when we were clowns..

so this thread is sort of like the flip side of "when we were kings." i expect to be able to post many on-topic stories in this thread, unfortunately..

so lets hear about your sorry clownshows..

Were? I've never stopped.

^^ikr..
i tried "when we are clowns," but it just didn't have the same ring to it..

So I'm supposed to meet Rory in Vegas for New Years a few weeks back, at the Cosmo no less. Meanwhile, my mentally retarded HOA-now I'm up to 3 lawsuits as a plaintiff-has destroyed my gorgeous complex with a defective sprinkler system which grows toxic molds and kills plants. Idiots beyond comprehension. And I'm doing mold remediation in my med center condo. Thing of it is, anywhere you look when you're doing mold remediation reveals another problem. So I keep making excuses and by the time I'm ready to leave, Rory's like, "Well I fly out tomorrow morning." Later I learn that the Cosmo changed all the rules so we cannot repeat an epic run from 2 years prior, so basically Rory has to play in a fixed game with weighted dice without his math nerd uncle as his wingman, and predictably, he came up short. 6 dollar minimum to hop the 7s and 1g max all total instead of 3gs. An unwinnable game, way worse than a straight field bet with a 5% house edge. If I was there, I wouda said, "Fuck the Cosmo. I smell a rat." So great job px standing up your nephew for New Years in the city of sin. You fucking retard.

So I still have my sorry ass bankroll of a g.5, plus tip money 40 in ones. So I make a quick run to Lake Charles. Start on the electronic tables at laberge at 3am on a monday morning because my shooting spot isn't open. Go up a couple hundred before the table turns. I can't figure out how to quickly change my bet, which makes me irascible af, and i start losing. So I cash out down about 150. See my shooting spot open up on a real table, but after going up about 200, can't do anything right, so I color up a grand total of 1170, down 330 so far, from Laberge. Decide to check out the Golden Nugget and see if my luck gets any better.

Walk there to clear my head on the beach side. It's 4am and looks like a Gulf of Mexico dead zone. Finally get to the Golden Nugget and drop my now-smaller bankroll and my id for comps. The pitboss says just a minute. I think back to Vegas year before last. Oh ya, that Joe Navy clusterfuck.

Here's what happened. Rory came with 50gs and I brought a sorry 1.5. But I still didn't want to lose my widow's mite so we joined bankrolls and played team ball.

We had been playing a crazy Big Red progression at the Cosmo and were up by about 13gs after a white knuckle ride. Fast bets on awful shooters. Big Red: dolla, 2 dolla, 3 dolla hop the 7s, 6 dolla hop the 7s, 12 dolla hop the 7s, and so on until the shooter 7ed out or we got to table max: 3000 hop the 7s, 500 big red, and then lay behind first 6s and 8s, then 5 and 9s, and so on, til we got a 7 or went broke. We killed it.

Anyway, we go to the GN in Vegas at 5 am, and try to get a couple spots. Nope just one spot. Rory drops about a g just to sorta be in the game while we start doing counts on different shooters til they seven out. Mostly brothas who've been there 8, 9, 10 hours. That doesn't happen without great shooting, and there's only 1 bad shooter on the table. Rory pulls me aside and gives me the rest of about 50k and says, "I gotta take a piss. Do nothing with this unless all the stars align perfectly." "Copy that."

Dice move way faster than I expected for a hot table, til the bad shooter becomes the second to shoot. I say fuck it and drop the rest of the 50, and say dryly,"umm, can i get a few more chips?"

