Getting started...Resouces?

Hi everyone! I am moving into more of a Domme type role professionally and I admit to being a (very enthusiastic) newb.

I have a couple of experiences with some specific types of play (lots of spanking, more recently cock/ball torture) but I need to learn!

Elisabeth was kind enough to point me to Kink.com but I'd really also like to hear what you consider to be great places to find information.

One of my main questions has to do with humiliation. I have tended (pretty much by request) to be a little more sensual. I enjoy causing pain/pleasure and then being sweet but this seems antithetical to true humiliation. Am I a bad mistress if I'm nice while I tie you up?

I find being control is really what excites me, and seeing the excitement that I cause but I don't get off on the actual torture if that makes sense.

I don't know! I'm just throwing all of this stuff out there.

I wonder if there is another domme nearby who would let you watch her work? There was a domme I used to see who was joined by an apprentice a few times. For me, that just added to the delicious humiliation of the experience.

And speaking of humiliation, for me the peak of humiliation is when, before a session with a domme I haven't seen before, I'm just talking about what turns me on. If you listen carefully, ask probing questions, and make them confess everything before the session starts, your clients will feel quite humiliated, especially if you are a sweet girl.

See my Sig line, and happy to get you more info....

I love the control, but you make come to love the exquisite look of a satisfied sub after an intense session of pleasure and pain...

PPE

Welcome Lilianna! I didn't know you were going this direction, but you'll likely find a lot of pent-up demand. Humiliation is different for everyone, whether top or bottom. What will make one sub think, "Oh my God I feel so worthless don'tletitstopdon'tletitstopdo n'tletitstop!" will make another think, "Huh?". So pre-session communication is key. But you as the Domme will have your comfort zone as well, and it doesn't pay to get too far outside it. As far as enjoying the torture itself goes, everyone is wired differently. For me, it isn't so much applying the nipple clamps or shaving the cooled candle wax off her breasts with a knife so much as the idea that this person is entrusting me completely with her safety that gives me rush.

There are plenty of resources out there on the web that talk about this, but always temper the things you read with your own personal reality check.

Plus something that should remain foremost in your mind when you play is that d/s can be soooo much different than regular sexual play. Both tops and bottoms can sometimes lose themeselves in play. In normal instances that might not be a big deal... but when knots and bondage and gags and the many other things come into play you are looking at potential hurt/damage to someone.

This stuff can be really fun and enjoyable, but be careful and make sure you really take the time to learn not only the basics, but how to do it well AND safe. Besides, if you don't kill em the first time you play, you have a chance for a repeat customer!

There are lots of people around here on the board that can help you with things. Don't be afraid to ask.

Thanks to everyone! I have been reading and reading and reading and I'm definitely getting a feel for what I'm comfortable doing, at least for the time being. I'm a learn by doing sort of person though so I think the suggestion to follow a real domme for a bit is a great idea. I'm usually able to put myself into another's shoes but I have no sub in me apparently and so trying to figure out what I would like from the side is a little harder lol.

Some great info imparted to you here. Glad you are taking advantage of it.

Yes, following a Dom or Domme is a great idea, and I am sure they will have some clients that would be glad to have you sit in. I have done many of those and they usually work out grandly.

I will say, like you, I got no sub side, but I did have every one of the toys I used applied to me, so i truly know how it feels and can be used. There is no better way to understand how a pinwheel feels or wax stings like having it demonstrated on you.

I am sure the Dom or Domme you choose will be glad to do that. not as a sub, but as a person using a tool, need to know the uses and dangers inherent in it. And I found I do like nipple clamps, go figure....

Keep exploring, enjoy the show, and do ask for help when needed. We are all here for you.

PPE

There is a year long Dom mentors' program in Dallas, Houston & Austin which thoroughly covers the BDSM lifestyle & sets up monthly hands-on one on ones with experienced Dom's. They demonstrate their specialty (e.g., CBT, fire play, hard impact play, flogging, single tail, breath play, etc.) and teach techniques.

Also includes useful things you would not initially think of such as CPR/first aid certification, how to talk to law enforcement/911/first responders if you run into them in a BDSM capacity, Dungeon Monitor certification, scene dynamics, and setting up a toy bag.

Perhaps there is a similar program in KC.

Y'all know I am all about the apprenticeship.

CT, that program looks pretty cool - usually it's more of a loose association than an organized program so kudos to them for doing it.

Yes, get your CPR - better to get CPR+emergency first aid.

And I really like that they require Dungeon Monitor cert. As an escort, I get a lot of sub requests from 'highly experienced doms' - none of who have a DMc. Don't even know what it is. I would never sub to anyone (for pay) who doesn't at least have a DMc.

As a Domme, I advertise that I have my Dungeon Master Certification - and for 'real' experienced players - that means a lot. The DMc and the DMC are big in the community.

For those interested in getting a Dungeon Monitoring certificate they do have those classes from time to time in Dallas and San Antonio. I don't know when the next one is scheduled, but you could contact the Sanctuary here in Dallas to see if one is upcoming or not.

They aren't really good for anything but your own safety and knowledge - i.e. they carry no official weight. But if you are a player or like to offer your services as a DM then its good to have.

The Dallas Mentorship program just started its next annual class. It's for subs and doms (seperate tracks for each). If it's something you are truly interested in its definitely something that is worth checking out. But it is a year-long committement to make it all the way through the program, and it's not available for distance learning.

I recently reviewed Lilianna's domme-in-progress work on the Kansas forum...she has game! And yes her humiliation is more sensual and gently teasing...but as I type this my friends...I'm still smiling as I remember the evening. A classy young lass...who really works to understand what you want. I think the forums on Max Fisch are a wonderful resource by the by..

One should always be careful when playing with the psyche. If you aren't paying attention or you have no care for you sub, you can do some real damage, not to mention put yourself at risk to them lashing out at you if they have a bad reaction to what you are doing. Like everything else in the lifestyle you need to be in control, cognizant of what you are doing and pay attention to your bottom.

Breaking your toy is bad for business.