Jokes... LOL :)

Alyssa_Dream's Avatar
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 50
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk (This could or could not be me depending on the time of night.. LMAO )
Professional - Bitch
Wants Soul mate - Stalker


WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay


And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
That's fuckin funny.... True for the most part but funny
kiki2012's Avatar
Sooooo True! Lmao!! Passionate- sloppy drunk also depends on time of night lol. I tend be more aggressive. Tee hee
Alyssa_Dream's Avatar
LOL same here.. I wonder what alcohol has to do with us being more "bossy".. lmao hadn't got any complaints.. I am starting to think people like me drinking.. lmao JK.. I think....
LOL same here.. I wonder what alcohol has to do with us being more "bossy".. lmao hadn't got any complaints.. I am starting to think people like me drinking.. lmao JK.. I think.... Originally Posted by Alsaadream
I like you best NAKED!!!!!
dewynter's Avatar
I like you best NAKED!!!!! Originally Posted by TigerSports
+1000
Alyssa_Dream's Avatar
+1000 Originally Posted by dewynter
YOU TOO BFEXXXeperience!! HAHA!!!:mf_lus tslow:
BFEXXXexperience? Sign me up please!!!!!
dewynter's Avatar
BFEXXXexperience? Sign me up please!!!!! Originally Posted by TigerSports
Lol I don't play that side of the fence.
Not you pal. I'm talking about Alyssa having a BFE with me. I don't play on that side either.
Alyssa_Dream's Avatar
Global facts about sex...

At Any Given Moment:

79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

58,000,000 are kissing.

37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

1 unlucky person is reading shit on a fuck board in stead of getting laid.

Hang In there... Trying... LMAO
Alyssa_Dream's Avatar
Ever wonder what the feathers in an Indian's headdress stand for?
A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian Chief, asked the
significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.
"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied.
Pointing to a nearby young brave, he continued, "Him, One woman, one
feather. Him", pointing to a second, older man, "Three women, three
feathers."
The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many feathers!"
The Chief proudly slapped his chest. "Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall."
Horrified, the female reporter said, "You ought to be hung!"
The Chief said, "Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake."
The offended reporter said, "You don't have to be hostile!"
The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!"
The reporter cried, "Oh, dear!"
"No deer," said the Chief. "Ass too high, run too fast."

HAHA...
Global facts about sex...

At Any Given Moment:

79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

58,000,000 are kissing.

37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

1 unlucky person is reading shit on a fuck board in stead of getting laid.

Hang In there... Trying... LMAO
Originally Posted by Alsaadream
I guess I'm unlucky..... Wanna help with that? LOL
Alyssa_Dream's Avatar
I guess I'm unlucky..... Wanna help with that? LOL Originally Posted by TigerSports
me too!!! wtf is wrong with us??? humm
dewynter's Avatar
Global facts about sex...

At Any Given Moment:

79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

58,000,000 are kissing.

37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

1 unlucky person is reading shit on a fuck board in stead of getting laid.

Hang In there... Trying... LMAO
Originally Posted by Alsaadream
Oh Shit this sucks ,I'm the one..lmao