the game stops while the count begins. Joe Navy pitboss pulls out a clipboard and pulls me aside. "Just fill out this form." IRS disclosure for table buy-in above 10k. I get the deer in the headlights look. I'm in Chapter 7 to save my house from the evil HOA. no damn way in a million i'm gonna touch this piece of paper. earlier, he'd asked me whose $ it was. I said mine, which was sorta true: 1500 of the 50k was mine lol. Now i say, "It's his." And just like that the pit boss says, "If you ever wanna play in the Golden Nugget again, you're gonna need your Social Security card." That's fucking great. Rory gets back, gives me the wtf look, and I say, "Play it out. I'll be at the slots so I can't do anything else equally retarded." He just laughs and not 5 min later joins me at the slots and tells me there was more fuckery to be had: they would only let him buy in at 10k. some rule Joe Navy just made up. I said, "Fuck the Golden Nugget. How bout we hit the Cromwell with their 100x odds?" He said sure. The dice gods showed up for us at the Cromwell. We had 1 bad do shooter and 2 good Dos and Donts shooters: me and Rory. We killed with about 12k profit even before it was time for breakfast. Anyway, fast forward 2 years while i'm standing at this table at the GN Lake Charles like a clown to see if they'll even let me play. Finally, this dude in a full suit shows up and says, "You are presently banned at the GN because you bought in at over 10k but refused to provide your social." i said, "Great! You have any other good news for me?" And he says, "Well there's this form.." Wonderful. Another form. All for a lousy 1170 buy in.

Well I had to get straight with the IRS in my Chapter 7 anyway, and now that case is resolved except for an Adverse Proceeding against the HOA for general fuckery, so after looking over this form, I think to myself, "in theory, no skeletons should fall outta the closet" and i write in my social and place my john hancock on the dotted line, hoping that i didn't forget anything and end up in shackles in a Louisiana dungeon, where they have the Napoleonic Code, which is whatever the hell cops, prosecutors and judges deem it to be..

^^forgot to say "to be continued." another clownish move, so pretty much on point for this particular thread..

i would post a link to the backstory Crazy Vegas Adventures, but i'm afraid that TW will again quote the whole story every time he adds some random comment to the thread, so no. way. can. do.

umm, UC, can we set a point penalty for quoting any thread/story over 3 pages of continous text just to add some random comment? i mean, every time TW did that, he was making all of us want to jump off of a really high cliff, with nothing more than a faint hope that there might be some water below. at that point, it didn't even matter..

As long as random comments are allowed without quoting the story. I am no longer a king and a smart ass clown at best.

As long as random comments are allowed without quoting the story. I am no longer a king and a smart ass clown at best. Originally Posted by Michael8219

absolutely sir!

and all feel free to share your own "when we were clowns" stories. i for one never lack for on-topic anecdotes or longer tales of misadventure and tomfoolery..

Dice move way faster than I expected for a hot table, til the bad shooter becomes the second to shoot. I say fuck it and drop the rest of the 50, and say dryly,"umm, can i get a few more chips?"
Originally Posted by pxmcc

Define bad shooter. I've held the dice for 30 minutes at a time and have gotten a big round of applause, and I've held the dice through 2 rolls (I to establish a point, the second 7 out line away) in which the reception by the other players wasn't so nice.

Define bad shooter. I've held the dice for 30 minutes at a time and have gotten a big round of applause, and I've held the dice through 2 rolls (I to establish a point, the second 7 out line away) in which the reception by the other players wasn't so nice. Originally Posted by DEAR_JOHN

great question Dear John!

so for that trip to Vegas with Rory's massive bankroll-and my puny one-we could last for about 18 rolls, meaning if the shooter could roll over 18 rolls without a 7, we'd be bust.

the "count" is how many rolls a shooter can roll without a 7. we looked for shooters who rolled crazy-Nolan Ryan style-or used bad sets (and preferably both) and whose count was rarely above 7 rolls.

Rory and I have both have had rolls over 18 without a 7, so in a good shooter scenario like that, it would be nuts to run a Martingale on the 7. my clown move (at the GN Lk Charles) involved that exact progression.

great question Dear John!

so for that trip to Vegas with Rory's massive bankroll-and my puny one-we could last for about 18 rolls, meaning if the shooter could roll over 18 rolls without a 7, we'd be bust.

the "count" is how many rolls a shooter can roll without a 7. we looked for shooters who rolled crazy-Nolan Ryan style-or used bad sets (and preferably both) and whose count was rarely above 7 rolls.

