Set to A Night Before Christmas. Originally in Mississippi so the providers listed are from there:
Ode to a backpage fake flake
Twas the night before Sunday, and I was alone;
but our fine Eccie ladies were not near my home.
No Cassie or Marley , or Bridgett or Lea;
no fine ladies of eccie for me to go see.
So with a raging boner and no common sense;
on to Backpage, in desperation I went.
First ad was a thief according to alerts;
the second had a pimp who was a big jerk.
The 3rd was hot, and her I did ogle;
Till the pics were all fake according to google.
The 4th girl I saw I thought I would chance her;
So I gave her a call, but not 1 single answer.
So 5th times a charm, she looked nice enough;
so I set the appointment and trusted my luck.
At the set time I went to the hotel;
it was a run down dump, and dirty as hell.
I got out of my car and to her room I went ;
thinking the whole time to Hell I've been sent.
Cause all around me were meth heads and bums;
but I kept on going cause I needed to cum.
She opened the door and to my disbelief,
she wasn't on crack and had all her teeth.
Although it was the girl in the ad,
those pics were old, I knew I'd been had.
But the hormones took over and the little head won;
so I paid the donation and prayed I'd have fun.
Well more bad luck had come through the door;
she took off her top and her boobs hit the floor.
Tight spinner my ass, though her ad it did tell;
but I swear those breasts were saggy as hell.
Past the point of no return, there I did be;
but what happened next, there's no GFE!
No kissing on the mouth no oral bareback;
and cock sucking skills this lady did lack.
Don't ask me how but my cock wanted in;
so she put on the condom and the sex did begin,
She started on top, then into mish;
my dumb little buddy had gotten his wish.
Then ten minutes later, before I was done;
she said have you cum, if not end the fun.
I said what the hell, I paid for an hour;
but she said I'm sorry but I want a shower.
So asked for a finish from the ungrateful twit;
so she let me jack off all over her tits.
The words from her mouth stung like a whip.
She said that was extra so where is my tip.
I said no tip I’m sorry my dear
But from out of nowhere her pimp did appear
So I threw her a 20 and started to run
Because fighting this guy wouldn’t be fun.
So stick to eccie ladies the best in the land
But if they're not available then just use your hand.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS