Other than that, the rule of thumb was, "You like to play? I like to play." Let's be friends.
From there I ended up with three younger sisters and got drenched in a Donna Reed/Doris Day culture. For me and my inner nerd, girls went from being friends to being "them". As an analytical guy, I created categories and treated categories appropriately. It was a mental approach to life and not a visceral approach.
Women were my care-givers, people I protected, people I hungered for...many things but the big one. Simply people to be real with.
When I started doing my own Elvis impression of "He's nothing but a horn dog" lounge act last October, I was seeking sexual fantasies. The search was on for those unattainable images that kicked around in my brain.
The analyst had a list of "events" and wanted to systemically check the list off because I didn't want to go without having experienced somethings that caused me to wake up from my slumbering dreams with a raging, but humble, erection.
I can't put my finger on any one engagement that caused me to shift, and I think, to grow up. Maybe even "grow up" by going back to attitudes I had before I grew into puberty.
Like chops at a tree, each contributing to the eventual outcome, providers helped me fell the tree that had been blocking my view.
As I drove home last night after a particularly FUN engagement, it dawned on me.
[Windshield time is good that way. You have the time to look forward while glancing in the rear view mirror to reflect back as well.]
I have come to realize that my pre-existing condition of needing to plot and plan in the accomplishment of otherwise unattainable conquests has yielded to a better and far more stable perspective.
Maybe I should have just listened to LAP from the outset.
The better way is to have FUN.
Drop the checklists, drop preconceived meeting objectives, drop the stereotypes of the providers developed by review analysis...drop all of that.
JUST HAVE FUN.
Play.
What was probably always obvious to my peers, was not at all obvious to me. I am a nerd.
This epiphany is the result of many of the great women who use this board, and a few who do not, that have been so open with me. I can see how in my "real-life", my re-emerged relaxed and fun-loving view of women has improved my home life and my work life in perceptible ways.
Thank you.
Seriously, thank you.
It seems like I should crack a joke at this point but I don't have one.
Instead I'll just wave for now and look forward to our next play date.
