(my edited version of this article)
The TSA Hates Your Vibrator / How to safely fly with your sex toys
June 14, 2007|By Violet Blue, Special to SF Gates
Use common sense. Don't put sex toys in your carry-on baggage unless you absolutely have to. Remember that if they're confiscating toenail clippers and eyebrow tweezers, they're definitely not letting you bring the fuzzy handcuffs, tit clamps, leather flogger or unusually shaped vibrator on the plane. Don't put anything in your carry-on you aren't willing to part with if security decides it's potentially dangerous. Even if you believe their decision is uninformed, you won't be in any position to argue if you want to make your flight.
Bag your toys. Even if they're not liquid, you'll want to put each toy in a Ziploc bag (does the TSA have a Ziploc fetish or stock in the company?), even if you pack it in your checked luggage. If they single you out in the security line to have your bag pawed through and contents examined, you won't want those filthy gloves of theirs touching anything of yours destined for an intimate area -- not after they've been touching everyone else's shoes, child toys, hairbrushes, laptops and more. Ew. Don't forget to bag your checked butt plugs as well -- if your bag gets spot-checked and opened, another pair of dirty gloves will be all over your plugs, and that's just gross.
Their rules don't make sense, but they still apply. Yup, I'm talking about the 3-ounce liquid rule for lubes (just pack the lube, or toss a 1-ounce lube sample in your laptop bag). Interestingly, the TSA doesn't consider gel-filled bras to be dangerous liquids, and they are permitted, no matter how big your "lethal weapons" are. Even if the bottle of Liquid Silk is half full (or half empty), it still isn't permitted if the container size exceeds 3 ounces. Also, remember that the TSA makes inconsistent, on-the-spot decisions that could consider your key-chain clamps as dangerous as toenail clippers. And kinksters beware: Bringing that e-stim unit on the plane just isn't going to happen (your cattle prod must be checked). The fun and games will have to wait until you get your bags.
Remove the batteries from all battery-operated devices -- even if you think they're difficult to turn on. The new push-button pulsing vibes are especially easy to accidentally turn on, and tiny toys powered by watch batteries (like the Fukuoku) are easy to forget about. Even if a vibe doesn't buzz in your bag, if it accidentally starts, it can get hot enough after a while to cause problems. Also, if you bring your vibe in your carry-on, remember that security X-ray personnel might decide the mechanical parts look interesting enough on the X-ray screen that they need to take a closer look. You'll be very glad you bagged your toy when they pull your vibe out by the corner of its Ziploc and hold it up like a dead rat caught by its tail for all to see.
Pack your dicks with care. Dildos are less of a problem because they're generally made of silicone or jelly rubber and have no mechanical parts. Dildos made of glass or porcelain will require special packaging concerns -- wrap them well in soft cloth. Metal dildos will definitely go in your checked luggage. Strap-on harnesses usually have metal buckles or D-rings, and "packing" or wearing a harness with metal fixtures through any security line is not recommended. However, if you have a hot scene planned for the minute you get off the plane, you can wear a fabric or neoprene harness under your clothes, though travel might be more comfortable if you carry on the harness and change in the plane's lavatory before landing. Stow harnesses with metal in your check-in luggage, along with any and all S-M toys. Harnesses and kinky gear aren't cheap, and it would be a tragedy to come all the way from Indiana for the pre-Pride human pony tea party (or -- gasp! -- pulling the Pride pony cart) without your bridle. Replacing your S-M and fetish gear is expensive, while being the prettiest pony at Pride: priceless.
Be aware of the customs and social mores of the place you are traveling to. In Texas, they won't look kindly at a suitcase full of vibrators (possessing more than three is currently illegal in that state).