Demiland, love, and dating

Dang, I leave for a while and this thread takes this turn...




WTF, just like you did not get my last comment to you, you obviously don’t understand that the only time one can claim what you did above is when that person has never been there before. Only when someone has no experience in a particular situation can one reasonably question things like you did. For instance, I have direct experience with what dg posted about and I know exactly what I will do in the future because I have been there before. I know what to expect even when it involves matters of the heart. I have checks now that I do centered on what I went through which means I learned. In brief, it is simple logic and reason that directs your initial actions when you have experience in the items being discussed then both one's emotional IQ along with one's mental IQ is what directs how things proceed afterwards.


[][/SIZE] Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

There is a great book I have just finished reading about happiness. One of its major points was not being able to see into the future or how wrong one can be....one projects with generalities. Have you ever talked with a person who has been done wrong and at that point they will tell you never again, only to see him/her with that never again holding hands, in the not to distant future?

I think Gandi said if you run across to different stances I have taken on a subject go with the later. That was my point. We are not talking about putting your finger on a hot stove. We are talking about matters of the heart. That seems to change more than the weather.

I will look up the book if you like, it was informative.

[


Yes, we are hence the nature of a dialogic communication however to be obtuse, or badgering, about one’s point does paint oneself into a corner, don’t you agree? Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

Agreed. Point taken.

I would be very interested in that book title. If you like, please send me a PM about it.

On your point about seeing into the future, I was not implying that was the tact I would take. I don’t dwell on the past or drift into the future rather I am someone who lives in the present. By my statement earlier, I meant that when the time occurred and one found themselves in that previously thought about “future state”, it was then no longer the future then but is, in fact, the present. That means you will react in the present and only by reacting in the present do you have the correct actions if you have trained yourself to do as I have just described. Furthermore, if you have applied yourself and your experience then you will react correctly or as correctly as your training will allow.

No need to I've believed it for a long time.

Let me see if I can clarify this: a post in such a thread will be about how a poster would react. So if I posted about my thoughts (which I did) that post would in that sense be about me. Calling someone out because a post is "about me" makes no sense in a thread like this. Questioning one particular post and leaving all the others alone is at best puzzling. One would think that you would be interested into philosophically delving into a wide variety of the opinions expressed. Originally Posted by discreetgent

Of course you do.

I did NOT call anyone out in regards to their post being about them until they said it wasn't. I politely asked about two points that were in contrast. I never mentioned a post being about them until they stated it wasn't. You seem to agree. I do not know why we strayed onto that subject. But I was willing to discuss it. I didn't point it in that direction.

No one else in this thread did that as far as I can tell. Why should I ask a question to a poster that did not make two polar opposite statements?

In fact in this thread I asked you a question and a poster thought I had asked her. Go back and tead the posts before making such allegations or not. But you are making incorrect statements......and assumptions, I might add. I do realize the later is just my opinion. But the posts do no bare out your statements.

I would be very interested in that book title. If you like, please send me a PM about it.

On your point about seeing into the future, I was not implying that was the tact I would take. I don’t dwell on the past or drift into the future rather I am someone who lives in the present. By my statement earlier, I meant that when the time occurred and one found themselves in that previously thought about “future state”, it was then no longer the future then but is, in fact, the present. That means you will react in the present and only by reacting in the present do you have the correct actions if you have trained yourself to do as I have just described. Furthermore, if you have applied yourself and your experience then you will react correctly or as correctly as your training will allow. Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

The point of the book was that the present does not allow for future projections. There will be much water under your bridge before your next present state. That is why predicating the future is such a difficult task. I happen to agree with that but as Gandhi stated, STAYED TUNED, my beliefs may change!

The point of the book was that the present does not allow for future projections. There will be much water under your bridge before your next present state. That is why predicating the future is such a difficult task. I happen to agree with that but as Gandhi stated, STAYED TUNED, my beliefs may change! Originally Posted by WTF

I wasn’t implying that future projections are needed but, in general, I disagree with the premise of the book as you describe hence the reason why I am interested in reading it. I could cite science such as in Super String Theory that would argue that point for me with the existence of greater than 3 spacial dimensions and one temporal dimension but that would be a major detour for this thread. What is needed is experience that allows you to react to situations in the present when the present comes about. Also, time is relative inasmuch how much time passes before your next present state since there has been no specific measure of time states.

...Ever fall in love with an escort? a client? would you run away and scream in horror if it was happening or go with the flow and see what happened? Would you date an escort if you met outside of the demi world? As an escort would you be upset if your SO saw escorts? Originally Posted by discreetgent

as long as one doesn't get into the hobby looking for love or to date then i am sure love can sprout even here...love sometimes blossoms in the strangest places between people that "know" that it shouldn't happen...

to answer a few of the questions...i'd prolly go with the flow...and yes i'd be open minded enough to date a lady if met her outside of this world...

my 10 cents...my 2 cents is free...

allstar

This thread was about opinions. If my opinion was:

This is a free world and so if I fell in love, my S.O. would have to accept that and let me be free to sleep with who ever I wanted to. However, my S.O. would have to be faithful.

