He's Saying "I love you"...

I had been seeing a gentleman on a somewhat consistent basis for the past month now. He is significantly older and married, but his marriage is on the rocks and he feels neglected and lonely. Since he is retired, he has quite a bit of time on his hands, so he likes to spend a lot of time with me, which I did not mind until recently.

He began to do what some men do in the hobby: make empty promises about buying me an apartment, taking me on trips wherever I want to go, etc, but he said we would have to wait to do this until January when his cash flow will be bigger. I would simply smile and mutter, "Maybe...we'll see how things turn out, hun" to be polite, knowing it was bullshit but didn't want to be rude, nor did I want to make false promises in case he was serious.

The main topic of discussion quickly became "If we lived together..." and he told me what his rules would be, which consisted of: a) being able to come and go as he pleases b) me doing the nasty with him whenever he wanted it.

I still kept my "We'll see..." answer while also reminding him that was something that would happen way in the future if it were to ever happen, so we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves here, especially since we haven't known each other for more than a month!

Well, within a week, he begins to tell me he loves me. I had no idea what to say. At first I kind of chuckled and tried to make a light-hearted joke out of the fact that he doesn't really know me, but he shot the joke down with a serious remark, "You may not believe me, but I do."

I am beginning to wonder whether or not this guy understands GFE literally means Girlfriend EXPERIENCE, not girlfriend FOR ETERNITY. I am also wondering if this could turn into a serious, more dangerous matter when he begins to fully understand his feelings are not returned.

I never tell him I love him too and when he talks about seeing me, I make sure to keep the conversation hobby-related, always asking him how much time he would like to spend with me and kindly reminding me of my donation requests for the allotted time.

Should I cut this one loose? Is he too attached? And if so, how do I do so without being a complete bitch?

Be sure to strip him of any excess money, dignity, and post taint photos prior to running away.

Geeez, if I had a nickel for every hooker that made empty promises to me and told me she loved me after a couple of weeks I'd have.....well, nothing but, maybe that's a bad example....

Everybody you meet in this biz has issues - luckily you found out this guy's issue fairly soon - he's clingy. Good luck letting him down easily and, as I understand it, filing for a Restraining Order is a relatively easy process.

Try to be less hot and irresistible in the future!!

Slim,
From what you've described it does not sound like he is trying to be a sugar daddy....therefore....

He is likely going through a tough time at home both emotionally and sexually and is smitten with the attention you have given him. You can take that as a compliment that you have done well to connect with him in both ways. My guess is that he has not seen any other ladies or maybe one or two that provided a very poor experience. Then you came along and he was satisfied.

Tell him you are not in this for love and encourage (push, cajole, force) him to see other, reputable providers so he can understand that the IOP is just that...an illusion...but that he can gain his composure through satisfying his sexual urges with you and the other ladies. You will need to insist he see other ladies too. Maybe allow him up to 6 months at most to come to his senses after getting acquainted with the lovely ECCIE ladies and then if he still tries to remain clingy cut him loose.

Don't lead him on just for the money and the gifts. Tell him the truth and if he can't handle that, then move on.

You are his companion (that word has a temporary connotation), not his girlfriend, and not his babysitter. Your investment in this exchange begins and ends with the exact amount of time he has paid for. period.

Part of your job description is to set boundaries, and it is his role and proper place to respect them. I know his words and mannerisms create awkward moments for you, but to tell him things like "we'll see" and respond positively when he talks about moving in together is VERY misleading. I would rethink those responses if I were you.

I can only tell you how I would handle this situation. I'd invite him to coffee in a public place, I would never have this type of conversation in private as many men in this condition can get emotionally manipulative or even violent. I'd pay for it (very important!). I'd tell him that I feel uncomfortable with some recent discussions and just wanted to reset some boundaries and make sure we have an understanding based on reality. I would re-iterate the things he said and provide the responses that should have been said in the first place (reminding him that this is temporary, fantasy, etc) and apologize for not being clearer. I would suggest that he see other ladies and even make some suggestions. Then, I'd cut off all further communications completely, or he will just continue the delusion, and the drama will certainly escalate

That's my two cents, love
Wish you the best in this

He should know better, but...

