men do you think

I thought I made myself very clear this isnt about ME and leaving .....
The question was:
Can a man/hobbyiest love or marry a provider unconditionally knowing that she was a provider...Or will it always be lurking in the back of his mind and cause them problems down the line?..


"Let me make myself very clear....I can and will walk away from this when the time is right and "I" am ready....And trust me when I leave I wont ever look back or come back or have any regrets..." Originally Posted by fawn

Fawn, I have a lot of affection for you. You're overthinking this. Stop it! Don't let it "lurk" in your mind. Enjoy your new love, treasure it, let it wrap around you and let it wrap around him. Now, if you're truly having second thoughts, maybe he's not the guy for you. Be honest with youself. But stop the over-analysis. Don't make me come and shake sense into you. lol

And open and honest conversation with him should give you the reassurance you need, and any reassurance he needs. Likely he doesn't need reassurance. As for me, it would never lurk in my mind. It's part of you and unconditional love accepts it.

I like you, Bubba. Have we met?

MAX, great post. Here's a question for ya: Like you I have known a number of women who chose sexual services as the way to make money that they needed or wanted. They are varied! And yet there is a whole (also varied!) slough of women who would never even CONSIDER becoming a provider. Do you have any thoughts about what, if any, common trait or traits tie together these Sisters of the Darkside, the ones who choose this road?

Not too bad a hijack, I hope. I could start a new thread. Originally Posted by jfred

I assume it would be that the women who do choose this road either feel they have no options at the time or are not overly worried about the society imposed connotations that have been placed on ladies who participate in our lifestyle. For some, money is the only driving force for their participation, as in many occupations, and for others, they truly enjoy the experiences they are having in the hobby AND the money is good. So, for them, it's a win win situation.

Maybe you should start another thread, I find myself wanting to add to this topic and am interested in what others think about it.

I think for everyone including myself it is the money. Work is work it SUCKS. I am just looking forward to retirement. :-) Now that's a hijack.

Max,

Great point...

I don't know how to set up a poll, but it would be interesting to have a poll for the ladies to see "what are the primary reasons" they chose this lifestyle/occupation. Any takers?

I clearly misunderstood your question Fawn. Yes, I do believe a man and woman can leave their pasts behind them. Given the nature of this profession, there are, prehaps some challanges not faced by others, but in the end, yes, it can be done. It may always be a part of them. How could it be not? But for the right people, it will not be a deal breaker. If you are at that point in your life, great for you!!!

I love you fawn.... you being you alone is enough for me... so I know for a fact that the man you love will know your doing this to support your family and yourself... all which are good reasons. Nobody is perfect, and he isnt either. If a man cant love you, with past and all.. he doesn't deserve to be in your future

The past is history. I would have no problem trusting a provider. I would take her on her word until proven otherwise.

Yeah, yeah, deep down I knew money was the primary motivation but you are sooo good at the IOP I just forgot and felt special (grin). You are a jewel Fawn and one of the reasons I just love being a fan of the OHC. Anyone would be lucky to have you as mate.

in your mind a women can ever leave the business? Yes

I guess I am trying to ask if you/hobbyist feel in love with a provider could you truly trust and love her unconditionally and make a marriage or
relationship work - Yes

or would the thought of her being a provider always be tucked in the back of your mind.. Yes Originally Posted by fawn

The next question would be - could she ever forget that I used to be a hobbyist... two sides to the coin.

JMO.

Huck

Originally Posted by Lust4xxxLife
Fawn - here's my $0.02. Unlike many of the posts here, it's based on experience, not just empty pontification.

If you're ready to leave, you can. But you need to understand what 'leave' means. It means leave, not just stop doing what you do for money. You can't keep going to socials. You can't go to the lunches. You can't keep the same number and keep texting with this community. You can't pop into chat. You need to go. Leave means LEAVE. You have to COMMIT to someone else over this hobby community and there is no half-commit. Same for your other half.

See honey, unlike most of you here....I know what a commitment means...I was married for 21yrs faithful years....and never cheated or never ran when a problem arouse in my marriage...So ya I think I know that when I totally give myself to a man for a life time commitment it will only be to him....God some of you men seem to amaze me in the way you see us....You haven't a clue to whom some of us really are as a person.....

If either of you can't commit to leaving as I describe it, you'll be back. Only a matter of time and it won't be a long time, in my opinion.

