Married Hobbyists and Providers

Wakeup's Avatar
Why should I tell my wife? unless I am looking to hurt her and end the marriage only to hurt her and my kids. It would blow the family up. Should I only think of myself?? Originally Posted by micanorthho
Exactly as DG said...you're only thinking about yourself right now...cheating on your wife without giving her the opportunity to express her opinion about you cheating, and hence deciding what she wants to do about your so-called marriage...

Hypocritical, scared little pussies...I swear...
BatteriesNotIncluded's Avatar
^^^ Ditto here.

And if a 60+ married guy is happy where he's at, who the fuck are these brats to tell him otherwise? Lmfao.
BatteriesNotIncluded's Avatar
Ditto on the married to a provider. Truly, legally.
MrClark's Avatar
Mic you are thinking too much. I would not tell many bad thing can come of it. If it bothers you stop if not quit whining and have fun.
JohnnyYanks's Avatar
Why should I tell my wife? unless I am looking to hurt her and end the marriage ... Originally Posted by micanorthho
Telling her the truth won't hurt her. It's what you've been doing - you know, banging the hookers - that will hurt her.

And what kind of marriage do you have actually, where important shit like where your dick been at, isn't discussed? What's to lose, but some self-delusion?
Don T. Lukbak's Avatar
Ignore 'em, mica.

There's a real good chance your wife knows you fuck ho's, is happy you do so the pressure's off her, and all she wants from you about this is to not humiliate her.

If you were a perfect human you wouldn't fuck ho's...but I never met a perfect human being. I doubt any such animal has walked the earth in almost the last couple millennia.
^^^ Ditto here.

And if a 60+ married guy is happy where he's at, who the fuck are these brats to tell him otherwise? Lmfao. Originally Posted by BatteriesNotIncluded
Second. Mic, a lot of dudes jumping your case here may not have enough life experience to understand the nuances involved in your situation. Don't judge a man unless you've walked in his shoes.

Have you ever considered that perhaps your wife is not sexually attracted attracted to you? Or, that you're simply not sexually compatible, but other parts of your relationship work perfectly fine for both of you.

No relationship, nor other human being, can provide 100% of what you want or need. So, in all relationships there are unspoken and/or unconscience trade-offs and compromises as your relationship settles into its natural rhythm.

Seems like you are doing what you need to to fulfill your human needs and maintain your marriage. There is a lot of research indicating that a swing in the jungle every once in a while is actually healthy for a relationship.

The concept that once married you can only have that one relationship for its duration is a quaint, puritan belief that that is quite silly. Every human changes over the years and you will always meet people that you are attracted to throughout your life.

But, you will be much happier if you get over the guilt, accept that it is what it is, and enjoy your hobbying ... Just do it safely. If you can't get over the guilt, then you're doing the wrong thing.
All this unconscious unspoken unmentioned unknowing 'understandings' are hilarious.

I didn't know the social contract had some sort of hooker clause?



FYI they are not true, few women assume their husbands are fucking escorts.

I mean....your relationships are your own, and your situation is yours to call. But don't start talking about how you are all selfless for not telling them about how you fuck other women in order to save your marriage, or as if it's somehow owed to you to fuck other women due to your sexless marriage.

It doesn't matter if you pay money, you are still cheating, have some humility or self-awareness, please.
JohnnyYanks's Avatar
Not too hard to spot the married hobbyists on this thread. Such eloquent justifications.
FYI they are not true, few women assume their husbands are fucking escorts.

... But don't start talking about how you are all selfless for not telling them about how you fuck other women in order to save your marriage.
. Originally Posted by Liliana Vess
Exactly why he should say nothing ... It is irrelevant. The real issue is that he and his wife have a non-sexual relationship ... That does not necessarily mean that it is a bad relationship. Dysfunctional ... Yes. But then all relationships have their dysfunctionalities. And, one does go into a marriage with the presumption that sex will be a part of the relatjonship.'American

For all you know, the wife may have a lover on the side also. I have to laugh at how "American" this perspective is. If you ever lived overseas you may have a different understanding.

The rate of cheating for men and women is roughly the same. And, it's a lot easier to walk away when you're 40, but Mic is in his 60's. Have you never cheated and always told your SO that you slept with someone else? I doubt it.

So what do you recommend that he do ... Not have sex the rest of his life, or, wreck his life at 60+ years old and spend the rest of it living alone save a lay with a hooker every now and then?

Those are not the only two options.
Not too hard to spot the married hobbyists on this thread. Such eloquent justifications. Originally Posted by JohnnyYanks
In these situations you never know what it is that you don't know ... Probably more a generational difference in perspective than anything else
Exactly why he should say nothing ... It is irrelevant. The real issue is that he and his wife have a non-sexual relationship ... That does not necessarily mean that it is a bad relationship. Dysfunctional ... Yes. But then all relationships have their dysfunctionalities. And, one does go into a marriage with the presumption that sex will be a part of the relatjonship.'American

For all you know, the wife may have a lover on the side also. I have to laugh at how "American" this perspective is. If you ever lived overseas you may have a different understanding.

The rate of cheating for men and women is roughly the same. And, it's a lot easier to walk away when you're 40, but Mic is in his 60's. Have you never cheated and always told your SO that you slept with someone else? I doubt it.

So what do you recommend that he do ... Not have sex the rest of his life, or, wreck his life at 60+ years old and spend the rest of it living alone save a lay with a hooker every now and then?

