Funny Stuff & Jokes

Originally Posted by Celso

More pics from plastic mans family picnic?

So a priest loses his prized chicken so during mass he asks, "Has anyone seen a cock around?"
All the men and married women stand up. "No no no that's not what I meant. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" He corrects. Slowly a few ladies stand up a bit shamefully. "No no no. What I meant was, has anyone seen MY cock?" He asks. Three priests, twelve alter boys, and a goat all stand up.

More pics from plastic mans family picnic? Originally Posted by generalbob

More pics from plastic mans family picnic? Originally Posted by generalbob

Doubt it was a family picnic.
Prolly more like him treating one of the funnels in his stable to a dip at his fav swimming hole....

Irish Alzheimer's

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest nearly fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "WELL, MURPHY, I NOTICE THAT YA DIDN'T STEAL McGLYNN'S HAT. WHAT CHANGED YOUR MIND?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye, the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."

This Chinese guy looks at his wife and says, " I wanna 69."

She asks, "why do you want beef and broccoli, now"

If girls that are nice are made of sugar and spice why do they taste like sardines?

If girls that are nice are made of sugar and spice why do they taste like sardines? Originally Posted by wnykittenkisser

there are no nice girls

why did the blonde put extra virgin olive oil on everything she ate?
you are what you eat.

what is extra virgin olive oil

Extra Virgin Olive Oil - Olive Oil Times

www.oliveoiltimes.com/extra-virgin-olive-oil


Extra virgin olive oil is made simply by crushing olives and extracting the juice. ... It must be produced entirely by mechanical means without the use of any solvents, ... But in a report released by the UC Davis Olive Oil Center, not only does the ...‎Best Olive Oils for 2014 - ‎Report - ‎Olive oil tasting

So called nice girls are breeding stock

Selective breeding - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_breeding


Wikipedia


When individuals are looking to breed animals, they look for certain valuable traits in purebred stock for a certain purpose, or may intend to use some type of crossbreeding to produce a new type of stock with different, and, it is presumed, superior abilities in a given area of endeavor.‎History - ‎Animal breeding - ‎Plant breeding - ‎Selective breeding in aquaculture

and why breeding stock costs more

back to scent

Take the Stink Out of Sardines | Bottom Line Personal

bottomlinepersonal.com/household-magic/take-the-stink-out-of-sardines


Jun 10, 2010 - Sardines are one of the healthiest foods you can eat, and they actually taste pretty mild—but ... When you open a can of sardines, salmon or tuna and it has a too-strong fish-oil smell, drizzle white vinegar on ... More on fish…
Vinegar Douche Benefits | LIVESTRONG.COM

www.livestrong.com › Food and Drink


Aug 16, 2013 - ... friendly cleaner for everything from windows to floors. A mild vinegar and water solution administered as a douche can also be used to treat....

ahem if you like less earthy pussy, or if it to strong ^^^ sprinkle white vinegar on it

unlike the question "what came first, the chicken or the egg

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?
Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."
"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

we do know what smelled that way first
"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

why did Eve have that smell
Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?
so my prof of my answer to your question
there are no nice girls
as if she was nice, no guy would have get dick into to make it smell that way



who fault is this
ask yourself this
male or female have the higher sex drive
and
Why more men on SHMB than women. duh men looking for non breeding stock
.
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen.

this is also why every women can tell you
Why Sir its all your fault, its always the mans fault
God said so. as Adam, you have sinned not EVE no just ADAM was pointed at

so I find it silly guys bitching her pussy too smelly to eat
as
you made it that way so STFU and eat it


btw:

Jun 10, 2010 - Sardines are one of the healthiest foods you can eat, and they actually taste pretty mild—but ... When you open a can of sardines, salmon or tuna and it has a too-strong fish-oil smell, drizzle white vinegar on ... More on fish…
Vinegar Douche Benefits | LIVESTRONG.COM

there are no nice girls

why did the blonde put extra virgin olive oil on everything she ate?
you are what you eat.

