References

There is screening (to make sure who he says he is, make sure he is not blacklisted, not a cop/works where he says he works and THEN there is checking references. I do all that. HowevER I don't ask for references and then for p411 and date-check accounts. We all have our own unique ways of screening so there's no right or wrong way. The wrong thing to do is to not screen lol Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Here's my concern, I'm not a serial sampler. I have like 2 maybe 3 faves to whom I am very loyal, including my ATF that I've seen regularly for over a year. I'm certain that any one of them would give me a rave reference. But if you require 3 or more references, I won't be able to see you?? Really?? What if one of my references is my wife?? Does that count??

Here's my concern, I'm not a serial sampler. I have like 2 maybe 3 faves to whom I am very loyal, including my ATF that I've seen regularly for over a year. I'm certain that any one of them would give me a rave reference. But if you require 3 or more references, I won't be able to see you?? Really?? What if one of my references is my wife?? Does that count?? Originally Posted by Ed Highlight

Yes wife references do count LOL!!! Ed, I did say I have made exceptions and will gladly make one for you.

Yes wife references do count LOL!!! Ed, I did say I have made exceptions and will gladly make one for you. Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Mission accomplished!! I have witnesses!! Can't wait to get to FLA....!!

I'm pretty sure a random BP girls with no reviews will not be found on P411. Gina wouldn't let them in!

So why is it that ladies require several refs AND my P411. The OK's from P411 are the ladies I will give for refs anyway. I would think that they would keep their contact info more up to date there, than what I have on-hand.

P.S. This thread has been very enlightening to me to see some of the behind-the-scenes thinking. Originally Posted by Chica Chaser

No cutie...I mean I literally have guys trying to give me ONLY a girl off BP with no website and no reviews. Hell I use BP but anyone can see I have over 100 reviews since 2008, a personal website, and a board presense, so I am not bashing BP mind you.

Here's how I do it. IF you have ONE really good ref as in someone I know personally, that's all I require when touring...if not, I want 2 solid ones with reviews on several boards.

At home it is quite different because the boys there love to run their mouths about your personal life, where you might live, where your incall is, what you drive, etc. In those cases I will not see anyone without real info. I want to know they have just as much to lose as I do, so they keep their darn mouth shut about my private affairs.

When touring, I use hotels and either fly or get a rental car so there is really no way to blab about anything or even have me watched lol. We always hear how discreet WE are supposed to be, but many guys don't give a flying flip about returning the favor. This has forced many of us to pass on dates in our local area, or price ourselves out of the market and attract visitors.

I'm not sure my wife would give me a very good reference.....lol

I appreciate all of this information and have a better understanding of what type of reference a provider may want. It does make me nervous about emails being swaped around with my name and information on them. Phone calls are no big deal but an email is a different thing. I'm new to the hobby and building my reference list so this is good stuff....

Makes a lot of sense Utanks BUT I have had ladies give me an OK and found it was NOT OK when I got to the appointment.

For example: A lady gives me an OK and I find out at the appointment that the gentleman is obese. I can do overweight but obese NO. Originally Posted by Naomi4u

See, I look at this example like something the provider is obligated to provide in a "do's" and "don't"s showcase or ad. I've seen plenty of ads where a provider restricts clients e.g. certain race, or certain age. If you don't do obese, then stipulate that! If the client lies and shows up that way, simply show him the door, but I don't personally believe a reference is required to disclose demographics to the provider, that's not the purpose.

So when we ask for elaboration we're not needing to know the color of his insides but basic things like height, weight, race and was he nice? would you see him again?... Questions like that would really help.

I turned down a guy last week because I saw a YMMV on his date-check profile. I couldn't reach the provider and I wasn't taking chances.When I finally got in contact with the provider she told me that she listed him as YMMV because he likes to haggle during the appointment.

Things like "is the guy trying to haggle" is something again I think can be determined in the dating set-up conversation. if a guy is giving off a "got specials" vibe repeatedly. chances are he's trying to get over on you. If the rate is not big deal to the hobbyist during the date discussion, then you should take it at face value he's going to pay. If a hobbyist stiffs a gal, more likely he has that rep somewhere. Now, I'm not talking about outside clients beyond eccie, I'm talking within the world of eccie in this instance.

So anyway, I do agree that asking for more than an "he's ok" has it's place for some types of questions, but again my opinion is the primary purpose is for verification, not for BCD nuggets, because that's how rumors or drama get started, and as a hobbyist I want my privacy respected just as much as I try to respect the privacy of you lovely providers!

Though I don't agree with some of the things you said, I do understand.

Things like "is the guy trying to haggle" is something again I think can be determined in the dating set-up conversation. Not really. A guy is not going to come off as a complete retard if he really wants to see you but can't afford to...happens all the time. That's why you see a guy who had 4 good refs, then 3 alerts after that. Means nothing.

If the rate is not big deal to the hobbyist during the date discussion, then you should take it at face value he's going to pay. Again, means nothing. What a person says and does are all too often so far from being the same, and a reference can provide that insight. Just because a guy did not haggle the $150 girl does not mean he won't do such with one twice the rate. If a hobbyist stiffs a gal, more likely he has that rep somewhere. Now, I'm not talking about outside clients beyond eccie, I'm talking within the world of eccie in this instance. Not everyone gets the bulk of their business from the boards, so again refs come in handy. You dont' want to give up your private info do you? Then we are free to ask whatever we choose when deciding if we want to see someone. I mean it is going to be one or the other, and most guys prefer the reference route.

So anyway, I do agree that asking for more than an "he's ok" has it's place for some types of questions, but again my opinion is the primary purpose is for verification, not for BCD nuggets, because that's how rumors or drama get started, and as a hobbyist I want my privacy respected just as much as I try to respect the privacy of you lovely providers! Really? So the reviews you write about providers respect their privacy and "yours?" Did you ask them what you could and could not write or show them a copy beforehand? Just curious. Bottom line is girls talk just like you guys do, and we have a right to know who and what is showing up at the door. I am easy though....no info. no date, no problemo for either party lol. I don't know how knowing your age or race would be infringing on your privacy though...I mean she IS going to know when you show up. Originally Posted by Utanks

re: reviews. I don't believe that is apples/apples. First, providers disclose photos, phone #s, website information, dating options, etc. So restating that information is not infringing on any privacy not already being self disclosed.

The review itself is primarily meant to confirm that information and provide a personal experience of a date. As far as permission, myself personally I do let the provider know I would like to review a session if I'm inclined. If they say no, I won't. So in that sense, yes I do respect a provider's privacy.

As far as demographics, again, my only point is that if you want to know that information, ask the hobbyist and not be expecting that come from a reference. That was really my only take here, that I personally believe some of the things discussed in this thread regarding a reference not offering up some type of specific tidbits of a hobbyist are best asked of the hobbyist. Red flag concerns sure that's a valid reference question.

Very well said.

Ali, I had to read it few times myself, glad for the explanation.)