1. You don't have to be physically violent to be dangerous.
2. Look at your own words - you felt disgust and guilt towards yourself for what you had done, and in turn you wanted to direct that disgust onto JJ so she would somehow feel the same way you do. You were "paying her back" when all she did was what you were supposedly paying her to do. This is a dangerous mentality and you, more than anyone, needs to be aware of it.
3 and finally. I understand the you're not a time bomb, and "I would never put my hands..." thing. However, you already admit that you are participating in an activity (hobbying) that you don't want to do, but you do it anyway. It's a compulsion and just like any compulsion it can escalate and those lines of what you would or would not do can begin to blur.
I'm not trying to attack you man, even though you did pull a bitch move with JJ. Seriously, do some deep self reflection and seek out someone to help you (psych, minister, priest, etc.)