what is extra virgin olive oil
So called nice girls are breeding stock
and why breeding stock costs more

back to scent
ahem if you like less earthy pussy, or if it to strong ^^^ sprinkle white vinegar on it

unlike the question "what came first, the chicken or the egg


we do know what smelled that way first
"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

why did Eve have that smell
Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?
so my prof of my answer to your question
there are no nice girls
as if she was nice, no guy would have get dick into to make it smell that way



who fault is this
ask yourself this
male or female have the higher sex drive
and
Why more men on SHMB than women. duh men looking for non breeding stock
.
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen.

this is also why every women can tell you
Why Sir its all your fault, its always the mans fault
God said so. as Adam, you have sinned not EVE no just ADAM was pointed at

so I find it silly guys bitching her pussy too smelly to eat
as
you made it that way so STFU and eat it


btw:

Jun 10, 2010 - Sardines are one of the healthiest foods you can eat, and they actually taste pretty mild—but ... When you open a can of sardines, salmon or tuna and it has a too-strong fish-oil smell, drizzle white vinegar on ... More on fish…
Vinegar Douche Benefits | LIVESTRONG.COM Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

I'm a little frightened. I'm starting to understand all your posts! Maybe I should start taking my meds again!

OSD you are off your rocker

So if a person sleeps lite and they sleep with the light on. Does that mean that if they sleep hard they sleep with the window open about three inch's?

OSD you are off your rocker

So if a person sleeps lite and they sleep with the light on. Does that mean that if they sleep hard they sleep with the window open about three inch's? Originally Posted by wnykittenkisser

When the chicken crossed the road why wasn't he wearing the ducks suspenders?

If Johhny was fondling his balls, who cooked the rhubarb pie?

OSD you are off your rocker

So if a person sleeps lite and they sleep with the light on. Does that mean that if they sleep hard they sleep with the window open about three inch's? Originally Posted by wnykittenkisser

I will have to look into that

but really you going to say the pussy smells that way is mans fault as clearly Dog errr ops God stated is not true per you.

let me ask this
you are with a women
something went wrong
she states it all your fault (if so or not)
which would give better odds at getting some loving
A) right or wrong agree or STFU
B) right or wrong openly disagree with her
c)(this pick is not a option as P4P you get it anyways unless you really piss her off)

clearly if a pussy smells its a mans fault
maybe not your fault
but you're a man
if you the one that bitch about it or just with her
its your fault
you are a man

maybe this will help you see the error of your ways
remember, female logic does not compute
male logic however can predict female non-logic (some can most men can not)
prediction
you are a man therefor its all your fault
really
ask any women
even if it was not your fault

now wnykittenkisser a test
but any one can take it

lets say you have a SO
you two do not want to bare fruit and multiply
she hears a TIC TIC TIC deep in her mind
so stops taking THE PILL
you do not know this
one day she says we have a bun in the oven honey
if you or its some other guys,
you are the one with and taking to her right now
she is really pissed off being with... and not wanting to be so. but will keep and love it if he or a she
Who's fault is it ?

extra points
if its his or yours
she now and talking to that other guys hehehehe guys by intent (that cheating bitch)

Who's fault is it ?

test was done she know who for sure its yours and its you she loves and will stay with
she with and talking to one of the other many's she cheated with

Who's fault is it ?

hint:
I am a man______
he is a man______
he is a man_______

dang she is bi and never told ya(dang that could have been fun)
she is with her female lover

she knows its yours



the hint _____kind, errr fucking men

btw: one more hint
I know this gay women, this butch bitch can turn a straight all day and night gal bi or gay in a heart beat. Even if homophobic.
No way in hell am I her type if she went bi
I never had sex with her and she knows it
She telling me she pregnant and trying to tell me a how
as i did ask like a dumb fuck

Who's fault is it ? per her

mine and all mankind