Eat Pussy Live Happy!

Is my motto......Ive learned in this hobby that personally I need typically more than a 1 hour appt and why is because I personally love to eat pussy which leaves very little time for anything else....
I apologize for this being such a long post but stuck at home in the snow wishing I was submarining between a pair of ladies thighs and thought Id pose the question

I think about it more than any other activity...Question is do you??

I love the toe curling!
I love the juices flowing!
I love the hair grabbing....unfortunately mines too short!
I love the screams and twitching a woman releases during and after orgasm!
And I always believe help her get her's and she will return the favor in most cases!

My personal favorite is to have a woman ride my face....former provider Bristol once commented she "Raped My Face" and Oh my was it intense with multiple orgasms for her and me just a great big smile!

Ive taken upon myself with the belief that Im pretty good at it based on feedback not just from the hobby but past relationships...But I wish to be the best or better at it!
I have a hobby friend from what Ive learned has studied it and feel I want to achieve serious ninja status at the art!

Eating Pussy is an art, If you dont enjoy eating Pussy, then you suck at it...

This simple diagram summarizes all the basic and advanced techniques. Study it and commit it to memory. Or if you're dumb, write it on your hand.
Attachment 198732


I say it takes practice...girls what do you say?

The secret to eating pussy is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face.

Think of eating the puss as your way of saying, “Although I am about to rock your insides with 3,000 lbs. of explosives, here’s a little intimate treat session to show you how I really feel.” Instead of a screaming “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what fucking should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “ooohmygodohmygodohmygod.” Kind of like being massaged with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik. A good mange (that’s French for “eat,” you brutes) is like a thousand years of Saturdays or a “Calgon, take me away” ad.

Here are more funny tips:

1) Be Down
Don’t go down unless you’re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don’t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes get forgiven

2) Don’t Say Hi to Dry
A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for awhile. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that’s needed to get the honey dripping.

Once you’re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There’s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she’s really begging for it before you get under the covers.

Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950s milkshake with two straws.

Important: Don’t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78 percent of a woman’s pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.

3) Submarine Mission for You, Baby
Once she’s lathered up, it’s time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don’t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you’re going away on vacation.

Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.

Start by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don’t get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That’s something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it’s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move towards the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head for the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run.

When you’re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don’t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that’s the actual cunt.

By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you’re doing it right, she’ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she’s been holding her breath for three days.

Extra trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all know that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin’ crawdaddies.

Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

4) Parting the Red Seas
Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what the Cavity Creeps are to dental hygiene. You’re never going to be able to identify all the parts if she looks like that PiL album That What Is Not. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet.

5) The Grand Entrance
Do your first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too. It shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these “St. Bernard licks” before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive, she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you’re in for an easy ride. If there’s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you’re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue tendinitis.

6) Rock the Boat
Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If you’re getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who’s boss.
After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. He’s surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you’re giving the pee hole the seeing-to of its life. Think of the clit as a tumor in a pile of earlobes. When you push down on the area he’s the only one that can’t be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention into getting him alone. Once you find him, give him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk him and give him a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and his bad attitude later.
Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat.

7) Identifying the Clit Type
After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori: ones that enjoy a serious going-over and ones that don’t. The latter suck about as much as a one-inch penis and you should dump her right away.
Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes, and sensitivities, but that doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning, but the only way to tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach, but just do the best you can. All we can tell you is convulsing means take it ease and “Oh my God” means bring it on.

8a) Clits That Need a Serious Going-over
These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he’s on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an airtight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He’s not going to tell you shit because he’s a clit and he has no idea what you’re talking about, but kick his ass anyway. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking.

As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.

Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Micmac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale.

Important: Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she’s multiorgasmic, you’ll have to keep going until you’ve done the whole routine another four or five times. If you’re not sure what to do, just keep giving her shit until the magic hands come down to pull you off.