Those are not the only two options. Originally Posted by StinkyFingers
The bit about the spouse assuming was mentioned by other people, even if you did not.

The idea that you are throwing back to some sort of 'european' mentality is a tired cliche. Most users of this board are NOT European, it's completely irrelevant.

And women cheating vs. men cheating is also irrelevant. No one was arguing that one was ok and that other was not.

As for going without sex forever or being with a provider...that is an individual's call to make. Regardless of what I think about it, at the end of the day, just own it and don't make it appear like you are doing someone a favour by fucking hookers and not telling them about it. Just be self aware that you are cheating at the end of the day, instead of making lame ass justifications for it.

The idea that you are throwing back to some sort of 'european' mentality is a tired cliche. Most users of this board are NOT European, it's completely irrelevant. Originally Posted by Liliana Vess
Well, that's Houston baby, not marshall, TX.
I am european, and I mostly know only europeans here.


As for going without sex forever or being with a provider...that is an individual's call to make. Regardless of what I think about it, at the end of the day, just own it and don't make it appear like you are doing someone a favour by fucking hookers and not telling them about it. Just be self aware that you are cheating at the end of the day, instead of making lame ass justifications for it. Originally Posted by Liliana Vess
but that point is really good. hooker is the same as cheating. period.
if you cheat, just own it, don't whine like a sissy.

you are not "saving the marriage", you are just saving yourself.

If you have a problem with looking yourself at the mirror when you shave in the morning, then stop. Or change your way of thinking, try to open your mind and think for example about swingers: maybe the wows you took have nothing to see with your physical desires?

In all James Bond movies, the bad guy never cry, sob, whine, that he never wanted to destroy the world, they own it. They are men.
boardman's Avatar
Second. Mic, a lot of dudes jumping your case here may not have enough life experience to understand the nuances involved in your situation. Don't judge a man unless you've walked in his shoes.

Have you ever considered that perhaps your wife is not sexually attracted attracted to you? Or, that you're simply not sexually compatible, but other parts of your relationship work perfectly fine for both of you.

No relationship, nor other human being, can provide 100% of what you want or need. So, in all relationships there are unspoken and/or unconscience trade-offs and compromises as your relationship settles into its natural rhythm.

Seems like you are doing what you need to to fulfill your human needs and maintain your marriage. There is a lot of research indicating that a swing in the jungle every once in a while is actually healthy for a relationship.

The concept that once married you can only have that one relationship for its duration is a quaint, puritan belief that that is quite silly. Every human changes over the years and you will always meet people that you are attracted to throughout your life.

But, you will be much happier if you get over the guilt, accept that it is what it is, and enjoy your hobbying ... Just do it safely. If you can't get over the guilt, then you're doing the wrong thing. Originally Posted by StinkyFingers
I have walked in those shoes longer than I care to admit. My advice is sound. Get your balls back, tell the bitch she isn't worth the time you've given her and move on. You're kids will understand more than you realize. They want their father to be happy not miserable.
Dorian Gray's Avatar
Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people called spouses that establishes rights and obligations between the spouses, between the spouses and their children, and between the spouses and their in-laws.[1] The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal. In many cultures, marriage is formalized via a wedding ceremony. In terms of legal recognition, most sovereign states and other jurisdictions limit marriage to opposite-sex couples or two persons of opposite gender in the gender binary, and a diminishing number of these permit polygyny, child marriages, and forced marriages. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.

People marry for many reasons, including: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual, and religious. Marriages can be performed in a secular civil ceremony or in a religious setting. The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment. Polygamous marriages may also occur in spite of national laws.
Marriage can be recognized by a state, an organization, a religious authority, a tribal group, a local community or peers. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction. Forced marriages are illegal in some jurisdictions.[2]


Anthropologists have proposed several competing definitions of marriage so as to encompass the wide variety of marital practices observed across cultures.[4] In his book The History of Human Marriage (1921), Edvard Westermarck defined marriage as "a more or less durable connection between male and female lasting beyond the mere act of propagation till after the birth of the offspring."[5] In The Future of Marriage in Western Civilization (1936), he rejected his earlier definition, instead provisionally defining marriage as "a relation of one or more men to one or more women that is recognized by custom or law".[6]
The anthropological handbook Notes and Queries (1951) defined marriage as "a union between a man and a woman such that children born to the woman are the recognized legitimate offspring of both partners."[7] In recognition of a practice by the Nuer of Sudan allowing women to act as a husband in certain circumstances, Kathleen Gough suggested modifying this to "a woman and one or more other persons."[8]
Edmund Leach criticized Gough's definition for being too restrictive in terms of recognized legitimate offspring and suggested that marriage be viewed in terms of the different types of rights it serves to establish. Leach expanded the definition and proposed that "Marriage is a relationship established between a woman and one or more other persons, which provides that a child born to the woman under circumstances not prohibited by the rules of the relationship, is accorded full birth-status rights common to normal members of his society or social stratum"[9] Leach argued that no one definition of marriage applied to all cultures. He offered a list of ten rights associated with marriage, including sexual monopoly and rights with respect to children, with specific rights differing across cultures.[10]
Duran Bell also criticized the legitimacy-based definition on the basis that some societies do not require marriage for legitimacy, arguing that in societies where illegitimacy means only that the mother is unmarried and has no other legal implications, a legitimacy-based definition of marriage is circular. He proposed defining marriage in terms of sexual access rights.[4]