Happily Married but......

now this is just my opinion..just because a married man hobbies does not mean he is not happy. It means he is missing something at home and seeks it out with ladies like us. We are safer than an affair due to the fact we know the boundaries...I have several married gentlemen I see who say by spending time with me it is actually helping their marriage...and there are many more reasons I could list but just being married and hobbying does not mean he is unhappy...means he is missing something on some level and by hobbying he is able to maintain his family life and still have time for him therefore filling that void making his life complete...we fill in the puzzle piece that is missing.... Originally Posted by Irish Vixen

I completly agree that he is happy now he has a good wife and he is getting it on the side. If he didn't get the side stuff he would have some kind of void in his home life. That's what he needs to work on to be truly happily married not he's happy until his SO finds out. Irish you know I love ya but any couple in a truly happy marriage won't be in the hobby world at all. I will say if they both want it then it's a personal choice then

With Asian culture it's concubines...who were often considered as 'wives'. There's this great movie called RAISE THE RED LANTERN that gives a close view of the women who are housed behind their 'master's' mansion. You never see him, and the only indication that he's around is when he lowers the red paper lantern in front of the chosen girl of the evening's house.


Imagine how that would go over here in America. I definitely think some cultures are far more accepting and open of men having mistresses and all that. But then you have to ask yourself, are the women really accepting their husband's infidelity because they HAVE to, or because they CHOOSE to? Originally Posted by alluringava

Do wives accept their husbands' infidelity because they HAVE to, or because they CHOOSE to? I would argue that women are moved more by the notion of security (financial and physical) that a husband is capable of providing, than any notion of fidelity. I am certain that if polygamy was made legal tomorrow, there would be millions of married women ready to leave their current spouses to take up with a man of greater means. Even if it meant sharing him with 3 other wives (or paid mistresses). So, to answer your question, Ava, I believe women, more often than not, CHOOSE to accept a husband's infidelity. Especially if he is more affluent. Women who marry affluent men know, and must ACCEPT that his infidelity is part of the deal.

Do wives accept their husbands' infidelity because they HAVE to, or because they CHOOSE to? I would argue that women are moved more by the notion of security (financial and physical) that a husband is capable of providing, than any notion of fidelity. I am certain that if polygamy was made legal tomorrow, there would be millions of married women ready to leave their current spouses to take up with a man of greater means. Even if it meant sharing him with 3 other wives (or paid mistresses). So, to answer your question, Ava, I believe women, more often than not, CHOOSE to accept a husband's infidelity. Especially if he is more affluent. Women who marry affluent men know, and must ACCEPT that his infidelity is part of the deal. Originally Posted by Robin3212003

Another description of a happy marriage. lol

MEN ARE NOT MEANT TO BE MONOGAMOUS, ITS OKAY TO BE HAPPILY MARRIED AND SEEK NEW THINGS; THATS OKAY. BUT I GUARANTEE IF YOUR WIFE HAS THE INSTINCT OF A WOMAN, THEN SHE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UP TO AND SHE IS GOING TO GET HERS SOONER OR LATER... SORRY!!! Originally Posted by Abby West

Oh Shit!

Every week there's a politician in the US that's gotten in trouble for his desire for some strange. That's no big deal and it's confirmed by various anthropological studies that men like to mess around. In tribal societies you can do that as long as you don't hurt anyone else. Someone mentioned sexual addiction and that's a little different, it's more of a compulsion that's uncontrollable.

I agree with the OP that you can be happily married and still hobby. A happy marriage isn't necessarily a perfect one. My wife isn't perfect and neither am I. We both do things that annoy the other. Love and being happily married means you accept the other person for who they are, not something you want them to be.

Of course, she'd be pissed and would most likely divorce me if she caught me. That's a risk I take and I love her enough to take careful steps so she doesn't get hurt by finding out. I know the ladies here will not understand this, but I'm sure I speak for the majority of married guys here.

Yes, there is something missing in our marriage, or more precisely in me, that has me here and in the hobby. But you can't condemn a marriage or a person and say they are not happy just because its not "perfect", whatever that means to you.

Yes, monogamy is the cornerstone of marriages. Since I engage in safe sex many of the pit falls of old can be avoided like bastard children and bring home something to the wife. As other guys have said, it's NSA (no strings attached). I'm never going to run off with a provider. I'm not taking much time away from the family and I can afford to so I'm not taking away family resources.

OK, what's left that's wrong other than I'd guilty of lying my omission? I know my wife has secrets she hasn't told me about her previous marriages. I have my own pre and now during secrets. Like I said before, I'm sparing her feelings on the matter. And yes, if she really loved me she would grant me my hobby. But please! It ain't going to happen.

Well put @Yowzer. I think there is a difference between a happy marriage and a perfect marriage. I'm not sure there really is such a thing as a perfect marriage. I mean there are only so many nymphomaniac supermodel rocket scientists who also are master chefs and have a degree in child psychology, and are into golf and guns.
So I would say that my marriage is happy, albeit not necessarily perfect. I suppose there may be something missing which is why I hobby. But I would not ever want to trade my imperfect but happy marriage for something else.

Women are not stupid. I'm not giving you any grief but if your getting strange I would bet so is she. If that's ok then it's alright I guess but if it's not then keep it in your pants until you get home. I did for 27 years and don't regret a minute. Originally Posted by burkalini

You are correct!