hey everyone,
I have never really done an LTR.... But I am wonderinng what specifics would make one work and how do you find the perfect one. I have had a few offers lately.
Hugs
Michelle
- Guest072815
- 07-02-2010, 04:09 PM
- Guest061514-1
- 07-02-2010, 05:58 PM
LTR as in a sd/sb? Or a relationship with someone outside of this world? LOL
- Guest072815
- 07-02-2010, 06:49 PM
- Sydneyb
- 07-02-2010, 07:28 PM
manage expectations. yours and his.
are you 'allowed' (or want) to date outside the relationship, how much of your time is wanted, how and how often will you be paid - this is more important than the obvious part because there is a power structure with being paid by your lover; there is also a cost to getting out of the business in order to be exclusive; and those dynamics are amazingly difficult to discuss and/or manage. If a frank talk about your financial and emotional security isn't part of the gentlemans discussion, they its time to end the conversation (see situation 1 and 2 below). It won't get easier later. The time to discuss all of the ugly parts is when both parties are hot to trot on the idea.
I've had several of these situations; The first I was overwhelmed and flattered and he couldn't afford what I needed and neither of us could talk about the details, which made it a big old mess. The second, I loved dearly. Probably because of the dynamics of the relationship (him paying me not to work), while he had more money than anyone I've ever met before, I think it was injurous to his ego (although he did pay me very generously, it was begrudging and last minute every month) as a result, I always felt like I was dancing for my supper at the first of the month. Awful feeling. And now. God damn I'm a spoiled woman. On the other hand, I do well by him too. I try to make him happy most days and I have a healthy effect on him - literally his blood pressure went down 30 points (diastolic) the day we got back together last year. So, he makes me happy and I make him happy. And isn't that what this is all supposed to be about?
Bottom line: This kind of arrangement only works if you both have integrity and keep your commitments. And anything that takes you from making your money, requires commitment.
As an aside: I always question the motives of a man who is okay with you working whily you're his girlfriend - it goes against human nature - he's either VERY evolved or a jerk. I usually put my money is on the latter. Good luck.
are you 'allowed' (or want) to date outside the relationship, how much of your time is wanted, how and how often will you be paid - this is more important than the obvious part because there is a power structure with being paid by your lover; there is also a cost to getting out of the business in order to be exclusive; and those dynamics are amazingly difficult to discuss and/or manage. If a frank talk about your financial and emotional security isn't part of the gentlemans discussion, they its time to end the conversation (see situation 1 and 2 below). It won't get easier later. The time to discuss all of the ugly parts is when both parties are hot to trot on the idea.
I've had several of these situations; The first I was overwhelmed and flattered and he couldn't afford what I needed and neither of us could talk about the details, which made it a big old mess. The second, I loved dearly. Probably because of the dynamics of the relationship (him paying me not to work), while he had more money than anyone I've ever met before, I think it was injurous to his ego (although he did pay me very generously, it was begrudging and last minute every month) as a result, I always felt like I was dancing for my supper at the first of the month. Awful feeling. And now. God damn I'm a spoiled woman. On the other hand, I do well by him too. I try to make him happy most days and I have a healthy effect on him - literally his blood pressure went down 30 points (diastolic) the day we got back together last year. So, he makes me happy and I make him happy. And isn't that what this is all supposed to be about?
Bottom line: This kind of arrangement only works if you both have integrity and keep your commitments. And anything that takes you from making your money, requires commitment.
As an aside: I always question the motives of a man who is okay with you working whily you're his girlfriend - it goes against human nature - he's either VERY evolved or a jerk. I usually put my money is on the latter. Good luck.
- CivilBarrister
- 07-02-2010, 07:51 PM
LTRs can't be "defined" - they develop - with constant honest and open communication. That kind of communication is extremely RARE in any context and even moreso in the hobby.
It is hard to imagine the kind of guy who can deal with his gf in the hobby - IF he is really involved with his gf.
OTOH, if you are talking about a LTR without the "L" word, then its just a business arrangement, the honesty is much easier and each party simply states what they are willing to give and what they need in return; negotiation; and finally a '"Deal" is struck.
and Sydney is a very very wise woman with great advice.
It is hard to imagine the kind of guy who can deal with his gf in the hobby - IF he is really involved with his gf.
OTOH, if you are talking about a LTR without the "L" word, then its just a business arrangement, the honesty is much easier and each party simply states what they are willing to give and what they need in return; negotiation; and finally a '"Deal" is struck.
and Sydney is a very very wise woman with great advice.
- Mojojo
- 07-02-2010, 08:02 PM
LTRs can't be "defined" - they develop - with constant honest and open communication. Originally Posted by CivilBarrister
Applies to in and out the hobby. The L word can carry a huge amount of power, it can make you feel good, but can also make you feel like shit if the other person doesn't mean it.
