Limerick Contest!

Ok, folks. One of the things that I really enjoyed about ASPD was the limericks. Lots of interesting information came out about the hobby. Besides, I'm just egotistical enough to want to fire off a thread that might go viral, or at least semi-viral.

Besides, all of the old limericks on ASPD are lost now, Some of them were very artistic, and in a way, it's like the burning of the libraries of Alexandria.

So if you have a limerick, or want to post someone else's limerick, please do so here. Old limericks from the ASPD days are also welcome. If it's not your own limerick, just say so.

To keep this thread from being moved to another venue, please try to keep them hobby-related, informative, and entertaining.

Here's my best approximation of one that I posted on ASPD. I think the original was better, but I don't have access to it anymore:

There once was a man, an Atlantan
Whose wife found he can't keep his pants on
They found his renains
In Bangalore, Main
And part of his scrotum in Scranton

Okay, here's a more recent one. They don't have to be brilliant, as this one can attest to:

Had a date once with Sarah Smiles
Who's a champ, with her feminine wiles
Her in-call was roomy
And what she did to me
What the fuck else rhymes with Smiles?

There once was a guy named ozmosys
Thought limericks and hobby symbiosis
Thread missed the nail
Cause it was bound to fail
Rhymes with Smiles , uh X Files ?

Just fucking with you oz , I'll try and think of something !

There once was a chick named Maxeen
Threw a party this one Halloween
Laney got lost
Others got tossed
And nobody dressed like a Queen?!

my best effort...

There once was a young man from Kent
Who was so exceedingly bent.
To save himself trouble
He stuck it in double
And instead of coming he went.

There once was a jungle called Eccie
Participating in Coed can get messy
Some choose not to do it , and duck it
Guess I'll have to do it , nah fuck it
I think it's a sorry situation
Damn I think I need another vacation.......


Don't get any ideas MODS , it's a joke !

SL'S SASQUATCH LIMERICKS

I fuck them all, big, small and tall I just don’t care
But I never fucked a Sasquatch they are covered in hair
They stink and they smell, they grunt and they groan
There is one here at ECCIE
Someone shaved her bare

Sasquatches are the ugliest creatures they look like hell
One even a provider here who has a very foul smell
Sad to thinck the guys who fucked her hadn't a clue
Truth is you fucked a Sasquatch
Instead of ringing their own bell

In spite of the warning signs a Sasquatch they did fuck
At the motel, at their home, in the alley some in a truck
Some guys stop at nothing to say they did it once
But why fuck a Sasquatch
I thinck I’d save the buck

A bucket list you might have but I would thinck it over before you go
Take a close look, thinck it over while drinck some Joe
The desire to do the unthinckable might weight heavy on your heart
But stay away from Sasquatches
No matter how much you need a blow

Beam me up Scotty. All the interesting ones are trying to hump my leg ...

There once was a man from Bel Air
Who was doing his wife on the stair
But the banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air

(not mine)

There once was a girl in Nantucket
Who's mission in life was to "suck it"
Her skills were the best
Nice sloppy and wet.
When with her you might need a bucket.
Or a towel...whatever works for you.

OK if we're doing the Nantucket shit !

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a smile , and laughed all the while / or the alternate
He said with a grin , while wiping his chin
If my ear was a cunt I'd fuck it


Of course I thought we were doing originals .
Got a ton of homophobic and racial ones , but I don't repeat those .

Partly stolen:

There was a provider named Cass
Whose titties were made of spun glass
She'd clang them together
And play stormy weather
While lightning shot out of her ass

And all she had to do was write a limerick. Let's hear a round of applause for the ladies ... and also one for Jerry Lewis! Who knew, whatever that means ...

A shapely provider named Shore
Would allow horny sailors to score
But when it came to Marines
She'd say no with a scream
She was rotten, they said, to the Corps