The whole weight/diet issue reminded me of a joke I read years ago. And no, it’s not me in the story.
I was sitting at home one night when I unexpectedly got a phone call from my old high school sweetheart. Back in the day, she was the head cheerleader, and I was the star quarterback. She was in town for business, and this was the first time I had spoken to her in almost 25 years. It was great talking to her. We reminisced about dating during high school and all the fun we had. We talked about old friends, and shared what we had been doing with our lives for the past 25 years. After almost an hour of talking she said, “You know, it’s amazing how much we still have in common.” “I feel like we still have a little chemistry going on.” “Maybe while I’m still here in town, we should get together for a couple of drinks and see where things lead?” I said, “Great, I was sort of feeling the same way.” “But, I do want you to know that I’m not the same guy from 25 years ago.” “I’ve put on almost a hundred pounds, lost all my hair, and I wear glasses.” She said, “Ooooohhh, don’t worry about that!” “Honestly, I have a thing for chubby bald guys.” “And I bet you look even more sophisticated in those glasses!” “And besides, I’ve put on almost ten pounds since high school, myself.” I told her, “Fuck you,” and hung up the phone.