Sugar Babies, Trophy Wives & the Men that Love them

Hi Forum! New girl here. I love writing so treat me nice, forgive my typos and I'll offer what I can.

Today a friend of mine asked me how I get men (in my real life) to financially support me, as if I had some secret method of gold digging (a practice I find distasteful). My traditional father raised me to believe it was part of a man's social, and even religious, duty to financially take care of his woman and family. Today in an time where going dutch is common and woman often makes more than their partners, this view may seem antiquated but I find it persists. The men I am attracted to are more characteristic of the old style of man (alpha-type, self-reliant, and masculine bordering on macho) and despite modern convention, they take pride in supporting their significant other.

For you men, do you get pleasure out of financially supporting your wife/girlfriend? Or do you subscribe to the modern way of thinking, that men and women should be equal partners in all aspects of life? Also, if you are financially supporting a woman, do you expect something more or different from her than if she was contributing as well?

Dear Layla,

Welcome to our little corner of eccie. We're glad you stopped by. I have always loved the name "Layla" for a variety of reasons, so you're already a step ahead with me.

As to SBs I've been seeing a couple recently. Fun times but not the electricity I have experienced last year with two specific SBs.

It is not a financial but intelligence, respect and attitude that I appreciate in those I spend time whether professionals or SBs.

For you men, do you get pleasure out of financially supporting your wife/girlfriend? Not really.

Or do you subscribe to the modern way of thinking, that men and women should be equal partners in all aspects of life? Yes and NO.

Also, if you are financially supporting a woman, do you expect something more or different from her than if she was contributing as well? I expect more.

I've been burned by a lying X-wife.

You don't want me to answer about her.

As far as SB, or providers.......they have been AWESOME! I have fond fond memories of everyone of them.

Special women. I salute every one of them.

It is not a financial but intelligence, Originally Posted by SR Only

the more naked they get, the more intelligent you say they are....

I think providers are at least honest, and it depends on the circumstances of the relationship if a financial consideration is accurate or not. If i have a 100% legitimate relationship it might be a bit off to ask for financial consideration, but if i have a relationship that somehow makes me a second class citizenship (mistress of a married man who has to shape relationship demands according to needs to other people) it would be hurting self esteem to not find any compensation but still not having better treatment than some escort (for example someone being there for you if you need it)

but if i have a relationship that somehow makes me a second class citizenship Originally Posted by ninasastri

feeling second class is a state of mind....nobody can make you feel that way except you....to say being a mistress is being second class is just you internalizing hetero-normative culture....you buy into it otherwise you wouldn't feel second class as a mistress.....

I don’t view mistresses as second-class citizens, but they don’t have full signing rights of a wife do they? At least the first wife: the wife that predates all future / current wealth. There are differences. One’s wife will always take president on holidays and in a period of financial hardship. A mistress will never be invited to your children’s triumphs, share in your personal and career’s accolades. There are many differences. I think a mistress would be more expendable in the case of a catastrophic accident or illness than his wife. A man may love his mistress as much or even more than his wife. He probably desires her and her company more than his wife, but in the end, when push comes to shove he’ll choose his wife. We are just acculturated, and rightly so, to protect the family above all else.

I wonder what percentage of women who date married men think he will leave his wife for her.....the percentage should be 0%, but I'm sure it is higher.....if someone dates a married man and is unhappy about being 2nd, it's her own fault she is 2nd because nobody forced her into the relationship.....what part of MARRIED doesn't she get?....seems that you should know what you're getting when you date a married man and shouldn't enter the relationship if you can't be happy with what you get......and ladies, though men realize we often have to make ourselves financially useful to stick around, there actually are many women out there who are just happy to be with us without financial demands. We always find that a better situation for us......

I think any woman dating or is in a relationship with a married man should understand that it is an arrangement. His marriage may be an arrangement too, but it's his marriage not a passing fancy. I know some marriages where men had mistresses that split up, but the marriage didn't split up because of the affair unless of course the wife initiated the divorce. For the most part, established men don't leave their wives even if he is fundamentally unhappy unless he has somewhere to go. In comes the mistress, and quite possibly the next future ex-wife. But she'll never have the full signing rights of his first wife.

Yes, men are wonderful creatures with our without money. I've never married for money, but I did reject a very wealthy man in favor of a man with a good job but no real wealth because he would be a better father to my daughter. The wealthy man felt I spoiled my child too much and that she and any future children should be sent to boarding school and in general raised by nannies. Absolutely not an option for me. So I chose the other guy, and we managed to make quite a bit of our own money - Took a while though. Both were men I could love, but family is more important to me than money.