I am sure WTF would have a problem with the double standard. I'm sure he would point it out. But, if that was my opinion than I would be allowed to have those beliefs. To keep harassing me about it would become badgering and pointless.

I am NOT saying that anyone here had that opinion. I used it for pure example only. Live and let live. Not everyone has to believe the same way or feel the same on any given topic.

Now, I'm done with my rant. Back to your regular scheduled discussion.

This thread was about opinions. If my opinion was:

This is a free world and so if I fell in love, my S.O. would have to accept that and let me be free to sleep with who ever I wanted to. However, my S.O. would have to be faithful.

I am sure WTF would have a problem with the double standard. I'm sure he would point it out. But, if that was my opinion than I would be allowed to have those beliefs. To keep harassing me about it would become badgering and pointless.



Now, I'm done with my rant. Back to your regular scheduled discussion. Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

You are welcome to your opinion. As I am mine. Please try and remember that. Or is that another DOUBLE STANDARD you are fine with?

You have any questions in my beliefs feel free to ask, ESPECIALLY if the are chocked full of double standards.

If I start doing one thing and saying another you better believe that I would expect to be called to the carpet on it.

It is called responsibility.

Please try and quit painting me as having a problem with double standards. I find then intriguing is all.

Do YOU have a problem with that?

To keep harassing me about it would become badgering and pointless. Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Why do you and DG continue with this lie?

I asked Lauren a question is all. DG replied. I then asked DG. Then Lauren replied. Neither seemed to be able to repond to the question. No biggie but cut the lie that I am harrassing anyone. It got old on the other board and I will not stand for it on this one.

WTF,
I am much more interested in your opinion on dating and love in this demiland, than I am on your opinion of Lauren's post.

I would rather your post be all about you, not her.

Peace,
Colette

No biggie but cut the lie that I am harrassing anyone. It got old on the other board and I will not stand for it on this one. Originally Posted by WTF

It was true on the old board and is now starting again on this board. Not stand for it? what exactly does that mean?

[ame="http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=13315"]The Joy of Delusion - ECCIE - Your source for escort reviews[/ame] is a thread with great potential. Why on earth throw in

I thought it might merit a discussion without all the ''Look at me! Why are YOU looking at me?" heehaw drama some posters seem to entail.

It in no way furthers that discussion and simply highlights exactly what you claim to be falsely maligned for.

WTF,
I am much more interested in your opinion on dating and love in this demiland, than I am on your opinion of Lauren's post.

I would rather your post be all about you, not her.

Peace,
Colette Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Word!

My second sentence makes me guilty as well. Originally Posted by discreetgent

No. Your first sentence did. See:

Seems to me that there was a line by line dissection of only one poster's opinion in this thread. Makes you go hmm. So good to see how the quoted post advanced the conversation. Originally Posted by discreetgent

As for what I chose to quote...well, one doesn't see that sort of nonsense often outside of an NBA game. HOW is it not hysterical?

This thread was about opinions. If my opinion was:

This is a free world and so if I fell in love, my S.O. would have to accept that and let me be free to sleep with who ever I wanted to. However, my S.O. would have to be faithful.

I am sure WTF would have a problem with the double standard. I'm sure he would point it out. But, if that was my opinion than I would be allowed to have those beliefs. To keep harassing me about it would become badgering and pointless.

I am NOT saying that anyone here had that opinion. I used it for pure example only. Live and let live. Not everyone has to believe the same way or feel the same on any given topic.

Now, I'm done with my rant. Back to your regular scheduled discussion. Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Not to pick but I ran into what I emphasized above with another provider and it is my opinion that is the greatest reason why love fails in this realm when two try to make it work in a "normal" sense. In my opinion, that view is not based on reality nor is it conducive to ensuring trust is present. I realize you wrote IF your opinion was that Colette so this is not directed at you but I have seen what you wrote and I have always thought that line of thinking was better located in the refuse bin than anywhere else. A relationship that is healthy cannot be one sided and that thought highlighted above is very one sided as well as being very selfish, in my opinion of course.

WTF - You are looking for love in all the wrong places............Maybe a match.com site or eharmony.....Let's face it.....You are pretty much demanding that no matter how much your S.O's work means to her ( she could be a provider or in Singapore with a large company) you would demand she fly home to spend that special day with you? If you loved her would you not let her follow her dream even if it meant a holiday away from you? Then is it you that do not love her, but yourself more, which is by far, not the definition of love..

That is an ego.....I thought I was bad.......Let's face facts. Your dealing ( almost all) whom charge you 500+ to spend time with them (us) and become what you would like them to be. To become your fantasy.......Some , well myself, would not change who I am for anyone. I will not pretend to be your dream date....I am as I am.......BUT most are experts at intuitively knowing what you want them to be...That is why they are HDH..
Looking for love in all the wrong places...