Rory and I have both have had rolls over 18 without a 7, so in a good shooter scenario like that, it would be nuts to run a Martingale on the 7. my clown move (at the GN Lk Charles) involved that exact progression. Originally Posted by pxmcc

I've read many books concerning gambling, Vegas, and especially craps. One thing every book agrees on is to stay completely away from the Martingale 'system'.

I've read many books concerning gambling, Vegas, and especially craps. One thing every book agrees on is to stay completely away from the Martingale 'system'. Originally Posted by DEAR_JOHN

It's a Martingale in name only. Basically, you are willing to wager your bankroll that a bad shooter will 7 out or roll a come out 7 within a set number of rolls. The higher the number, the safer your bet. But yes, it does require nuts of steel to stay the course when you're down to your last few bets. That was part of my clownshow from my last trip to the GN Lake Charles, which had a surprising ending nevertheless.

The fact that the Cosmo changed all of it's rules is pretty good evidence that for the right player and bankroll, it's a bit dicey for the casino, no pun intended..

So story continues. Without shooting because I can't shoot without practicing, I think, so I just focus on betting on good shooters and bad shooters.

First time get up to about 1250, and count out 11 bets for a bad shooter. Find my guy, but after his 8th roll, I start second guessing myself and get cold feet. Course, what does he roll on his ninth roll? Of course, he sevens and I lose a bunch of money for being a scaredy cat clown.

Second time was more interesting. This time I was ready with 12 bets and got to my ninth, and once again got cold feet. What a fooking pussy! What was strange was that he actually made it past 12 rolls without a 7. After the 12th roll, I thought about getting back in for 3 more rolls but again chickened out. He 7ed out on his 15th roll, which if I would have ventured back in on the 13th roll and stayed the course, would have me a fortune, which of course falls into the casino being the land of the great woulda, shoulda, coulda. everything in the subjunctive..

Third run, I had worked my way back up to 1500 and could last for 13 rolls. After the 10th roll, I got cold feet once again, for the third time, and of course, what did he roll next? Why, naturally, a Big Red! That has happened to me more times than I'd to admit. And, that really walloped my bankroll quite well. I think I lost about half my chips for thinking i'm bad but in truth, I'm just a sorry ass fuck lol. It was a first class clownshow by a first class clown..

Story continues, fortunately and improbably, in "when we were kings". so, see you there, maybe..

The fact that the Cosmo changed all of it's rules is pretty good evidence that for the right player and bankroll, it's a bit dicey for the casino, no pun intended.. Originally Posted by pxmcc

I never made it to the Cosmo and outside of a couple of things (limit on odds, 1-1 6-6 pay triple instead of double in field, allowing hop bets) what rules changes did they make? I thought that 99% of the rules in craps are the same in one place as another.


I also loved crapless craps. One day in Gulfport a 'field' roller held the dice for about 45 minutes and I ran out of space for green checks, I had to load them in my ball cap. Then again, one trip to Vegas was so bad I couldn't even place a 6 or 8 and win.

I never made it to the Cosmo and outside of a couple of things (limit on odds, 1-1 6-6 pay triple instead of double in field, allowing hop bets) what rules changes did they make? I thought that 99% of the rules in craps are the same in one place as another.


I also loved crapless craps. One day in Gulfport a 'field' roller held the dice for about 45 minutes and I ran out of space for green checks, I had to load them in my ball cap. Then again, one trip to Vegas was so bad I couldn't even place a 6 or 8 and win. Originally Posted by DEAR_JOHN

they set a 5$ min on the hop and 500 max, versus before it was 1$ min and 3k max to hop the 7s.

yup, sometimes the dice gods are with you, and sometimes they want to sink your ass lol. i'm big on the idea of table management, meaning when things go south at a particular table-for me that's choppy because i love the dc on bad shooters, and for others it's lots of quick 7s-you gtfot asap.

whenever i see anyone take out a marker, i always bet opposite to that individual lol.