Well like you said this is your opinion....How can you make that assumption when you don't even know us as person.....

I wish you the best...

L4L


This is exactly why I asked the men this very question about can a man/hobbyist truly and unconditionally love a provider....Or will they always see you in that light....haha I guess I got your answer on this situation Lust4xxxlife....
And I thank you for your thought because that is what I was looking for.... Originally Posted by fawn

Hey – ouch! I know nothing about the people here in real life, nor do they know anything about me. And I never said that I did. But you did ask for opinions...

When I used the word 'you', it was the proverbial 'you' because you posed the question. If you exchange 'a person' for the word 'you', maybe that will help make my point clearer.

When I used the word 'commit', I didn't mean it as 'commit to a person' (faithful), I meant it as 'commit to a decision'.

Allow me to use a metaphor to more clearly express my point. I view a providers relationship with the hobby in much the same way as I view my SO's past relationships. Sex is involved (who cares, unless you're seeking a virgin) and the past relationships are part of what shaped that person into the person you're attracted to – and the person who is attracted to you.

So, do I think a provider's history is any way a barrier against "truly trusting and loving her unconditionally and making a marriage or
relationship work..."? No, I do not think that. History is history. I can only speak for myself and I'm sure some uptight guys might feel differently, but it wouldn't be a problem for me. At all.

However, if my SO was still hanging around with her ex-boyfriends/ex-husbands all the time, yes, that would be an issue for me. It wouldn't make me doubt that she was committed to me and faithful, but I would likely view it as a sign that she wasn't ready to let go of those past relationships and move forward with ME. Similarly, if a provider was still immersed in everything about the hobby except the actual acts, that would be an issue for me. It would make me wonder if she chose me over the hobby – or me over the hobby for a while. I'm sure there are guys who think differently, but this is how I would feel and you did ask.

So – in my opinion – and based on my own relationships and observations, it's not about the past – that's behind us – it's about focus and mental/emotional commitment moving forward.

I'm only a data point of one. Please feel free to consider or reject the input as you like.

L4L

Thank you Lust4xxxLife, I totally understand where you are coming from now....That made a lot of sense. Girls and Guys rather you gave me advice I like or don't like ....I thank each and everyone of you for your honest opinion. Because that is what I was looking for.....I have gotten some really good advice....So thank you all for taking the time to respond....

Fawn,

You and I have known each other now for several years and we've both spent many hours crying over this very subject! We both have a heart of gold and have so much to offer when that special man comes along! But I do know that I will never find my "knight in shining armor" here in the hobby nor do I ever want to!

Like you, I was married for a very long time, but my marriage didn't end in death.....mine ended in divorce! If you remember, it was my husband that started me in this business when we went through a very difficult financial period! I was in this for about a year when he became resentful because he actually thought this business was glamorous and that I craved sexed 24/7! He thought that if I could go out and have a good time, so could he! He didn't have a clue how emotional draining this was! This really wasn't the main cause of our divorce, but it did play a role in it!

You and I can both walk away from this when we are ready without looking back! We have our heads on straight and we know what we want out of life and dammit, we're going to have it!

So girl, put on your dancing shoes and grab that matching purse......we're going out to find our soul mates!

I'm a little late joining this show. But here is my 2 cents...well maybe worth 1.5 pesos.

First thing is would the man be accepting and "truly" accepting and embrassing of his gals past. Secoundly, I think it would have to be all about how confident that man is. I am not talking self confidence and overbrooding ego. More of the confidence in his relationship with his gal. Relationships have their ups and downs. Question is how the man reacts to the downs. Will he let his mind think the wrong thoughts and use the gals past as excuses or point the blame.

We are all human and very hard to forget anyones past. However as long as he is confident in the relationship and doesn't feel he has to measure up performance wise in what should be more intimate and emotional times.

Final part is does he find himeself he succumbs to societies sometimes very narrow and judgemental viewpoints. If he does, he will always wonder what everyone will think if they knew his gal use to be a "hooker" .

There you go I am a man and I am from Mars. You ready to get beamed?

I WAS in love with a provider who left the business and yes, I could have made a marriage with her and loved her for the incredibly sweet woman she always was to me.
You have done the right thing in telling him about your second job and he still loves you. Of course the two of you can have a wonderful relationship.
Best to you!

Fawn, Darling, Love is love, no matter from where. Just enjoy!

PPE