they didn't say brow...

That is a tough situation. If I met someone and dated for quite some time and she dropped that kind of bomb on me, then I could forgive her for lyeing. However not all but some ladies that provide along with men that hobby have some serious issues that they do not deal with so o would be wondering of there is anything else she is not telling me or something in her past that she shut out to a point that she doesn't even akknowledge it. If that is the case them whose to say that something I do will set that blocked memory off. Same thing goes for hobbiest in the situation.

I believe all relationships depend on honesty and communication. I would day be honest and if he can't accept it then move on. You will find someone who does. Also I would be wondering if you plan to stop providing if you were dating me.

That's my thoughts on the topic. Wish you luck Brooke. Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

I am not in the market for a new SO. But if I was I imagine the following real scenario.

1. We meet by happenstance, or by introduction through a civilian friend.
2. We spend time together with limited intimacy, getting acquainted, identifying shared interests, values and goals. Sex confuses the mind and blinds the mind's eye to the real relational issues. Sex is NOT the most important facet of an SO relationship.

It takes time to develop the kind of relationship that will last.
IMHO the most important aspects are:
1. Communication: Listen to understand the other's meaning and feelings. Is your new friend a good listener, understanding what you are saying and your feelings?
2. Conflict Management. Prevent conflict from escalating.
3. Conflict resolution. Find the win-win so that neither comes out from a spat as the loser. Otherwise unresolved conflict becomes a cancer that destroys the friendship and relationship.

For a lifetime relationship, forgiveness (a forgiving spirit, setting aside judgment, letting it go and moving on without angst) is vital. For the new friend there is no need for forgiveness but he may be judgmental.
So it will be a risk to tell him, but it will be important to do so. If he judges you for your past, he does not love you unconditionally, a requisite for a lifetime together.

Good luck Brooke. Whomever you choose who also chooses you will be a fortunate person.

absolut-LEE

Men will forgive you when you're lying on top of them or lying under them but never for lying to them...

Men will forgive you when you're lying on top of them or lying under them but never for lying to them... Originally Posted by ThatManFromTexas

............unless it is in the middle of one of her awesome BBBJs.........I'm just saying.