If its in the hobby you have deal with reality and acceptance. No man will tell you to quit the choice should be yours, likewise you should not tell the hobbiest to stop, the choice should be his. All in all trust, honesty, and communication are the key IMO.
- Maestro
- 07-02-2010, 09:33 PM
LTR -- some of my best and favorites lasted only a couple of hours!
- CivilBarrister
- 07-02-2010, 09:36 PM
- pyramider
- 07-02-2010, 09:41 PM
Oh long term relationship . . . I was thincking let's tie the rope. Either way bondage is bondage.
- notanewbie
- 07-02-2010, 09:45 PM
- Guest072815
- 07-03-2010, 04:07 PM
Well the arrangement will be part time as the guys who offered knows I have a family. everything will be fully disscussed. they are married as well so there would be no overnight expectations. I am just not sure how to do the negotiation part.... what is normal for a month? things like that is what i am unsure of. Is there a difference between a Sugar daddy and an LTR?
- Guest061514-1
- 07-03-2010, 05:10 PM
I wouldn't consider a LTR a sugar daddy... To me LTR is a normal relationship. What you are describing, since they are married and what not, is a sugar daddy that you plan to be with for a long time...
Within any SD/SB relationship you need to say exactly what your expectations are and he needs to tell you the same. BE HONEST! Bc if both of you arent happy then it wont be a LTR at all... more like a short time romance lol
Within any SD/SB relationship you need to say exactly what your expectations are and he needs to tell you the same. BE HONEST! Bc if both of you arent happy then it wont be a LTR at all... more like a short time romance lol
- ThatManFromTexas
- 07-03-2010, 05:48 PM
I heard this story before ... then Clara and the Prince arrived at the Kingdom of Sweets, ruled by the Sugar Plum Fairy.... now I know why they called it "The Nutcracker"... 
- CivilBarrister
- 07-03-2010, 07:31 PM
Since he is married, IMHO, its not really a LTR, but SD/SB transaction.
HE probably wants to be able to see you more often for a deep discount over a per-session rate.
YOU probably want a steady-guaranteed monthly income.
HE needs to tell you how many times a week he wants to see you and for how long (+ or - a little) and what he is willing to tender for that arrangement and whether it will be the same days/times each week, or if that will vary from week to week.
YOU need to decide if that amount of $$ as a guarantee is worth the amount of time he wants.
Fixed days/times is much easier for you to schedule and plan around - therefore should be less $; correspondingly if YOU have to be very flexible for HIS schedule, that should be MORE $.
Random times puts a real hardship on YOU ---so how much NOTICE does he have to give you.
If the discount is not SUBSTANTIAL, then he has no reason for giving you monthly money - he should just pay you a reduced rate for being a REGULAR.
And I can tell you if he is giving you a fixed $$ EACH MONTH - the 1st time YOU aren't available when he wants you will be STRIKE-ONE.....and in this game you typically only get 2 STRIKES before YOU ARE OUT.
.....just like if HE doesn't give you the $$ YOU expect, I doubt you will be seeing him much either!
Good luck Clara.
HE probably wants to be able to see you more often for a deep discount over a per-session rate.
YOU probably want a steady-guaranteed monthly income.
HE needs to tell you how many times a week he wants to see you and for how long (+ or - a little) and what he is willing to tender for that arrangement and whether it will be the same days/times each week, or if that will vary from week to week.
YOU need to decide if that amount of $$ as a guarantee is worth the amount of time he wants.
Fixed days/times is much easier for you to schedule and plan around - therefore should be less $; correspondingly if YOU have to be very flexible for HIS schedule, that should be MORE $.
Random times puts a real hardship on YOU ---so how much NOTICE does he have to give you.
If the discount is not SUBSTANTIAL, then he has no reason for giving you monthly money - he should just pay you a reduced rate for being a REGULAR.
And I can tell you if he is giving you a fixed $$ EACH MONTH - the 1st time YOU aren't available when he wants you will be STRIKE-ONE.....and in this game you typically only get 2 STRIKES before YOU ARE OUT.
.....just like if HE doesn't give you the $$ YOU expect, I doubt you will be seeing him much either!
Good luck Clara.
- srvfin
- 07-04-2010, 01:33 AM
Sweets..... What CB said is right on target....
But..... If you want a real LTR with not too many strings, shoot me a PM. I am single, youngsters gone for the summer and have about 6 more weeks of free time to fully give to the right woman.....
But..... If you want a real LTR with not too many strings, shoot me a PM. I am single, youngsters gone for the summer and have about 6 more weeks of free time to fully give to the right woman.....