star wars sex positions?????

In keeping with the tradition of spoofing Star Wars, and in honor of IGN’s massive rollout of the Top 100 Star Wars Characters, we present to you our Star Wars sex positions, for the fan base that doesn’t have sex. An exercise in futility? You tell us. Oh, and may the force be with you.

1- Jabba the Butt

We totally get that naming a Star Wars sex position after this slimy super-slug may not be the brightest idea, but he was one of the most lustful characters in Star Wars history -- plus we at AskMen just can’t resist a good pun. Warning: Try not to envision Jabba the Hutt while performing this move.

First, it’s your job to sit up horizontally and extend your legs to the foot of the bed while your lady turns around and straddles you. Once she lowers herself onto your erect penis and extends her legs back so they are almost behind you, she can slide up and down, giving you an incredible view of her butt. For added effect, make her wear a gold bikini during foreplay.

2- Hand Solo

Contrary to what you might be thinking, this Star Wars sex position doesn’t involve you pleasuring yourself manually (that would be an action, not a position). Han Solo was one the galaxy’s most renowned playboys before settling down with Leia. He most certainly never had to flog the dolphin (he probably got a Twi'lek slave girl to do it for him), so why should you? Instead, have your lady give you a five-finger orgasm by cupping your balls with one hand and sliding her other hand up and down your lightsaber in a corkscrew motion. Just make sure she uses lubricant (or saliva).

3- The Force

In the Star Wars universe, The Force is a metaphysical energy field created by all living beings. It has the power to enhance natural physical and mental abilities, and it can manifest itself through telekinesis, telepathy, hypnosis, enhanced empathy, and precognition. Throw it all out the window. This position is all about making love with, you guessed it, force (get it?). Believe it or not, rough sex is a female sex fantasy. Rest her on her back, place her legs on your shoulders and use all your force to just pound away. Even the lesser-endowed will have her floating in midair. This is how Yoda gets it on too -- trust us.