I don't feel like it always has to be that way. The boundaries need to be set in place in the beginning and each party needs to have a clear understanding of them. If you value the friendship you have to stick by the rules otherwise the friendship will end. For me it's like having a "controlled crush" on the other person.
Originally Posted by Ansley
That's fair enough. I have a couple of friends who happen to be escorts. One I see for sessions (paid of course) the other I don't, though we do other stuff.
I personally believe the payment is quite important. Anytime an escort has attempted to avoid it, sneak it back to me without me knowing or any of that jazz; it has always been a harbinger of trouble.
I'm sort of spooked on this point because I had allowed for a fair amount of OTC time in order to tutor a couple of a lady's kids and I thought it was no problem. Later, she sneaks payment for a session back to me by hiding it in my gym bag.
You cannot even imagine the mess. As far as I'm aware, I never led her on or anything. But when I met her for lunch to make extra sure she got her fee there were protestations of undying love, attempts to extract promises, and even a scene with her holding on to me and crying and telling me not to leave in front of a very uncomfortable crowd, etc.
I'm not in the hurting people business. I felt and still feel terrible about it. I have no idea how it came to pass for her; but though I've always liked her, I can't reciprocate what she needs. Obviously I no longer see her for anything physical; but as she is a lawyer in her day job with a firm I do business with, I end up doing lunch with her occasionally at her invite. Sometimes I catch a look from her that makes me feel like somehow I have abused or hurt her though I never meant to and don't understand how I did it.
So, no unpaid sessions for me. And, frankly, since that went down about a year ago, I have seriously restricted non-sexual OTC too. I have no idea what happened, but I don't want it happening to anyone else.