He began to do what some men do in the hobby: make empty promises about buying me an apartment, taking me on trips wherever I want to go, etc, but he said we would have to wait to do this until January when his cash flow will be bigger. I would simply smile and mutter, "Maybe...we'll see how things turn out, hun" to be polite, knowing it was bullshit but didn't want to be rude, nor did I want to make false promises in case he was serious. Originally Posted by Slim.

If you are not interested in him getting you an apartment, say so. You can try not to be rude, but your message needs to be crystal clear; "we'll see" is not. If you are interested, you two need to talk about the ground rules.

The main topic of discussion quickly became "If we lived together..." and he told me what his rules would be...

I still kept my "We'll see..." answer while also reminding him that was something that would happen way in the future if it were to ever happen, so we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves here, especially since we haven't known each other for more than a month! Originally Posted by Slim.

Again, you'll need to ditch "we'll see." If it's not going to happen, ever, let him know. If it's a possibility, he'll need to know what "in the future" means. For him, it means tomorrow. For him, "far in the future" means next week. Be specific: months, years, decades, whatever.

Again, this is his problem, and he should know better. You're stuck with finding a solution. Good luck.

CS25 and HotCougarMilk have the best advice IMO.

A man in his position should be pitied, not shunned. Indeed out entire society has become apathetic to the plights of others. We're so worried about that one in a hundred-thousand chance of a stranger being nefarious and a sociopath that we'll throw anyone under the bus (100% chance to ruin their day) to mitigate a ridiculously remote possibility that would effect us.

Is there a tiny speck of a chance that he's dangerous: of course, but it's far more likely he's just a lonely man that doesn't get what this hobby is really about or otherwise has lost his way.

IMO, your best course of action (and the only decent one) is to talk with him and tell him that he is too invested and that you are not interested in him like that. More than likely, he won't see you again because he'll be embarrassed, and the problem is solved. If he doesn't just make sure he stays at an arm's length. If he continues to insist that you should be together, THEN (and only then) is it time to cut ties, which protects both of your (him from his own emotions; and you from an emotional man that's just been told no).

Thanks everyone, you all had somd really great advoce. I really like the idea of getting coffee amd resetting boundaries. I think it is also important for me to admit my faults in not being more clear about what I was comfortable with and saying "we'll see" instead of "no" when the idea of living together came up.

I do feel empathetic toward his situation and did not want to just write him off as crazy but rather a lonely man who wants to be loved. Maybe I should help him set up a ptofile on a dating site instead...seems like this business is not for him!

...we'll see how things turn out, hun" Originally Posted by Slim.

You must be something superfine if he still loved you after you called him THAT.

Always keep boundaries clear. As you should know, a lot of people get caught in the fantasy and can't deliver in the real world. There is a lot of cooking and cleaning, mowing grass, making money and making the bed for that matter that go into a relationship. If he or you is not up for that it is not going to work.

Slim...good luck. You hit the nail on the head when you stated he is a lonely man who wants to be loved. You will need to play it by ear but I would not go too far outta your way to help him register on eHarmony or other sites...remember that he is still married. That decision would need to be his. You can suggest it but he needs to take the steps to make it happen.

You being involved in setting him up on a dating site might also cause him to think you are still considering his offer although slowly and interpret your time as time you want to spend with him.

You do sound like a concerned and caring person (which explains why he likes you) so kudos to you for that...just tread carefully.

All great advice, anyway whatever you do to finish this situation be prepare for some drama, stalking, manipulative games. His need for love will become his need to destroy you and your reputation.
Sorry for me being such a downer, that happened to me more than once.
Good luck.

You must be something superfine if he still loved you after you called him THAT. Originally Posted by inspector farquar

LOL!!