8b) Clits That Don’t
Some clits don’t want to be singled out and battered around. These are the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple. If you’re getting bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here, pal, and that can be problematic. If you go for that long and she doesn’t cum, you’re going to be in a foul mood, so if it’s too much work, move on. On the bright side, going for thirty minutes is something few people have the patience for, so sticking it out will lead to some payback when period week comes around.

9) The Conclusion
Once you’re done (totally finished), she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate. You now have a good minute to get the condom on and take her from the quarters of Prince Muhammad Muhammad Saddat to the cockpit of an F-15.


EXTRA BONUS TRACKS

1) Getting Fired
If two hands suddenly drop from the sky and start pulling you up, you’ve just been sacked. She’ll tell you she never cums from that anyway, but the truth is you suck at sucking. Just give her a jolly good rogering and look at the whole thing as a learning experience. Later you can ask what the problem was so you can get it right next time. If you’re really lame, you can ask for a regular play-by-play from the broadcast booth. A bit of the old “slow-down-you’re-going-too-fast–yeah-there-like-that-oh-that’s-perfect” can turn even the John Wayne Bobbitt of pussy eaters into a Doug Hart.

2) The Power Lunch
Nothing keeps you in the game and makes her cum harder than a mid-fuck munch. Pulling out in the middle of the race may leave her a bit confused, but it’s a great way for all you premature ejaculators to simmer down a bit and it reminds her neglected clitoris that he’s a somebody. If, after a few seconds, she still isn’t into it, you can save face by pretending you just couldn’t resist. Give it up and get back to the boff.

Extra tip: Unless you like the taste of your own latex-covered dink, keep your mid-fuck snacking to the upper clit region and stay away from the hole.

3) The Bottom
Fingers: If you are dealing with a particularly saucy vixen she may want something in her bum. A thumb gives you the best leeway, but keep in mind you are doing a raunchy thing and this should be saved until the end. Incidentally, if you’re trying to introduce a bum finger as a good thing, try eeking it in during orgasm. If it doesn’t wreck everything you could have a Pavlovian response on your hands for the rest of the relationship.

Hole: We’re not going to get into licking the actual hoop in this article because if you’re into that, you’re way too advanced for this seminar and should have graduated with a PhD in pussy years ago.

Cheeks: Bum-cheek rubbing is always good. There are over five hundred thousand nerve endings on those cheeks, so giving them a good squeeze or a slap while you lick the pussy will get you instant results.

4) The Double Whammy
Though some idiots say it takes away from when you actually put in the dink, simultaneous fingering is a great way to totally blow her mind. Think of it as the crack cocaine of cunnilingus.

5) Being Knackered
Tongue exhaustion is the number-one cause of abandoned manging, but there are many ways to avoid it. Like we said, using your tongue as an inanimate object is a great way to give it a rest. Stick it out as far as it can go and tense it. Then bite into it with your teeth and move it around the cunt using your neck muscles. Another solution is simply to use your fingers on the clit while you give your mouth a rest.

I also found this site http://www.unclemelon.com/how_to_eat_pussy.html
and found it funny and knowledgeable...read up boys!

If I had a choice between all the money and all the pussy in the world...somehow Id think I'll take the pussy...what say you?

http://makesyouwannaeatpussy.tumblr.com/ great pics to get ya thinking!
I love eatn pussy and 99% of the time the woman cums while I am licking her pussy. They get so freakn wet, its awesome. It you have your finger in there you can feel it when then cum. Then pull your fingers out n start licking her cum off most of the time the women will join in that.
Great job on the educational post. I am in the doctoral program but I have not completed my dissertation, so peer reviewed articles on pussy munching are always welcome.

I am absolutely gonna ask a provider to rape my face very soon.

Honestly, many times when I contact a provider it is eating her pussy that makes me excited to see her, any orgasm I have is often just a bonus.
Is absolutely my most favorite thing EVER. Words can't even describe how much fun this is. I really need a g/f that will sit on my face three weeks a month!!
And of course lets not forget the Nina Hartley video

http://www.xvideos.com/video51477/ni..._to_sunny_lane

There will be people who find the thread too crude or too long....but its just fun
Ok, a couple of points need to be corrected:

Please note, that every woman is different, and the following is based on my preferences, as well as my experience as a lesbian trapped in a woman's body. Err, something. I would love it if a few other women would jump in here and share what feels good to them and what doesn't feel good.

