On the head! In case he or she chimes in again, let me explain. I am not saying anything "justifies" cheating, but some things "cause" it. I HATE having to look elsewhere. I know some guys like variety and no matter what, they'll cheat. I exhausted every option except for destroying my family. Jerking off only works for so long. Is it still wrong? Probably, but she is not innocent in the situation.
If I divorce her, and by the way we both have discussed it, she has NOWHERE to go. I would have to pay for a place for her and the kids, move in with my parents, and have some other guy live with my children possibly while I pay for it. ALL because she decided she doesn't want to f-ck anymore. BUT, I guarantee, he or she will chime in that somehow I should just jerk off for the rest of my life or destroy my family. Those two options would be the "right" things to do.
Originally Posted by albundy
Unfortunately, we allow what others think and believe to affect doing what we know and feel are the best for us. We each have only ourselves to be with 24/7 for the rest of our lives, so I decided a long time ago, that I can not and will not allow others to impede my health and happiness ever again. If they can not have compassion or understand that I do not fit in a mold and what is great or good for them, does not help me in the least. then I will close myself off to them as well. Cause and effect.
I think for myself, I am patient and I listen and try to learn from what others suggest which might alleviate or improve any situation for myself or others I can share that with. However, few rarely consider that I am not them, but rather someone altogether different. Being "different" is not the most popular thing to be, but it works for me. LOL I appreciate the input, but acquire my own beliefs, ideals, and lifestyle through trial and error of many things and stick with what feels right for me. Period. I have no ill will towards those who always try to impose their beliefs and morals on everyone else, because I understand they do not realize what kind of damage they may be causing, or maybe they just have no compassion for others, which is always hard for me to understand, so I stopped trying to.
I often make suggestions, but after all the crap I've been through, I understand that others get stuck, think it's a strange concept to think differently than they are used to. Basically many are afraid that a new/different belief or desire has no merit, because then they may have to consider that many of their beliefs may actually feel untrue or turn out to be something altogether different than they imagined and had been preaching with all their might as the only right or true way to be.
There is ZERO reason to feel guilt for achieving that which we believe is best for each of us. I strongly feel if there is a chance I will hurt another, I give them the option to remain in my life or not, with the understanding, I have to do what I have to do, in order to maintain. No one else is going to do that for me, nor are they responsible for doing so. I have certain experiences I wish to maintain and enjoy, because I know they make me feel better. Sex is about feeling and I love to feel, so no, I am not giving that up. IMO, no one should have to and it sucks that our society is so judgemental about all aspects of sex.
I'm sorry if what I do and enjoy doesn't work for others or they don't "get it", but...it can only hurt them if they allow what I do or feel, to do that. Otherwise, get on board the "me" train. Because, I have a life to live and it has to be somewhat about me. It's no one's place to judge my every action, thought, desire, hair color, leg length, food preference, age, desires, etc. If I hurt myself, it's on me and I take responsibility for doing so. If you hurt me, you will have some culpability in some manner, just as I would if the tides were turned. Therefore, I try to do no harm, but alas, I am human with human needs and feelings. Don't deny the basic ones and there is less chance that will occur. ijs
My point. Do not allow those thoughts and beliefs to keep you from achieving that which you truly desire or have the need for. If you have guilt, knock it off, because you are the only one at that point who is keeping the desire or need at bay. Life is too short and I know almost every gent here tried his darndest to get his beloved to share before even considering another option.
Me, I am not afraid to tell someone I am not getting what I need from them and what the fall out of that might cause. But, others have their reasons for deciding not to discuss the fallout of being denied. I understand completely why that is and do not judge. It's not my place to do so. If you have a need to protect someone from it, then it's on you to ensure you do. It's only one reason why I SCREEN. LOL I am not responsible for your actions and many would place that responsibility upon the wrong party, but that's another discussion and yes...I'm wordy. LOL
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