To anyone I date I specify that I love my wife (true), and I am not leaving her (also true). There is (or should not be) any abiguity to anyone I meet. Less pain for them and me. A few ladies have decided to pass on meeting me at some point. I do not wan't anyone thinking other wise. It keeps things honest and up front.

Yes, I am a true alpha male--although a very sweet and gentle one, as opposed to arrogant and aggressive. On some level two million years of human evolution has wired us so that men compete for access to sex, while women compete for access to security. It is not as simple as this of course because as human beings we are one of the most plastic species on the planet allowing us to adapt to a wide range of social relationships and patterns. This plasticity is also hard wired into our brains. Having said that, it's been my experience that women who can surrender to this more primal aspect of their psychology also seem to have access to their more feminine aspects as well. I like this because I like being with a women who feels free to feel like a women, because I very much like being in touch with my own masculine qualities.

So I wouldn't say I expect more in this scenario only that I expect it to effect the character of the relationship-- presumably into something I am more comfortable with.

THE GOOD
Don't you guys that have sugar babies feel good about helping them? With the help of a generous older boyfriend I was able to travel to almost ten different countries. And then the intellectual/mentor relationship was invaluable in my growth as a young woman. People on the outside see the "sugar daddy" as taking advantage of the young girl or the young girl as a leech but often the relationship is a beautiful example of giving, taking and sharing.

THE BAD
Conversely, another man who supported me financially, and insisted on it, often would bring up the fact that he owned my apartment during arguments. I think he felt because he paid my bills, he owned me. As you can imagine that relationship didn't last very long.

@Roshibear: I very much agree with you. The dynamic between men and women is very primitive and instinctual. Though I find the "Mystery Method" guy highly irritating, he has some interesting things to say on the subject.

THE GOOD
Don't you guys that have sugar babies feel good about helping them? With the help of a generous older boyfriend I was able to travel to almost ten different countries. And then the intellectual/mentor relationship was invaluable in my growth as a young woman. People on the outside see the "sugar daddy" as taking advantage of the young girl or the young girl as a leech but often the relationship is a beautiful example of giving, taking and sharing.

THE BAD
Conversely, another man who supported me financially, and insisted on it, often would bring up the fact that he owned my apartment during arguments. I think he felt because he paid my bills, he owned me. As you can imagine that relationship didn't last very long. Originally Posted by !!Layla Angelique!!

I agree with both your PoV. I really like helping out my friends. But others have noted about being beholden to the SD. It is either being available at a moments notice or where he holds his "ownership" over you. No fun.

Yes, I am a true alpha male--although a very sweet and gentle one, as opposed to arrogant and aggressive. On some level two million years of human evolution has wired us so that men compete for access to sex, while women compete for access to security. It is not as simple as this of course because as human beings we are one of the most plastic species on the planet allowing us to adapt to a wide range of social relationships and patterns. This plasticity is also hard wired into our brains. Having said that, it's been my experience that women who can surrender to this more primal aspect of their psychology also seem to have access to their more feminine aspects as well. I like this because I like being with a women who feels free to feel like a women, because I very much like being in touch with my own masculine qualities.

So I wouldn't say I expect more in this scenario only that I expect it to effect the character of the relationship-- presumably into something I am more comfortable with. Originally Posted by Roshibear

I completely agree with you, Mr. Roshibear.

The true Alpha male alone has the capability of bringing this primal/basic behavior out in a woman. Being a true Alpha female I understand that we are designed to compliment each other's natures. We have to understand that every man that has the wherewithal to call himself a SugarDaddy is not Alpha. Some are simply 'wannabe's' seeking control of a woman since he doesn't naturally have that skill. That's when you get situations like Ms. Layla described. Since his money didn't garner the respect he needed, he had to constantly remind her that he is the provider, and where she is she wouldn't be without him. I applaud her for getting rid of such a weak man.

@Layla: As far as a man's desire/motive to help a sugarbaby, this will differ with each man. Some are out to prove to themselves how far their money can get them. They seek out women that are weak-minded, and easily swayed. For others, it's a genuine exchange or reward of sorts, much like this arena, for availability. For women, having an open-minded view of relationships, fidelity, and love helps with making the endeavor less about what he gets out of the deal and more about how it works for you. When a woman's mind is not right, that's when she starts envying the wife, and crossing hard lines. When she figures out the secret, she cares less about being the wife, and accepts the love she gets within the limitations of the relationship.

But expectations should be clear for both parties. If the relationship doesn't work, don't force it. It's also very important to know who you are, and be realistic about what you need, and if it can be provided.