I used to be such a romantic. I believed in a soul mate. I believed in true love. Now, I don't know what I believe when it comes to a life long mate.

All my life I was codependent. I felt I needed a man in my life to "complete me." "I LOVE you, please don't leave me!" was a desperate cry from within. I was very insecure. I was committed 100% and lived my life to please my mate, then when he didn't live his life for me - I was devastated. "After all I've done for you..." "After all I’ve given up, sacrificed..." It was pathetic! I was so needy, I drove men away. I was so terrified of being alone.

Now, I'm the opposite. I am happy without a man in my life. I don't NEED anyone. And now I look at relationships and wonder. Why do we have to own someone else? In a relationship why am I yours and you are all mine? Why do we have to envision our future with this person, instead of just enjoying that they are here right now in this moment. Why do we have to think about FOREVER?

I am guilty of these emotional attachments. Just like a baby with his Blankley. He feels comfortable holding it tightly, but try to take it away and he will fall apart. Why are we afraid of loosing the ones we love? Why don't we just love them and be glad that they are here now? Enjoy the moment?

Why do we get jealous? Is it from insecurity? Are we afraid if he talks to her, he might like her better and leave me? If he sleeps with someone else, he may not ever come home to me? Or if he loved me he wouldn't want anyone else?

Why do we NEED to know that this will last?

I used to think I would DIE without him (any of them that I loved), but now I cherish the moments and don't worry about the future. I have survived worse.

I used to be such a romantic. I believed in a soul mate. I believed in true love. Now, I don't know what I believe when it comes to a life long mate. Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

The expectation for a relationship to last a lifetime has it's good points and it's bad ones. Simply having the expectation that your partner will never leave often means couples mutually take each other for granted. I see in conservative cultures, when healthy respectful marriages occur, they try to do a lot of maintenance work on the relationship, knowing it's meant to last a lifetime. In liberal relationships, the expectation for of "till death do us part" seems to create a lot of awkward pressure that your partner should somehow always do and say the perfect thing, and has no right to psychological privacy.

Entering into a relationship with the expectation that we'll do what we can to be good to each other, to make the voyage of life a little easier and more pleasant for your partner, seems much more peaceful. Beyond that, life changes, people change. If it lasts a lifetime, consider yourself blessed. If it doesn't, I'd hope we're both glad we'd found each other, even as we parted.

All my life I was codependent. I felt I needed a man in my life to "complete me." "I LOVE you, please don't leave me!" was a desperate cry from within. I was very insecure. I was committed 100% and lived my life to please my mate, then when he didn't live his life for me - I was devastated. "After all I've done for you..."

I hope you don't beat yourself up over this. It's a common head space, one women are often expected to adopt. Glad you broke out of that cycle.

Why do we have to own someone else? In a relationship why am I yours and you are all mine? Why do we have to envision our future with this person, instead of just enjoying that they are here right now in this moment. Why do we have to think about FOREVER?

You've hit on why I've adopted polyamory (asides from enjoying multiple partners). From the perspective of my faith, it's unacceptable to try and own another human being. Only you have the power to make yourself happy, no external forces can do that. I believe in giving them total freedom, and if we can't make our philosophies and desires work together, moving on alone.

I have always been stunned when someone in a traditional relationship says something like "I'd love to go out this weekend, I'll have to ask my wive/husband." Seriously?! I don't think I've ever asked my partner for permission to do anything, nor have they of me. I'm not saying it's wrong, just that it's totally alien in my world view. I mean, sure we inform each other of what's going on, and are considerate of each other, but neither has the power to say "No".

Why do we get jealous? Is it from insecurity? Are we afraid if he talks to her, he might like her better and leave me? If he sleeps with someone else, he may not ever come home to me? Or if he loved me he wouldn't want anyone else?

I once was hitting on a soldier at an airport bar. When I told him I was in a relationship, but we both see other people he asked: "Aren't you afraid he'll meet someone he's more attracted to and leave?"

Sure I am. However, if someone can make him happier than I can, he has my blessing to move on. One life to live, and he has the right to be happy.

Jealousy is a bit of nurture, a bit of nature and a sprinkle of society. What we're raised to expect from our nuclear family, what our natural personality leans toward, our experiences in life. Often people feel socially mortified if their partner is caught cheating, more hurt by the thought of gossip and laughter then the cheating itself.

I do indeed have a jealous streak, but when it kicks in I have the good sense to realize it's my insecurity, and won't inflict my shortcomings on my partner. It's up to me to work though my emotions.

Why do we NEED to know that this will last?

You have to admit, it's a pretty nice feeling to have a friend or lover who enjoys you so much, they're happy to be a constant in your life. I just think it should be a choice, not a binding contract. It should be done out of free will and joy, not expectation.

I used to think I would DIE without him (any of them that I loved), but now I cherish the moments and don't worry about the future. I have survived worse.

A lovely place to be