Dear Lana.........Advice on dating!

I was chatting with a hobbyist friend the other night and the subject turned to dating! He basically told me that he was on this site because he really didn't have time to date and go through all the hoops just to get laid! He asked me if it was possible to find someone here who he was physically attracted to with the possibility of emotional ties! I first told him no because let's face it, this really isn't a dating site! For several days, I thought about it and you know.......he may be right! Why not? For us single people, we all want love just like everyone else! I know I sure do! We know we love sex or we wouldn't be on this site! I damn sure do! We all know that physical attraction is the most important quality when we're looking for a mate........the rest goes along with it! Who knows......maybe one day we'll have a matchmakers forum!


Ladies and gentlemen........your thoughts?

There are some really cool people here. However, I think it would be difficult. But if any of my favorites girls .......

matchmakers forum...interesting

I can see what your hobbyist friend was getting at.

I will be the first to admit that if I go to a bar to try to pick up a single chick it's pretty much a disaster. Call it emotional performance anxiety? It's clear that I have no game.

But with a provider I need no game. I am going to have a good time.

It's interesting that the women I work in an office with think I am super awesome and are completely surprised to find that I am not married. It's because I don't need to have a game with them (and they are mostly already married or attached) and I am my natural self. But put me in a room with a single, available atrractive woman... yeah, epic fail.

So... I can see the appeal of getting a casual emotional tie with a provider.

There's going to be issues... but that's the same issues that everybody has in a social/dating/matchmaking relationship. There are some providers that would be a blast to hang out with socially, but a guy wouldn't want to date them... and the same would be true for a provider who would hang out with a hobbyist and not date them.

Anyone got further thoughts?

It occasionally happens. To come looking for that kind of involvement is setting oneself up for disappointment.

I have enjoyed this hobby for several years. BTW I don't hobby when married so emotinal envolment is not a problem. I have dated a few of the ladies that I knew well. I didn't even initiate because I know that the ladies have lots of offers. When a door was opened for me, I went in, if I was interested.

Again, I was not looking for that, it just happened.

Torito

Lana

You don't go and see a provider multiple times if there is not some interest beyond just hobbying. We all have friends in the business a we patronize them.

It can certainly be done, but it can be a slippery slope. There are some cool people on here and to quote the Boss - Bruce:

"Don't make no difference what nobody says
Aint nobody like to be alone

Everybodys got a hungry heart..."

I think it's important to set some ground rules first and not to expect things to be mutually exclusive.

Lana,

I suppose it could happen. However, the odds are definitely working against anyone who attempts to do so. There are good people who are here for a variety of reasons. We share a very intimate experience in this crazy world. We come back over time for more than the physical. It's a given an emotional bond will form over time. It's definitely hard to make happen, but then again anything worthwhile is difficult in life. If it dies work amazing. If it doesn't, it can be messy because of hurt feelings and the amount of personal info you have on eachother.

My advice is tread carefully. However, if both feel the same way, take the risk. No great accomplishments were ever achieved in our history without great risk.

FTH

I was chatting with a hobbyist friend the other night and the subject turned to dating! He basically told me that he was on this site because he really didn't have time to date and go through all the hoops just to get laid! He asked me if it was possible to find someone here who he was physically attracted to with the possibility of emotional ties! I first told him no because let's face it, this really isn't a dating site! For several days, I thought about it and you know.......he may be right! Why not? For us single people, we all want love just like everyone else! I know I sure do! We know we love sex or we wouldn't be on this site! I damn sure do! We all know that physical attraction is the most important quality when we're looking for a mate........the rest goes along with it! Who knows......maybe one day we'll have a matchmakers forum!


Ladies and gentlemen........your thoughts? Originally Posted by Lana Warren

I think it's all about 3 things:
Attraction
Attitude-Frame of Mind
Need for $$$

How many Ladies on this Board or other Boards, Are ALSO on Dating Sites, regular chat rooms, and also go to Clubs in hopes of finding a nice guy to Date??? This number would amaze you But, the need for $$$ bring those SAME Ladies here. IMHO: Unlike some guy's, the ladies need more than just sex, they crave companionship, romance, and security.

CG

Lana,

Interesting post and what others have written is food for consideration as well. My thoughts on this are that it is not a good idea to have a dating section. To think a connection, such as would be required for a long term relationship, is made based solely on being physically attracted as well as sexually compatible is putting the cart before the horse. After the charm wears off (in about fifteen minutes) you better know something far more to take the place of sex.

Remember in the P4P realm, very little which is real is ever known prior to sex being had between a guy and a doll. Once two have had sex they may feel they want more but, at that point, it is all too easy to confuse lust for love since in most cases it is only lust in the first place or the illusion of passion. Since reality is rarely there, meaning knowing each other’s real names, each other’s real history, true likes/dislike, etc., why get involved? Put another way, one would be getting involved with a lie rather than the truth since what one may feel is real really isn't if you dig down without the fog of lust in your eyes/heart. Why that is the case is because what one thinks is love is really just lust since they are having sex before they really know each other and time, in a true sense of a relationship, has yet to occur. Remember, very powerful hormones are at work when guys/dolls are having sex and one of those it is called Oxytocin while another is Dopamine. There are other hormones as well but let’s be pragmatic by bottom lining this, shall we? Most women who are in the P4P realm are single while most guys who are in this realm are attached, either by marriage or LTR. Let’s not get sidetracked on the motivations of why the women are in the P4P realm versus the guys because that is a whole different argument. However, I will point out that the reasons why women do this type of work has very little to do with what they will state publically, a fact I know from direct experience, while the guys are… guys.

The bottom line as I see it is this: Can a dating situation work in P4P? Sure, it can work but in 99 out of 100 cases it doesn’t for a variety of reasons we all know and have read. While everybody wants/needs to be loved by somebody that they can call their own and have security in those feelings since that is a part of the human equation, I would not want to see a dating section in the P4P world since P4P is not real or based upon reality. It really is that simple because when you are having sex before knowing the real person you are with then invariably someone ends up being screwed, so don’t confuse lust for love.

What happens in the P4P realm rarely, if ever, is love while 99 44/100 percent of the time it is just lust despite what some may say. I know that is true because I have been there before therefore I would not be inclined to see such a section on a review board.

My advice on dating in the P4P realm is... DON'T.

For the first time in 10 years of this business, I came across somebody I was really smitten with. We didn't meet on a business level, just a hi I'm so and so level-but I thought it was the fourth of July with all the sparks. If we weren't both in this world, OMG I would have to pursue his butt on another level. lol

Meg

See for me-- I don't think it could ever happen.

If I were to meet someone and hit it off on that level, I think it would be instantly doomed. Why? Because I'm not at the point fiscally where I could just quit, I refuse to let someone support me, and I would NOT be ok with dating someone who was OK with me doing this.

Better go for it Meg, may be 10 more years before it happens again.

Free site and I hear that hookups can happen here. http://www.plentyoffish.com/

See for me-- I don't think it could ever happen.

If I were to meet someone and hit it off on that level, I think it would be instantly doomed. Why? Because I'm not at the point fiscally where I could just quit, I refuse to let someone support me, and I would NOT be ok with dating someone who was OK with me doing this. Originally Posted by DecemberLove

You impress me in a lot of ways