A question for providers regarding vouching and providing references.

To the OP and for the benefit or comfort of those gentlemen that are squeamish about being screened.

For most ladies it is an uncomfortable if not tedium process. We enjoy it no more than you do and sometimes less.

As I screen multiple ways I will stick to the references screening tactic as I believe that was the target question.

When I receive references, I usually request 3 or more, I first research the ladies given to me in length. If the lady or ladies in question are not well known and reviewed (or have a p411) I do not accept them as a reference and thus never contact them.

I avoid at all costs backpage references and "spa" references. In fact I do not accept agency references either.

Assuming the ladies in question are well known I request a broad spec of information that NEVER inquires about their personal life or BCD activities. I focus on personality, punctuality, respect and overall did she feel comfortable around the gentleman. Any other information provided by the reference is not solicited.

I do keep notes on gentlemen I intend to or continue to see regularly. Otherwise I have a simple (and coded) documentation of having seen the gentleman. If it was a uncomfortable or unpleasant experience I maintain an X next to the basic information (handle or last 4 digits of the phone number or pet name they acquired during our date) If it was pleasant or enjoyable I mark with a checkmark.

When I am contacted for a reference I keep it simple and refer to my information on hand. "Yes I saw him. I see no notes about him being rude disrespectful or otherwise unpleasant. This is the date I saw him xx-xx-xxxx I hope this information was useful. Have fun and be safe" ect. IF he is a close client I may add a few tidbits such as "his favorite wine is xxxxx He does not like xxxx perfume, He really detests smoking during the date, His favorite color was xxxx and he liked the thigh highs I was wearing"

No matter what information I have been provided for screening or during our date I NEVER keep detailed records of things that do not need to be kept. Nor do I keep any personal information of any client at any time. My laptop is regularly cleaned and wiped, my phone is regularly cleaned wiped AND changed out. My email is also regularly wiped. Everything I know about pre-existing and existing clientele is in my memory alone. which at best is faulty and at worst a complete maze.

Caroline, Caitie, and Jaycee echo my sentiments towards what references should entail. I would accept a reference from you ladies any day.

Personally, I don't always use references to meet a gentleman, especially if he's not verified via Preferred411 or Date-check. I've been the victim of vindictiveness and learned that screening without references was better for me. But I will contact ladies that I feel will be honest.

Conversely, I will give a reference to a reputable lady with no issue. If a lady is questionable, or just new, I will question him first before I respond. You don't want to incriminate him to a SO. I never judge a man by his 'type' because some men have no rhythm or rhyme to who or why they meet certain women. I have given references to BP girls because I believe in every woman's right to screen.

This basic discussion comes up in slightly different ways every few months. Caitie, I think we would all be better off if we did things along the lines of what you describe. Besides the safety issue, it is also just good manners.

If P411 or D-C are not sufficient, then I have a number of ladies I can use as direct references. These are all obviously ladies I enjoyed my time with—why would I use a particular individual as a reference if our time together was not good? Most of them are ladies I have known for an extended time (years) and have seen often. I am not going to inconvenience them or put them at risk for a new lady I have never met.

If I need to use individual ladies as references the steps are pretty straight forward:

1. Contact the lady I want to use as a reference. If it has been a while and I think it might be necessary, remind her who I am. Ask if it is still alright to use her as a reference. If she says yes, I will typically tell her who I am trying to see so she knows who is likely to be contacting her.

2. Only then do I pass her contact info to the new lady, and I inform her that the reference lady is expecting her e-mail/text/etc.

I have never had a problem with this, and the new lady has enough other information about me and the reference that they can confirm if she chooses to.

It does surprise me how many times I send references with name, web site, e-mail, etc., and the new lady never does contact the references. Like seat belts, references are only good if you use them. Originally Posted by Old-T

This subject has been coming up periodically since the dawn of ASPD... Maybe longer. And thank goodness it has!


New members join our ranks in the hobby every single day. If not for the steady stream of new threads on this old subject, our junior membership would have to dig deep into the archives to gleen wisdom essential to a safe hobby experience. Threads like this, regardless of the intent of the OP, allow the process of screening to evolve and grow within our ever-changing society network.

Your method, btw, is beautiful in its design. Once again "too-good-to-be-true" comes to mind. (sigh)