Why are men ashamed to be submissive

It's cool to bang your chest and scream Me, dominant!

Or be sitting for dinner with your co workers discussing how you keep your wives under control...

But not how your wife handcuffs you to the bed every nite... and how you don't have a dominant bone in your weak willed body... pile of mush you really are ...and that's ok

Coming out of the D/s closet.

Are you...


I mean... I've had to numerous times deal with the boss for the guy I was with... neg salary when possible stick up for him when bitches assholes at work giving him a hard time ...."tell'em to go f*** it"...

I like to think it's one of my more positive traits than just plain ol wicked ones...

If you have someone, something 'taken care' of ...I've always been the gal for the job...

And it requires little to no effort on my part, just joy.


I remember last fall.... omg I told the girls on a hobby board I'd hunt down the fuckers who hurt them, bad mouth'd women, just stupid dicks. And guess what I did ...dropped one bomb after another JOY JOY


God, I love violence when it comes from my own hands. Delivering justice I mean *ahem*

BUHAHAHA HAHA HEHE

CACKLE

I ponder on that as well... Don't be ashamed. Only a strong man can take it anyway. ;->

The shame element comes, I'm fairly convinced, from social conditioning and peer pressure. To be genuinely submissive is going to take a lot of humiliation and not many men (or women) are going to accept that.

From my own perspective, I love the kinky side of BDSM and I suspect that is the case for many men. Most of this world is a male fantasy, including ideas of submission and even slavery. Once reality bites though I seriously doubt that most men could accept being genuinely treated as an inferior being.

Even the idea of taking a beating at the hands of a woman is something that is done with the consent of the male. Look at you Zabrina. You weigh next to nothing compared to some hairy arsed steel worker. You might think you are dominating him, but you are doing it with his consent, spoken or tacit. If he decided he had enough of being beaten, there's not much you could do about it. It's his fantasy as much as yours. To show his courage and strength and to impress the goddess wielding the whip gives us a thrill, but for most men I believe they know deep down that it's a game, a fantasy.

The game is much more enjoyable if the domina genuinely derives pleasure from it too. That is why genuinely sadistic doms are so prized.

Maybe I'm wrong about this, but as someone who enjoys the play but doesn't actually feel submissive I challenge any dom on this board to genuinely change my mind about that. I'll submit to anything they require with no restrictions and we'll see if they can actually change (or arguably reveal) my true nature into someone genuinely submissive. I don't think it is possible.

I've always wanted to b dominated

Many of the men who crave being dominated are, in real life, actually Alpha types.

VERY sexy, in my opinion.

Social Conditioning, IMO. And I agree, Elizabeth. I CAN be very submissive, but only in the bedroom when I'm fully aroused by an intuitive, fully engaged, actively participating, completely aroused woman.
Outside the bedroom? Nah, not so much. I'm polite and I would never say I'm an alpha per se. More like a lone wolf, who goes my own way without regard to leading, or following, others.

Cruel, painful, and shaming treatment will make most people reverse direction, unless of course, they are into that ! Some folks adore that, me, not so much.

I do not mind obeying a woman's orders, particularly in fantasy role play. For me, being sexualized by a woman as an object is fun play.

I am not into pain per se. I know several woman who love to be whipped because they enter into ' Sub Space ' which for them is highly erotic. It is a drug to them, as I have been told. The brain releases chemicals which result in a ' high ', an altered state. I have never attained that state so I can not speak to it directly. I trust them though, when they tell me this.

Anal play has to go very slowly for me, even with fingers and small toys. If I am with a woman who likes this sort of thing, then she must be willing to spend ample time in getting me relaxed enough for her to accomplish what she has in mind. Even the few times when life size objects have been used, the discomfort prevents me from enjoying it. I can't take it comfortably.

Prostate play with the right methodology is wonderful. No worries with that from me. The greedy, hungry, and even vindictive look ( see above comments ) is an empowering gift I can give them, and they love it. At least... that's what they tell me.

If it ain't your thing, then stay out of the sandbox. Zabrina is a woman I would be hesitant in playing with because her play is not really my style. It's like country or classical. Some folks prefer one over the other. I dig reading about what goes through her mind as it provides me with further insight into the human sexual condition.

... I'm polite and I would never say I'm an alpha per se. More like a lone wolf, who goes my own way without regard to leading, or following, others. Originally Posted by IanFleming

I have described myself in this fashion so frequently. In the bedroom, it's often joyous to explore in different fashions.

However, I tend to follow the beat of my own drummer, in my personal life. I don't consider myself a leader nor a follower. Just someone who is trying to make the most out of her life, with varying results.

I know that some view me as a ball busting female but that really isn't even near the truth of the matter. I lean towards being quite feminine and sometimes, quite submissive.

Thanks for writing what you did. Makes sense and it created a smile.

Elisabeth

Because a man should be the Alpha.
It is ingrained in us from birth.

Human nature.

Not really that hard to understand.

Because a man should be the Alpha.
It is ingrained in us from birth.

Human nature.

Not really that hard to understand. Originally Posted by Gotyour6

I disagree. Many men, most if truth be known, are not alpha at all. It doesn't mean that they will roll over and play dead because they are beta. I don't think people are quite as cut and dried as that. Just read some of the posts from men who want to be dominated. That sounds like a beta response and yet, as Elizabeth confirms, many of these men would identify as alphas. Many of the men who might identify as betas are quite clear that they could not tolerate being genuinely dominated by a woman outside of a fantasy environment. How many men genuinely rule the roost at home too?

That is the point.
If they are not alpha they need to act like it.

Like a dog will not show pain.

I am not saying that all men are Alpha, I am saying it is human nature for them to be. Faking it or not.

You see it all the time.

I am an alpha male both in my home and with my GF
That doesn't mean I don't let her control me once in a while
It doesn't mean that I control in any aspect.

Do I like to be dominated sometimes? Hell yes, its fucking hot.
Do I dominate? Hell yes, it is a fucking turn on.
Do I wash dishes and clean, yep

You have to be strong to be submissive.
You have to have 100% trust in someone to let yourself go and be comfortable with it.

Males are born and raised to be dominate
They may not be but they sure will try.

Very few people I have met are strictly Alpha or Beta. It is far more complex than that. It is contextual--both in terms of the situation, the subject matter, and the other people around. Yes, some tend to be more one than the other, but almost no one is wired to always be the Alpha--and if they try to be they usually learn there is ALWAYS a bigger fish somewhere in the pond.

It may be the circles I live in, but Lone Wolves are far more common than most people understand. And they come in many types--those who are the self reliant frontiersman/woman, but also the self-absorbed nerd, the psychopath, and many other variants.

The OP hypothesis is without a doubt far to simplistic view of the real world.

It all depends on the situation. Allowing yourself to be submissive and to be dominated in the bedroom is fine. Out in public, in the real world, not so much.

I don't think it's so much "afraid to submit" as not wanting to come out and describe our urges publicly. I have a huge fantasy about a dominant woman raping me and using my body for her pleasure (and have yet to find a provider that will do so), but you have to be the RIGHT woman. Half assing it, or the slightest hesitation feels like rejection. We're men, but we don't like to be rejected in our fantasies either.