Tell me a joke!!!!!!!

Two buddies had been drinking heavy in a bar for hours , when one stood up and said
who is the biggest meanest SOB here.
A 6'7" 300 pounder stood up and said he was what of it.
Dude said you are in charge we are leaving.

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something a little more special.’
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, ‘There’s no money in that account.’
‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!’

See…….Not All Seniors Are Senile

Might have to try that one some time. lol

Jewish guy marries a Chinese girl and they open a resturant...

It's called : SOSUEME.....

Four male golfers are waiting on the first tee for four female golfers to tee off...
The girls all hit their shots OB...so they take Mulligans and try again only to hit all four OB again.. They decide just to go out and drop and as they are walking off the tee box, one of the ladies say's "So much for those FUCKING lessons"...to which one of the guys replies "Yeah, maybe you should have taken GOLF lessons."

Mr Smith is a 75 year old man who goes in for a physical..

Doctor: Wow Mr Smith, you are in fantastic shape...in fact you have the body of a 35 year old man..I'm curious, how old was your father when he died?
Mr Smith: Did I say my father died? He is 95 and doing fine..
Doctor: Wow...that's great, I'm still curious, how old was your grandfather when he passed?
Mr Smith: Did I say my grandfather passed? He is 118 and going strong, in fact he's getting married tomorrow.
Doctor: My goodness, that is incredible...118 years old and he still wants to get married..
Mr Smith: Did I say he WANTED to get married?

LOL ...you to funny

Amy Schumer on comedy central.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmzPp33kl7o

A guy is in a bus station, and goes into the men's room to piss. When he walks in he sees a leprechaun with the most enormous dick he's ever seen. As he pees, he cannot avoid spying on the giant member of the tiny man dressed in green. The leprechaun zips up and the man asks him if he is indeed a real leprechaun.

The little man says, "Aye me boy, I'm a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes."

"Oh neat," comes the reply, "What do I need to do?"

"Well, havin' such a large cock makes it a bit awkward with the ladies, the thing not fittin' and all... I'll grant you your three wishes if you wouldn't mind suckin' me dick until I cum." The man is a bit taken aback, but agrees, because he knows he can wish for anything he wants later. After the green man has cum, he starts to walk away.

The guy says, "Hey, what about my three wishes?" The leprechaun asks, "How old are you me boy?"

"31," he says.

"Aren't you a bit too old to still be believin' in leprechauns?"

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle?

A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.

Did you hear about the guy with 5 dicks? His pants fit like a glove!

Q: Why is a vagina just like the weather?
A: When it's wet, it's time to go inside



Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

You'd better stop before I develop a crush

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. Originally Posted by SexyKaylen

Why did God invent Wiskey??
So the Irish wouldn"t rule the world...

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
She was a woman..

How do you know if a man is a Wasp?
He gets out of the shower to pee..

You know It Ain't Gonna Lick Itself
But its so true

You'd better stop before I develop a crush Originally Posted by ksmarine1980