Even though I am an old guy, I began hobbying less than a year ago. I just want to second (or is it third) Dannie and happynndallas--register with P411. Gina definitely screens before allowing you to register, but she does it very discretely. I started exactly as Dannie suggested. I now have sufficient provider okays that I don't have any issues meeting new independent providers.
I just started in the hobby this year and am also married so understand the discretion issue. For me, it was very simple. I joined p411 and ECCIE, they both serve a purpose and co-exist quite nicely together. Through p411, I saw a couple of newbie friendly providers, got their OKs and then was good to go. I personally appreciate it when providers are cautious, that actually makes me feel more secure.
As for reviews, I don't really feel the need to advertise every encounter, especially when the providers that I see are being reviewed by others anyway. We are involved in *fictitious* activity, and all those acronyms don't really protect since any idiot knows what they mean. I don't know what is being referred in a posting above about reviewers being "outed" in a previous website since I am so new to this, but that makes me even more leery of reviews to be honest... But I realize that I need to do my part since others need to see reviews to know who to visit, so I will do the occasional review (somewhat reluctantly). I wouldn't be surprised if there are many other hobbyists like myself with similar feelings out there.
I need to go see the 2 newbie friendly Lady's that made all this so much fun for me way over a year ago.