1. Regarding spreading the lips. Please do it gently. Gently opening the labia is lovely, but don't lay the labia open as though you are preparing to perform exploratory surgery. It hurts, and if you are overly enthusiastic about it, you can actually tear the skin.

2. Regarding teeth - never, and I mean never, ever allow your teeth to even slightly graze the clit.

3. Regarding suction - do not ever, I mean ever create a "tight vacuum seal". A clit is not the last drop of a milkshake that you are determined to suck out of the bottom of the glass. Sucking on it like you are eating your last meal is liable to get you punched in the ear. Light suction is absolutely wonderful. Superb, glorious, and is especially helpful in keeping that slippery little clit from getting away from you at the moment of orgasm. But "LIGHT" is the keyword. Use suction judiciously and cautiously. Watch your partner's body for signs of when too much is too much. If she's pulling away from you, its too much. If she's trying to break your neck by pushing her pussy in your face, then you are definitely doing it right. If she's simultaneously grinding into your face, while holding your head, then remember exactly what you are doing at that moment, bottle it and copyright it.

More than anything else though, and I can't emphasize this enough, NEVER combine suction, even light suction, with shaking or moving your head back and forth or pulling your head back. Not even a little bit. Remember when you were a kid and you'd put your mouth on a soda bottle and suction til your lips got sucked into the opening? Try this experiment - do that to your lips, then pull the bottle off. That is what it feels like when a guy applies suction to the clit, then pulls back or starts moving his head around.

4. 90% of clit stimulation comes from tongue action. Keep your tongue soft and relaxed. When a woman is fully aroused, and is nearing orgasm, the tip of the tongue can feel wonderful. Before full arousal though, it does not feel pleasant.

5. Regarding fingers. First, when stroking a woman's clit, make sure your finger is wet. It doesn't matter if its her own juices, or if you lick your finger, either one will work fine. But don't stroke the clit without some moisture so that your fingers glide nice and smoothly over her love button. Go slowly with inserting your finger, don't insert your finger if she isn't wet yet, and work your finger slowly in and out until she is fully wet. In my life, I have yet to meet a woman who enjoys having a finger pistoned in and out at the speed of sound. I'm sure she's out there, but she is in the minority. A finger slowly and rhythmically worked in and out of the pussy while your tongue recites the alphabet is beyond mind blowing. This is one area though, that will vary significantly from one woman to another. Watch her body to see how she reacts.

6. Regarding fingers in the ass. Don't do it. Your finger needs to be lubed if you are going to stick it in a woman's ass. Neither spit nor pussy juice is sufficient. If you want to take the time to lube your finger up, and she's agreeable, then full speed ahead.

7.
Once you’re done (totally finished), she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate. You now have a good minute to get the condom on and take her from the quarters of Prince Muhammad Muhammad Saddat to the cockpit of an F-15.
^^^ BEST ADVICE EVER!! I love, love, LOVE it when a man just leaves his tongue on my clit after a powerful orgasm. Failing that, take your hand and gently cup it over the whole pussy. Take the time to feel the aftershocks and enjoy the results of your labor!

A few other random bits of information:

* Directly behind the clit lies the pelvic bone, which is very hard and unyielding. Because its, well, bone. This is why putting anything more than light pressure on the clit while rubbing it (particularly with fingers, but even your tongue can press too hard) is not only not enjoyable, it can be painful. You are essentially trapping the clit between two hard objects - your finger, and her pelvic bone. When rubbing the clit, use no pressure at all, just allow your wet finger to glide over the clit.

