Men: I am seeking understanding

You say you "worshiped on a whole other level". Is it possible he's confusing hobby and love? It's no excuse for leaving you in a lurch, but it is a lesson to others to make sure we don't confuse the business with the personal.

Btw, I appreciate your approach to the business. I prefer no discussion of finances, either. On the few occasions I mistakenly left without paying, I immediately returned to the "scene of the crime" to correct the error. Originally Posted by TinMan

Good post, TM. I agree.

Hobby long enough, you'll make a mistake with regard to donations. Whether forgetting it altogether or peeling off 5 50's instead of 6, it will happen. It's all corrected easily with some quick communication and ethics. Without the latter, it's just another lesson learned.

The face of this business is changing.

Although I'm one of those ladies who has never, until recently, worried about getting the money up front (I always thought of it as being well .. awkward and not pleasant, either!) ... I have found myself asking to "get rid of the little business part of our meeting, first" more and more lately.

There are too many "nice" men who are realizing that we don't have a lot of options available to us if they decide to not pay. Heck, I was at an incredible (it had an fantastic wow factor!) property just this weekend on an outcall and checked the envelope before we got going.

Why? One of the last times that I was shorted was at a four star hotel with an elegant man. When I asked him why the envelope was $40 short, he just laughed and made a dumb remark. Didn't offer to make things right at all.

So ... sadly, it's time to start asking for your funds up front. It's a good thing to start doing, even though it will feel uncomfortable at first.

Good luck!

Elisabeth, I imagine for those men it's a power thing. They get a kick out of dominating women. It surely isn't about the money.

... sadly, it's time to start asking for your funds up front. ... Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

Sadly, you shouldn't have to ask. A gentleman should diffuse that tension at the earliest possible moment.

Sadly, you shouldn't have to ask. A gentleman should diffuse that tension at the earliest possible moment. Originally Posted by JDNorthface

This. You'll see the donation laid somewhere without comment shortly after I arrive. Whatever happens after that happens.

Id say put his handle out there.. whether here or in ladies info share... Id def like to put someone like this on a DNS list and not risk it.

Before doing that tho.. id give him time to respond to a PM. I have had a regular forget once to leave donation. He turns cell off as soon as he arrives at my incall and doesnt turn it on until hes out playing again (so SO doesnt bust him with it).. he truly just forgot to leave it... and made good on it PLUS PLUS PLUS as soon as he got my PM. Could be something innocent or just a downright jerk. Give him a day to respond to PM. And if he doesnt... put his handle on blast so the ladies can avoid someone like this. Originally Posted by LusciousLacy

Obviously none of us knows why this happened, only that it did and you feel terrible. And you have a right to feel that way. I'm sorry. But let me throw this out there and see if perhaps this might explain his (wrongful) thinking.

Many men feel guilty about participating in the hobby, whether they admit it or not. Every visit brings another internal struggle and another promise that "this is going to be the last time. I'm going to quit." But they can't quit (and looking at your gallery, we can understand this). They keep coming back and keep feeling guilty. Desperate to finally stop and make an honest person of themselves, they'll short--or completely stiff--an ATF to throw a roadblock into the relationship so he CAN'T return.

In the end, my guess is he'll call to apologize, claim that it was a complete oversight and promise to make it up to you. Then, because he's addicted to you, he will show back up with back pay in hand for another wonderful session.

Then he'll feel guilty all over again... Originally Posted by JDNorthface

Good post, TM. I agree.

Hobby long enough, you'll make a mistake with regard to donations. Whether forgetting it altogether or peeling off 5 50's instead of 6, it will happen. It's all corrected easily with some quick communication and ethics. Without the latter, it's just another lesson learned. Originally Posted by JDNorthface

The reason I said "whole other level" is because I his response was HUGE. He enjoyed himself and had to practice much restraint not to end quickly if you know what I mean

Thanks for clarifying. I unintentionally read something else into that remark.

I do the same I feel better not asking for the money up front. I wish there was an unspoken agreement that business is handled first and not thought about. Then sometimes a client has had so much fun and wants to walk out, then I say "donation" oh yea I forgot.
I much more enjoy a session as a spontaneous, wild and unforgettable moment between two people not work and talking about business.

An idea I have been thinking of is to ask the client during appointment confirmation to please have donation ready and placed in desired spot upon arrival. So that way we can both spend more time on each other.

Is it possible we may be narrowing the suspects?

The lady should not ask for the donation. It should be placed in clear view when one might take a shower, get a liquid refreshment, or some damned gumbo that someone will not give me.

No cookie for the the Original Dannie!

Is it possible we may be narrowing the suspects? Originally Posted by TinMan

you may be on to something tinman.

Speaking for myself, the gals who asked for the donation upfront ends up being sub-par sessions whereas the gals who didn't bring it up, usually provided the best time.

I never skip my "dues", and never ever dash on a meal.

These bad apples are spoiling the fun for the rest of us.

I accidentally forgot to leave a donation for a provider I had seen several times. I realized it on my way home & called to see if I could bring it by. She had another appointment & said to make it up next time.

I was so embarrassed, I made an appointment for the next day. I felt like a scrounge.

Sorry this happened Heather. The donation isn't something we discuss openly but it isn't something we should take lightly.

...
These bad apples are spoiling the fun for the rest of us. Originally Posted by stevejobs

It's not often we hear Steve Jobs speak of 'bad apples.'

I swear, its always when a lady has an insatiable sexual performance when the total donation is tampered with. I hate this happened to you hun...gifts up front always...I know, I know, its quite unpleasant, but its damn right worse when you are shorted, or no gift is there at all (heaven forbid, envelope filled with fake faces)