So, in relation to the OP going to a lady's place and finding out she would not see him after the fact, I really can't believe that anyone thinks that is his fault.
If she didn't ask, 9/10 it would indicate she didn't care. It's not up to him to scour her website and ads to try to figure out if she's NBA.
He didn't say that she claimed she lied. Occam's Razor explains this...
He is a professional, well-spoken, polite and charming sort of guy. He came off well in his emails and she simply assumed he was a white guy and never asked. Since she didn't turn him away immediately, I give her a few points to try to power through. I give him points for recognizing that she was uncomfortable and leaving. It was a misunderstanding, but he didn't do anything wrong.
As to the opinion that if he really respected a lady's preference to see whomever she likes and that he shouldn't ask why...I think that is ridiculous. This is a discussion board. It's what people do.
That said, see also: