You may be a Muslim if...
1. If you grow and refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor,
You may be a Muslim.
2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes,
You may be a Muslim.
3. If you have more wives than teeth, You may be a Muslim.
4. If you wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon to be unclean,
You may be a Muslim.
5. If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim.
6. If you can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared jihad against,
You may be a Muslim.
7. If you consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing,
You may be a Muslim.
8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs,
You may be a Muslim.
9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four,
You may be a Muslim.
10. If you hate bacon, bikinis, barbecue, beer, and Christians, but claim you want to move to the USA anyway, you may be a Muslim.
11. If you considered goats to be food and recreation, you may be a Muslim.
12. If you can say religion of peace with a straight face while wearing a suicide vest, you may be a Muslim.