Help save my marriage please

These guys may be telling themselves "it's too hard to leave my sexless marriage" but the one thing they're NOT doing is giving their wife the option to leave their marriage because he's cheating on her. Selfish assholes, every one of them. Either suck up not getting any...leave your marriage so you can get all you want...or talk to her and see if you can both alter the arrangements of your marriage...anything else is pure selfish bullshit on your part...
Originally Posted by Wakeuр

I think out of all the things you have say all alot of which I didn't agree with, I find this particular item above, is what I do agree with.

In the best way to deal with a relationship, you partner should have the option to opt out by making a informed decision, your wife may be totally ok with it, but be ready when she wants to get her own groove on, and not with you.

most guys are worried more about the monetary beatdown from a divorce than anything else, but guys if your in a sexless marriage, you wife most likely already knows your out there, and they don't care as long as you continue to support her, and your playing around doesn't take away from that, there is a good chance she already getting some from the maintenance man. women are slicker than most men care to believe.
remember you're in a sexless marriage with each other, not other people.
your wife isn't as dumb or demur as you think she is
hell a whole lot of these guys would lose their fucking minds and feel like they been betrayed by Judas himself if they found out their wife was getting hers in.

Wakeup, "- [quote] ...The problem with people is that they never think through what being married means...."

People don't understand marriage yet to predecide this. I don't think anyone can unless they've experienced relationships yet. It's kind of like 'never being able to swim and seeing others swimming in a pool and doing flips off boards even'. One just can't say "Hey, I am going to be a professional swimmer, etc" and go jump in the pool and away they go. They'll drown if they do.

The average statistics to finding a more solid relationship is going through 3-4 deep relationships in order to learn about things, yourself, and how differences add up or don't, are separate from questionable or feelings that are/were 'just different' and confusing them with what love (is) and marriage can be about. And just because you get off doesn't mean anything either.

Some people can be childhood sweethearts, but they still will most likely go through some 'who's looking at who, being with others, coming back to one another', or even I have thought that if younger, when people did marry younger, they stay tighter together because they grow together. But, there's a bigger world to explore with all kinds of ways, and only they can decide, not others for them, or the dreaded forced marriage at a young age if they don't want it.

It will always be like this and never be perfect. You just have to accept it for others and hope others find, whenever they do, a good warm love and friendship for each other, and also be thankful that if it doesn't work, that they were honest to their feelings, instead of forcing each other to be with each other. Finding good, warm, love friendship-marriage (with no abuse) is special. Support anyone so they can be happy, even if it hurts the other. Hope that the one that got left finds a more genuine relationship too and let it happen for them to find happiness. They weren't honest either to know and didn't know how to be either. It's no ones fault. That's the ultimate no matter what. I hope this helps.

I also think that since we live even longer, that no matter what, if you have a great love and sex relationship, it still may dissipate in time, but that to still have that great love or relationship is that you still had it and it was good. And there may be more, or another relationship in the future and maybe not. So what I'm saying is, is isn't wrong that any relationship that didn't last was wrong. It did work and you did have love and friendship, and so we just keep going...

I remember when Sonny died, with Sonny Bono and Cher, there were these people that ranted at her as a fake as if 'why is she upset that he died'. Because they had a good love and you still can love that person even when you move on. Chunks of some people's live's are sill big, chunk, memories of their own. You don't have to hate or have no feelings later. Crappy relationships with bigger problems can have no feelings though, my own experience thoughts...and other's witnessed....I've had both...

Just tell her you got drunk at the tittie bar and before you realized what was happening a stripper was slobbin on your knob ................... its a true story , just not yours LOL

That would work on you? Originally Posted by Luxury Daphne

Hell no!! If cheating has never been an issue in their relationship, it might just work on her. I don't trust any man, completely, EVER. Which includes family.

I remember when Sonny died, with Sonny Bono and Cher, there were these people that ranted at her as a fake as if 'why is she upset that he died'. Because they had a good love and you still can love that person even when you move on. Chunks of some people's live's are sill big, chunk, memories of their own. You don't have to hate or have no feelings later. Crappy relationships with bigger problems can have no feelings though, my own experience thoughts...and other's witnessed....I've had both... Originally Posted by Joyce

Everyone questioned Cher's sincerity due to her doing nothing but bashing Sonny for decades. It was clear she despised him and in death she loved and appreciated him ...