*Directly on top of the aforementioned pelvic bone is the nerve bundle that enervates the clit. While licking a woman's pussy, gently rubbing a spot right around the bikini line can produce a very intense orgasm. This varies from woman to woman. I myself don't care for it, but for some women, finding that nerve bundle and rubbing it gently during oral can send her right over the edge.

* Again, this one varies from one woman to another, but I absolutely LOVE having my labia sucked on. Unlike the clit, the labia doesn't contain 3.8 million nerve endings, so feel free to suck on them to your heart's content. Its not something that will produce an orgasm, but as a tease and foreplay before the main event, labia sucking outranks playing with my nipples by a mile. I can go from first gear to fifth gear in 5.6 seconds with a little labia lapping and loving. It doesn't do a thing for some women though, so this tip, like so many others, only works on some women, but not necessarily all women.

Last note: I watched the Nina Hartley video. I kept twitching, yelping, and doing the male equivalent of crossing my legs in agony while I watched it. Way too much pulling, squeezing, and sucking. Did anyone notice that even though it was a 10 minute video, she still had to keep licking her fingers to add wetness? If her advice was as good as she thinks it was, she wouldn't need spit. The girl would have supplied all she needed and then some. That's porn pussy licking, not what really feels good.
Wow. How am i going to get anything done today after reading that! Damn.
OK, you had to figure I had to chime in a little on this topic, since I have (arguably excessively) proclaimed my lust for the extreme DATY sessions.

BigDeal certainly has a lot of interesting information in his post, and I appreciate that there are other guys around town that enjoy the same thing that I do to the point that we try to improve every time we "dine". A couple traveling ladies have jokingly, but with good intentions, designated Kansas City as the DATY capital. We worked hard on getting that title!

And Sins has an excellent follow-up post from the ladies' perspective. Thanks, Stacy!

Here's my take on the whole thing... women truly are different on what they like between their legs, so I simply do one thing... I ask... "How do you like to be licked?" And then I do that. And I want feedback during, as well. And, to me, the best feedback is when the thighs tighten (and I go deaf), and she taps out to the point where she uses the top of my head as a drum. Then, like BigDeal and Stacy both concur, I just flatten my tongue on her mound and rest.

As far as DATY porn, I've found the best ones to "learn from" are the Viv Thomas and Sapphic Erotica videos. They're still porn videos, but educational, as well.
malwoody's Avatar
Big Deal and SOTF need to get busy on an instructional video..
Nina Hartley....WTF does that Bitch know....LOL

Almost forgot...filmed by SS and directed by the Wiz....
...and directed by the Wiz.... Originally Posted by malwoody
Annnnnd ACTION!
Wizard I think you and I need to hold a little seminar and we get a conference room at the local Best Western with a catered lunch (nevermind thats already provided...LOL)....and we could have different providers come in and show us what they like and what works...hell we could sell tickets!

Malwoody and Dirty Dog could be our bouncers and we could special guests...like daty Tabie and Gene Simmons...LOL

Fuck me I think I found my next career.....traveling the world with an entourage from the daty capital

And then theres Broadway...and David Letterman and SNL!

I better get back to practicing......
Here's a brain storm. The next time Dallas Rain graces our fair city, perhaps I can coax her into making an instructional video with me! By all accounts she is the equivalent of a 5 star all you can eat dining experience. Now that is something I would LOVE to get in on!

We can sell lottery tickets to determine who will be the lucky camera man!
Here's a brain storm. The next time Dallas Rain graces our fair city, perhaps I can coax her into making an instructional video with me! By all accounts she is the equivalent of a 5 star all you can eat dining experience. Now that is something I would LOVE to get in on!

We can sell lottery tickets to determine who will be the lucky camera man! Originally Posted by SinsOfTheFlesh
Fuck the camera man...I wanna do play by play!
Fuck the camera man... Originally Posted by BigDeal
With both Dallas Rain and Stacy there, I have no doubt that would happen, as well...
Wow - I was going to put in my .02 after reading the OP's post but then saw that Sins of Flesh nailed everything I was going to say! Now I am all worked up and ready to go rub one out

xoxo