Should I cheat, file for divorce, or lead a life devoid of blow jobs?

And if you don't think of it as cheating, get your ass to a family law court and see just how warped your sense of what cheating is. Originally Posted by TexTushHog

ExactlyFolks on this board, understandbly have more tolerant views on things like "Cheating" -- but it certainly is not accepted by mainstream America.

Likewise, I'm not disputing anyone's personal experiences, but this notion of "open marriages," while they exist, are few and far between in the real world compared to this world.

And it doesn't appear the OP's marriage is a candidate for such openness.

Anytime a married man/woman goes outside their marriage for sex...that's CHEATING...there's no clause in that definition! Originally Posted by Likinikki

Nikki, if you feel that what you're doing is wrong why in the world do you keep doing it? It must make it difficult to sleep at night.

it certainly is not accepted by mainstream America. Originally Posted by atlcomedy

Mainstream America is full of hypocrisy; it claims not to accept prostitution or marijuana use despite the fact that those businesses are both common and lucrative. Setting one's moral compass by what hypocrites claim they believe is like trying to build a house on a sand dune.

Also, mainstream America twenty years ago proclaimed homosexuality "wrong", yet now every damned state is creating this legal construct the media is pleased to call "gay marriage". Nothing changes more quickly than what the mainstream "accepts", so it is not a valid indicator of what is right and wrong. Only one's personal spiritual relationship with the Divine can provide that.

In words of one syllable: If the OP believes what he is doing is wrong, then it is FOR HIM. But in my personal morality, wrong derives only from causing harm to one who did not deserve it. Denying one's husband sex is wrong and has predictable, foreseeable consequences just like refusing to feed one's dog would have. In such a case the dog is justified in ripping open food containers to feed himself, and the man is justified in looking elsewhere. And what the "mainstream" or the "law" believes is of no importance whatsoever.

Wow..3 years and its going south already..thats not good..I have been married almost 30 years and I found that you have to communicate with the ladies..She may feel same way you do but is just afraid to say anything.
Lot of men blame the women first ..but it could be your not pushing the right buttons for her either ; so my advice to you if you say you still love her is to talk to her and ask her straight up..How do you feel about our sex life and be honest with each other.
It may not help but at least you will know you tried because if it only took 3 yrs to loose that loving feeling..usually it isnt going to get any better .
So then its just a matter if your conscious can handle staying in a lack luster marriage and sneaking off occasionally for a little TLC for yourself.
You will find your not alone with this situation and that is why there are so many members here on Eccie and why there are so many providers out there willing to help you out.
A lot of women are happy with being taken care of and can care less about sex after so many years of marriage and if your comfortable with her and want to stick it out you better get used to taking care of yourself.
So you have to ask yourself...Am I happy?
and if the answer is no...you better do something now because you are just going to get more unhappy as time goes by.
Ask around with some of your friends and you will find there are a lot more unperfect marriages than perfect ones and this you will hear from male and female both and there is no use in being miserable.

I think you should wait until you've been married for 5yrs before you make any decisions.... your marriage isn't past the toddler stages.. wait.

So I've given you three different approaches to getting blown at home.

1. Figure out which basic emotional needs of hers aren't being met, and meet them.
2. Use therapy to lead her to comprehend that good sex is in her own self-interest
3. Use knowledge of evolutionary drives to manipulate the shit out of her.

Of course, other options exist. Just giving these for consideration. Originally Posted by Laurentius

Wow, I'm impressed with this advice.

+1

Angel, I have seen your the perspective you talk about with some couples. However, I think most mainstreamed women think of it as cheating. I think most of the gents here would back me up that even looking at porn movies or Internet porn would get them in trouble at home. Sad, but true. Amrica is the most sexually repressed county of the world.

I agree that there is a difference in emotional cheating and physical cheating. Once you lost their heart and their belief in you and do not feel special anymore, it is over.

I am not saying that the hobby cannot be good "therapy", but it has more consequences for the married man. I thank you ladies for the kindness and the special skills it takes to rebuild a mans confidence in himself. Many of you are wonderful providers of more than just some physical fun.

If my wife hadn't died, I would probably still be leading Men's bible studies taking out the trash when I left in the mornings. Men are easy. Give them good uninhibited sex and make them sandwiches and we will do anything.

Just my observations,

cpi Originally Posted by cpi3000

TxBrandy...that's super hillarious!

AngelOK...with all due respect to you, but I never stated that I felt guilty. I merely stated facts about the word cheating. We're all adults...we all know this profession is still considered "wrong" in the eyes of society...and illegal if there's payment for sex.

I feel I've helped many of my friends through some bad times...by offering an emotional safe-haven for them...as well as just plain fun. However, that still doesn't change the fact that over half of my clients are still married men...it's just a simple fact.

If you choose to judge me...I suppose I should feel horrible for what I do...but, sorry sister you're climbing up the wrong tree. I truly feel this profession should be decriminalized and I wouldn't be in the hobby if I felt any different.

If you choose to judge me...I suppose I should feel horrible for what I do...but, sorry sister you're climbing up the wrong tree. I truly feel this profession should be decriminalized and I wouldn't be in the hobby if I felt any different. Originally Posted by Likinikki

I'm not trying to judge you; quite the opposite, in fact. It seemed to me that you were judging yourself. We provide a valuable service and have nothing to be ashamed of, but the fact is (as you and I both know) some girls do feel they're doing something wrong and yet do it anyway! I'm glad to hear you aren't one of them.

The morality of prostitution would make a fine topic for another thread.

Back on topic:

Go to counseling.
Try marriage seminars. Believe it or not, some of the best marriage seminars are sponsored by your local churches. My favorite part was the pastors and marriage counselors telling the women they needed to please their man. They also taught the men how to find out what her needs are and meet them.

And what the "mainstream" or the "law" believes is of no importance whatsoever. Originally Posted by AngelOK

Surely you didn't type this, much less believe it. What the "law" "believes" is of a great deal of importance when the original poster gets hailed into family court as the respondent in a fault based divorce. It matters even more when the judge enter a finding of adultery and starts passing out his separate property to the soon to be Mrs. Original Poster. I matters a hell of a lot at that point. At least to the OP. Maybe not to you, but to him it matters quite a bit.

Surely you didn't type this, much less believe it. What the "law" "believes" is of a great deal of importance when the original poster gets hailed into family court as the respondent in a fault based divorce. It matters even more when the judge enter a finding of adultery and starts passing out his separate property to the soon to be Mrs. Original Poster. I matters a hell of a lot at that point. At least to the OP. Maybe not to you, but to him it matters quite a bit. Originally Posted by TexTushHog

Law and morality have nothing to do with one another, as anyone who survived communism could tell you. And though all divorce is now "no fault" it hardly matters; whether Mr. OP commits adultery or not, Mrs. OP will get half of everything when they divorce.

Law and morality have nothing to do with one another, as anyone who survived communism could tell you. And though all divorce is now "no fault" it hardly matters; whether Mr. OP commits adultery or not, Mrs. OP will get half of everything when they divorce. Originally Posted by AngelOK

AngelOK, you and I are on the same page.

People who equate law or even social custom with morality are taking an amazingly short view of history.

Less than 150 years ago, it was socially acceptable and legal to own slaves in this country! Not only that, in churches, the sections selected from the Bible for sermons supported the existence of slavery as a deity-ordained institution!

Today, those exact same churches cite different sections of the Bible (mainly Acts 10) in support of the notion that we are all equal in the eyes of deity.

Less than 70 years ago in Germany, it would be ILLEGAL to save a Jew from the forced-labor system known as concentration camps that ultimately turned into a genocide.

Interestingly, I thought we established at the Nuremberg trials that "Just following orders" (i.e. the law in your domain) was NOT an excuse for certain behaviors.

I am totally with you on this general principle, AngelOK. I do not look to law, government or peer group to tell me what I should or should not do. Instead, I figure it out myself.

As for TexTushDog's belief ... well, yeah.

It's not just "he who has the gold makes the rules" but also "he who has the GUN makes the rules," and ultimately this so-called "nation of laws, not of men" has the will of MEN enforced by other men who are extremely heavily armed and armored, and who have and will kill citizens for defying their will.

We have actual laws in this country that establish tomatoes -- botanically a fruit -- to be "vegetables." As such, they are regulated as vegetables rather than fruits. In other words, the laws create a separate artificial reality in which people operate.

So, yes, we must all take into consideration what men with guns say we must do if we wish to live.

But that doesn't mean what they are telling us to do is RIGHT or that we shouldn't work to change that.

It never ceases to amaze me how in every era of our civilization we have considered ourselves to be the pinnacle of enlightened development; and yet just 50 years late we look back upon that society and see it to have been hopelessly unenlightened.

Well guess what? 100 years from now people -- if there are any -- will be looking back on many of our current laws as a sick joke created by people totally out of touch with reality.

AngelOK, you and I are on the same page.

People who equate law or even social custom with morality are taking an amazingly short view of history.

Less than 150 years ago, it was socially acceptable and legal to own slaves in this country! Not only that, in churches, the sections selected from the Bible for sermons supported the existence of slavery as a deity-ordained institution!

Today, those exact same churches cite different sections of the Bible (mainly Acts 10) in support of the notion that we are all equal in the eyes of deity.

Less than 70 years ago in Germany, it would be ILLEGAL to save a Jew from the forced-labor system known as concentration camps that ultimately turned into a genocide.

Interestingly, I thought we established at the Nuremberg trials that "Just following orders" (i.e. the law in your domain) was NOT an excuse for certain behaviors.

I am totally with you on this general principle, AngelOK. I do not look to law, government or peer group to tell me what I should or should not do. Instead, I figure it out myself.

As for TexTushDog's belief ... well, yeah.

It's not just "he who has the gold makes the rules" but also "he who has the GUN makes the rules," and ultimately this so-called "nation of laws, not of men" has the will of MEN enforced by other men who are extremely heavily armed and armored, and who have and will kill citizens for defying their will.

We have actual laws in this country that establish tomatoes -- botanically a fruit -- to be "vegetables." As such, they are regulated as vegetables rather than fruits. In other words, the laws create a separate artificial reality in which people operate.

So, yes, we must all take into consideration what men with guns say we must do if we wish to live.

But that doesn't mean what they are telling us to do is RIGHT or that we shouldn't work to change that.

It never ceases to amaze me how in every era of our civilization we have considered ourselves to be the pinnacle of enlightened development; and yet just 50 years late we look back upon that society and see it to have been hopelessly unenlightened.

Well guess what? 100 years from now people -- if there are any -- will be looking back on many of our current laws as a sick joke created by people totally out of touch with reality. Originally Posted by Laurentius

We are TOTALLY on the same page, Laurentius. Thank you!