It was clear she despised him and in death she loved and appreciated him ... Originally Posted by pyramider

That's what I want my tombstone to say

Funny how the adages of our parents come to roost. My mother always said "you can't have your cake and eat it too." Trusting marriages and ECCIE don't mix. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. You have stated that you fucked up - true dat - so, there is no need to harp on that further.

I found myself in what became a sexless marriage several years ago. Rather than fuck around (never did, but I was certain that I eventually would) I decided to divorce. In my case the lack of sex caused the "law of unlove" to kick in. I found that my respect for her was greatly diminished and did not believe that it could be regained. I've never re-married.

As far as advice of how to explain your condition to your wife and/or the possibility that she discovers her own problem - I think you have received some good advice here. Labrat particularly in suggesting that she go to her doctor for the abdominal pain. You may be able to dodge the bullet if the doctor proscribes appropriate medication w/o mentioning a std and/or suggesting the possibility of a uti. However, if her MD comes back with a diagnoses of what you have, then you've got some decisions as to how to respond. If you come completely clean and tell her about ECCIE, the hobby and your participation, then the probability of keeping your marriage is very low, imho. In this case, the less you say may be your best chance.

The previously suggested S/C indiscretion of a BBBJ may be a good lie for you as a possible explanation of your medical condition. The fact that it could have been dormant in your or her body for many years or the contact with cats are possibilities, but they may stretch her bull shit indicator. You went to the S/C with friends or clients, had a few drinks and the stripper plops down. Next thing you know, the big guy is out and getting slobbered. How did that happen? As strong as you are, you could not lift her head off. Apologize profusely, restate your love for her and leave it at that. Ball is in her court at that point. Can she forgive you for this one lapse of judgment? At that point, I think it's your only chance of saving your marriage.

Pyramider,

Not disagreeing on that concept - to wonder; what I saw was just some air clawing peasant type woman saying things at his eulogy given by her, and she obviously still had memories, feelings, and crying which I felt were pretty real, don't know the whole story... I think she used to joke a lot at him. But I don't know specifics..He used to say things at her too, but in a playful way - both. Could of been how they were together and were fine with it with teasing.

I was wondering if he left her and she was hurt, or maybe because they are so publicized that to guard against what the other might say, she kept saying things to look like the 'ok one?' in case she looked worse...kind of like when with some people that breakup, they can say things about the other because neither wants to look like the one who got dumped...instead of, 'we just don't match'. I never thought it fair to say the other was "a no good something or other". Like did Bobby Brown really do anything bad? And were people just trying to blame Whitney's death on him, just for an outlet? Back to Cher, since they still had to associate with each other in the business, and their daughter, they may have gotten better towards each other after time...I think if it were a really, true, bad relationship all together, there'd been a greater split with less feelings.

I'm coming into this rather late, but let me save the day. In nearly 20 years of doing divorce work, I've never had a woman leave a man over a fling (particularly with a paid player).

You need to nut up and tell the little woman about your condition. If you don't you put her at risk and eventually you will get re-infected from her. LaStang gave you the out. Tell her about that drunk girl at the titty bar and get it over with. The doctor is not going to cover for you. His licence would be at stake.

I have to say I am taken aback by some of the self-righteous rap considering this is is a hook up board. Take the lumps and move on.

The cheater and cheatie NEVER feel the same!

The cheater has fun NOW!

The cheatie has fun LATER!

Your asking advice on how to best lie? You need to treat people (your wife) the way you would like to be treated.

I may have been harsh in some of my previous post here, look on the bright side she may have given it to you from someone she been bumping uglies with,
Would you still want to keep your marriage together if that was the case,

Holy shit! This is the biggest board train wreck I've ever witnessed!

But don't listen to the ones who judge you as if they're not here with us... they take glory in your dilemma b/c it makes them feel above who they are, above you. You're nothing but a diversion to take the attention off whatever it is they're busy trying to hide that's oozing from themselves. And they'll make a spectacle out of you to save their own face. Why else would they be so bitter?

I feel for you man... I really do. Don't know how I'd handle it, except ask myself the question & be patient & listen to my own answer unfold. Only you know your specific, unique situation, & while sometimes advice does help, no one knows the scenario quite the way you do, so advice can more often transcend into assisted suicide. This is especially when given by know-it-all, pedestal-skunks, no longer able to identify they're own problems to work on, while having no motive for your positive effect. It takes about 1/2 the energy to be kind as it does to be mean. A shame. Karma inevitably happens, assholes... And while I'm no better than the next person, now I feel bad b/c I hate that that needed to be said. I truly wish you the best possible outcome, Juggalo.

Heh...karma...