Mind Games

Do you find that when dealing with people these days, that there are inevitable mind games required in the interchange?

Of course, nothing is overt, but it's there lurking in veiled in voice tones, hidden body language, read in eye contact and felt in feelings.

It seems to me that people used to be more direct.

As I remember it, if you wanted this, you said so. If you did not then you said no and it was understood.

. . . Nowadays, it seems that people dance around what they want and you need to dance around with them in order to find out what is going on.

I agree and consider it part of the pussification of America. We were once a manly nation where direct and frank language ruled the day. When didn't give a shit if we offended someone or hurt their fucking precious feelings. Nowadays, every conversation seems to be a nuanced negotiation with the goal of getting what one wants without hurting the other person's feelings. I blame this on all the quack head shrinks like Dr. Phil running around ruining people's lives. Perfect example of my POV-- the R Lee Ermy commercial where he plays a head-shrink.

Yes, and emphatically so. I don't do well with mind games, so I act just as dense as the people who try to handle me. I think it's partially because no one wants to be called a beggar, or wants you to know that you're really being 'handled'.

I recently went to visit someone, and I was offered a seat. On the coffee table in front of me were disconnect and eviction notices. Had it been me, I would have immediately hid those, especially seeing as my company is NOT family. But being the person I am, I immediately asked how I could help. Instead of being modest about the situation, she immediately unloaded on me. I'm talking like, you would think that we were f-ckin'. She's a good person, but I don't know her like that. I gave her an amount that I felt comfortable with giving without worrying about whether I'd get it back. She kept saying that she would pay me back, but I won't expect it.

What I've learned about dealing with people is either you can or you can't. Everybody wants something. Hell, YOU want something. It could be something as simple as a friend. But either you're willing to be what they need, or you're not. The problem with dealing with people at any point is inequality. It's very rare that people reciprocate the kindness they've been shown. I will continue to be as sweet to people as I would want people to be with me.

It's all I can do.

I have not fully determined the reason for these mind games that people are determined to play, but I know that life was much more simple and direct when we were children.

As far as "the pussification" of America, I'm not sure that is the root cause either. I think it may have more to do with the increasing complexity of life, but people make life more complicated when they hide their motives and expect you to hide yours.

People living unpaid bills in front of you to see though seems like a pretty direct cry for help, but I doubt your kindness will be repaid.

Children are much more direct and seem to be happier for it, but as a person gets integrated into society, there are all these rules of conduct and codes that no really explains much less examine.

In order to communicate with people today, you have to examine what else is behind their words, read between the lines, factor in what was not said, gauge their tone of voice, consider their sincerity and a host of other variables.

. . . What used to be a fun and simple act of communicating is now becoming a consuming mental chore!

I'll answer after I figure out what your question really is or I figure out the message hidden within the question.

I think it is more common, though not inevitable. There are still some folks who don't play that game.

I do think the demise of the "I don't care what anyone else says, I'll be a loud mouth and say whatever I want" has inadvertantly contributed to it.

In the totally non-PC speach world you had the "cowboy" Type-As and the Type-Bs. When I person could throw our racial slurs with no consequence, refer to women a "piece of ass" at a dinner party just because they felt like it, and call anyone who disagreed with them a string of insults you had a lot of the Type B folks feel unwilling to join the conversation at all.

Since we as a society have decided that is not the best approach to useful communication the Type-Bs have come part way out of their shells but still don't feel as comfortable speaking out directly.

As with many changes, part good, part not.

I agree with old T. For me sometimes I find myself unsure. Sometimes I can't make up my mind, I may say yes then no five minutes later. It might look like I'm playing mind games but in reality I'm just an idiot.

Let me finish laughing uproariously at your post before I respond.

. . . Sounds to me that perhaps you just can't decide whether or not to equivocate!

I agree with old T. For me sometimes I find myself unsure. Sometimes I can't make up my mind, I may say yes then no five minutes later. It might look like I'm playing mind games but in reality I'm just an idiot. Originally Posted by B.Wayne

You can say that again.

Once you're in it, there seems no way out of the foolish mind games that people play.

. . . You just have to get better at it and treat it like the game it is.

FG, are you by any chance "intimating" that people play mind games here?

Oh I just have to post this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PojXf-spKKM
I watched a video of a doctor trying to promote a new product, and it was laughable because his eyes said I am a liar, and when he talked he shook his head no when he sould have been nodding yes. I love to watch body language. Everything today is politically correct, and it sucks.

Yes, exactly!

However, not just on this board, but in life in general.

. . . People all seem to talk in a certain code, but no one has a decoder ring!

FG, are you by any chance "intimating" that people play mind games here?
Originally Posted by Sarunga