Review: My wife

Yes, they will be glad to give us good reference because that may be the only way they can get rid of us.

I wonder if y'all's wives would be happy to give y'all a good reference at this point? Originally Posted by Reya Sunshine

Except for my wife, part of whose therapist's goals are to suppress her hoarding tendencies. For someone with documented short term memory problems she certainly can keep a detailed manifest in her head of everything she's ever acquired along with a short story of why it is important to her.

oh mikey.. he would eat anything

Frustr8ed and Bebop, I definitely feel your pain! I know I am not the the only husband out there that feels the same, but I would say Marriage definitely gets in the way of Nature. I enjoy spending time with SO, but sex appeal has fallen right off the scale, and at times it feels as if I am living at home with my folks again! If not for outlets here, I don't think I could handle the strain.

...as one of my good (married) friends sez, "all women are crazy, it's just a matter of degree."

My first wife was a hoarder. This was 10 years ago before it was well known as to what it was. Therapy probably won't do as well as taking away her credit card. I'd go to a lawyer, explain the situation and figure out an exit strategy where you can leave with the most stuff and the kids.

My first wife when she asked for the divorce weighed more than I did. In the year that she dragged out the divorce, she managed to lose 70 lbs. I had bought her a Bally's lifetime membership shortly after our first child. She probably went 10 times in the 18 years we were married. After she decided to leave, she was going 4-6 times a week (my usual workout frequency). A year after the divorce she had put all the weight back on. That kind of loss and regain isn't pretty.

Jacqueline Kennedy said you are only a victim if you allow yourself to be. Frustr8ed and Bebop, do you both have Stockholm syndrome? It sounds like your in a jail cell of life to me.

I would argue with you if it were not the truth. Fear of the unknown, cowardice or guilt? I can pick any excuse I want. Why does anyone not change a situation that is stealing their life one day at a time? Maybe it's the creature of habit that holds the leash, but there's always a chance tomorrow will be different.

When I was in my first marriage, a friend posed it to me like this, "If you saw your child doing something that was hurting him, would you want him to continue doing it? If a friend was making his life miserable, would you want him to stay around that friend?" So many times we stay in a miserable relationship because to leave would be selfish - or so we've been told. We have to stay for the SO, or the kids. But if we stay for the kids, we're only teaching them that it's okay to be in an unhealthy relationship. Do you want your children to grow up and be just like you are now? Fuck no. I want them to be happy, and by leaving, I'm showing them that it's okay to leave misery and to go find happiness. Would it be cheaper to stay? Financially, yes. But mentally/emotionally, it has bankrupted me. There is always more money to be made, but your emotional happiness is priceless.

When I was in my first marriage, a friend posed it to me like this, "If you saw your child doing something that was hurting him, would you want him to continue doing it? If a friend was making his life miserable, would you want him to stay around that friend?" So many times we stay in a miserable relationship because to leave would be selfish - or so we've been told. We have to stay for the SO, or the kids. But if we stay for the kids, we're only teaching them that it's okay to be in an unhealthy relationship. Do you want your children to grow up and be just like you are now? Fuck no. I want them to be happy, and by leaving, I'm showing them that it's okay to leave misery and to go find happiness. Would it be cheaper to stay? Financially, yes. But mentally/emotionally, it has bankrupted me. There is always more money to be made, but your emotional happiness is priceless. Originally Posted by JustJane

Eloquent words. Very nice Jane.

When I was in my first marriage, a friend posed it to me like this, "If you saw your child doing something that was hurting him, would you want him to continue doing it? If a friend was making his life miserable, would you want him to stay around that friend?" So many times we stay in a miserable relationship because to leave would be selfish - or so we've been told. We have to stay for the SO, or the kids. But if we stay for the kids, we're only teaching them that it's okay to be in an unhealthy relationship. Do you want your children to grow up and be just like you are now? Fuck no. I want them to be happy, and by leaving, I'm showing them that it's okay to leave misery and to go find happiness. Would it be cheaper to stay? Financially, yes. But mentally/emotionally, it has bankrupted me. There is always more money to be made, but your emotional happiness is priceless. Originally Posted by JustJane

I can appreciate what you're saying but from a man's perspective it's not necessarily the same. I can't imagine waking up in a house without my kids there, but that's exactly what would happen if i left. I can't make that choice.

When I was in my first marriage, a friend posed it to me like this, "If you saw your child doing something that was hurting him, would you want him to continue doing it? If a friend was making his life miserable, would you want him to stay around that friend?" So many times we stay in a miserable relationship because to leave would be selfish - or so we've been told. We have to stay for the SO, or the kids. But if we stay for the kids, we're only teaching them that it's okay to be in an unhealthy relationship. Do you want your children to grow up and be just like you are now? Fuck no. I want them to be happy, and by leaving, I'm showing them that it's okay to leave misery and to go find happiness. Would it be cheaper to stay? Financially, yes. But mentally/emotionally, it has bankrupted me. There is always more money to be made, but your emotional happiness is priceless. Originally Posted by JustJane

There is true wisdom in your words. Fortunately we don't have kids, and it looks more and more like this marriage is winding down. Funny, considering it has been over for years. My foray into the hobby isn't a cause, it's a symptom of an underlying problem, the real problem, and I suppose for a lot of people that is also the case.

I can appreciate what you're saying but from a man's perspective it's not necessarily the same. I can't imagine waking up in a house without my kids there, but that's exactly what would happen if i left. I can't make that choice. Originally Posted by austin_191967

True, but that's why you fight for joint custody. Your children deserve to see you happy.

True, but that's why you fight for joint custody. Your children deserve to see you happy. Originally Posted by JustJane

I understand your reasoning completely. My children do see me as being happy. What they don't know won't hurt them..... having to split time between two parents would hurt them. I'm not judging or condemning. Everyone's situation is unique. I choose to simply put on a good show when I'm around them and then come see you when I can't take it anymore.