I'm submissive in and out of the bedroom (until you annoy me or piss me off). However, I seem to be getting a lot of guys that are either afraid to take control forcing me to break out of my submissive state, or just want to be a little sub boy which is a huge turn off to me.
Are there any hobbist that actually enjoys being the man in the bedroom?
- Danielle Reid
- 06-29-2013, 12:36 PM
- bule84
- 06-29-2013, 01:03 PM
Interesting post. I am dominant, but for me D/s play is a progression, I dont see how it will work in a hobby setting. At least for me it progressively gets kinkier, including things like bondage, which is not something that is appropriate for a one time meeting. I could take charge, telling someone what to do, spanking, hair pullling, dirty talk, etc but that only scratches the surface. Just my thoughts
- Danielle Reid
- 06-29-2013, 02:23 PM
Not talking about a D/S relationship. I had a few doms and they all turned out horrible. I'm talking about a guy that takes control and doesn't sit there like he's afraid to touch me.
- ElisabethWhispers
- 06-29-2013, 03:05 PM
MaryBeth,
VERY complex topic. I understand bule84's response because if a man is a true Dom, it's a serious matter. And he takes responsibility for his actions and controls yours, etc.
But some men, especially if they tell you that they're a Dom, are really just bullies. I wouldn't see someone who wants to visit with a submissive woman unless I knew him very well and set up some firm boundaries. I could write a few short chapters of poor experiences that I've had with clients who have told me that they're dominate.
Being a dominate male and practicing dominance as in BDSM are two different things.
This would be an excellent topic on one of the private female-only areas of Eccie.
I know what you're speaking of but really, American men just aren't, in this sphere, the type that are going to walk in and take control of the situation in a p4p context if they're gentleman.
Trust me, in the real world, you really do not want that. I know exactly what you're writing about, though. I do.
I LOVE a masculine man. But in THIS business, YOU need to be the one in charge of your environment. I hope that you don't mind me making some suggestions and offering some opinions.
It's very important to be the one who sets the tone of your appointment. There are too many variables, and dangers, to do otherwise.
There have been instances of extreme chemistry and a man just "had it" where he turned me upside down (sometimes literally), right side up and just had a very raw and appealing time. I adore that and sometimes, I've been known to get lost in the moment, however it's probably not a wise idea to do that very often.
But there needs to be that little inner voice telling you that you're aware of your surroundings and you're not getting lost with your current lover of the moment.
And then there are the orgasms that can start to happen and then they don't stop coming.
What you and I already know is that sometimes it's hard to think clearly when you're enjoying the company of a man. But men have an ability, if they're this type of person, to take advantage of that.
Being a submissive woman myself, I personally crave what you're asking about. It's rare that I have that type of connection. And now since I do so much alternative work, I rarely have those base type of encounters much anyway (and I miss them dearly!).
Funny. When I'm with groups of people, or with clients, most people see me as very aggressive and certainly assertive. But for a dominate type of Alpha male, he will (immediately) see right through me. And he'll always smile at me and just KNOW.
Bastard.
So cute sometimes.
It's not a bad thing. It's the way that women are wired. And it's different.
I don't date and often, I get my pleasure through playing around. However, when you're working and wanting to build a client base and a good one, you'll have to decide if you even wish to see submissive guys, especially if they're annoying to you.
And don't mistake someone being polite, and a bit uncomfortable with seeing a sex worker, with being submissive. There are plenty of men who will meet who really aren't submissive. They tend to like to go with the flow or just be agreeable.
That's not submissive play. That's just being polite and trying to figure out the playing field.
Two different animals.
I feel your pain.
Grin. Really, though, if this type of topic is one that you wish to delve into a bit more, I don't mind moving it to one of the local infoshare areas for you. I bet a lot of women would appreciate the discussion!
Such a good topic!
With wordy regard,
Elisabeth
VERY complex topic. I understand bule84's response because if a man is a true Dom, it's a serious matter. And he takes responsibility for his actions and controls yours, etc.
But some men, especially if they tell you that they're a Dom, are really just bullies. I wouldn't see someone who wants to visit with a submissive woman unless I knew him very well and set up some firm boundaries. I could write a few short chapters of poor experiences that I've had with clients who have told me that they're dominate.
Being a dominate male and practicing dominance as in BDSM are two different things.
This would be an excellent topic on one of the private female-only areas of Eccie.
I know what you're speaking of but really, American men just aren't, in this sphere, the type that are going to walk in and take control of the situation in a p4p context if they're gentleman.
Trust me, in the real world, you really do not want that. I know exactly what you're writing about, though. I do.
I LOVE a masculine man. But in THIS business, YOU need to be the one in charge of your environment. I hope that you don't mind me making some suggestions and offering some opinions.
It's very important to be the one who sets the tone of your appointment. There are too many variables, and dangers, to do otherwise.
There have been instances of extreme chemistry and a man just "had it" where he turned me upside down (sometimes literally), right side up and just had a very raw and appealing time. I adore that and sometimes, I've been known to get lost in the moment, however it's probably not a wise idea to do that very often.
But there needs to be that little inner voice telling you that you're aware of your surroundings and you're not getting lost with your current lover of the moment.
And then there are the orgasms that can start to happen and then they don't stop coming.
What you and I already know is that sometimes it's hard to think clearly when you're enjoying the company of a man. But men have an ability, if they're this type of person, to take advantage of that.
Being a submissive woman myself, I personally crave what you're asking about. It's rare that I have that type of connection. And now since I do so much alternative work, I rarely have those base type of encounters much anyway (and I miss them dearly!).
Funny. When I'm with groups of people, or with clients, most people see me as very aggressive and certainly assertive. But for a dominate type of Alpha male, he will (immediately) see right through me. And he'll always smile at me and just KNOW.
Bastard.
So cute sometimes.It's not a bad thing. It's the way that women are wired. And it's different.
I don't date and often, I get my pleasure through playing around. However, when you're working and wanting to build a client base and a good one, you'll have to decide if you even wish to see submissive guys, especially if they're annoying to you.
And don't mistake someone being polite, and a bit uncomfortable with seeing a sex worker, with being submissive. There are plenty of men who will meet who really aren't submissive. They tend to like to go with the flow or just be agreeable.
That's not submissive play. That's just being polite and trying to figure out the playing field.
Two different animals.
I feel your pain.
Grin. Really, though, if this type of topic is one that you wish to delve into a bit more, I don't mind moving it to one of the local infoshare areas for you. I bet a lot of women would appreciate the discussion!
Such a good topic!
With wordy regard,
Elisabeth
- ElisabethWhispers
- 06-29-2013, 03:09 PM
http://www.amazon.com/Pleasures-All-...re+is+all+mine
This was a really good book about being a professional submissive. I'm not suggesting this route for you, not at all, but it's a fun book to read.
EW
This was a really good book about being a professional submissive. I'm not suggesting this route for you, not at all, but it's a fun book to read.
EW
- Doc_rob
- 06-29-2013, 03:14 PM
Elizabeth - you are correct. This is a complex TOPIC. I am an Alpha Male but as a Dom I know that there is a thin line between being a Dom and abuse. I have met several Sub types that had Doms as partners but things got out of hand and a D/s sessions turned into an abuse session. Therefore, I am reluctant to leave any red marks on my subbie during a session. There are ways to enhance the BDSM experience without causing pain. One just needs to be a bit creative. Regards, Doc
- Guest112813-1
- 06-29-2013, 05:12 PM
And don't mistake someone being polite, and a bit uncomfortable with seeing a sex worker, with being submissive. There are plenty of men who will meet who really aren't submissive. They tend to like to go with the flow or just be agreeable.
That's not submissive play. That's just being polite and trying to figure out the playing field.
Elisabeth, so wise, so true.
That's not submissive play. That's just being polite and trying to figure out the playing field.
Elisabeth, so wise, so true.
- bule84
- 06-29-2013, 10:14 PM
Great post Elizabeth, and sums up why i dont (or very very seldom) see providers...a one time sexual encounter does nothing for me, even if you are a playboy model with a perfect body, it is just getting a nut in the end. Great sex begins in the mind, and it is seldom that will happen in the hobby world, not saying it can't, but not likely. Then if it does, where are u left? Wanting to see how it progresses and having to pay for every minute of the time I spend with someone...not for me. But i do enjoy the boards and the banter. Just had to weigh in on this one
- Nicolet
- 06-29-2013, 11:52 PM
I have been a bit confused by this topic. I have been viewed as a domme when it is not really in my nature. I even contemplated being a domme, but I really don't think I would be very good at it. However, I am aggressive. Especially if I am attracted to a man, which is almost always the case. I have had a man take me firmly in his arms and my passion just flows, but THEN I turn the tables on him! I will do to him what he did to me, and more and then up the ante, so to speak. I'll do things to him that I would never allow done to me.
I don't think I could ever go so far as to allow a man to fully dominate me, although if the chemistry was right, there is no telling what I may allow. Even with that statement, I sound aggressive! Oh well!
I don't think I could ever go so far as to allow a man to fully dominate me, although if the chemistry was right, there is no telling what I may allow. Even with that statement, I sound aggressive! Oh well!
- SknyDiva
- 06-30-2013, 01:14 AM
- SknyDiva
- 06-30-2013, 01:16 AM
I have been a bit confused by this topic. I have been viewed as a domme when it is not really in my nature. I even contemplated being a domme, but I really don't think I would be very good at it. However, I am aggressive. Especially if I am attracted to a man, which is almost always the case. I have had a man take me firmly in his arms and my passion just flows, but THEN I turn the tables on him! I will do to him what he did to me, and more and then up the ante, so to speak. I'll do things to him that I would never allow done to me.you are domme
I don't think I could ever go so far as to allow a man to fully dominate me, although if the chemistry was right, there is no telling what I may allow. Even with that statement, I sound aggressive! Oh well! Originally Posted by Nicolet
please ma'am!!
- bathwater
- 06-30-2013, 01:25 AM
I'm in a solid real time relationship where my lady has defiantly been around the block, she is very open to any and all on a monogamous level...all the while she sends me strong messages she wants me to be in charge. It's just not something that happens overnight. Fears, apprehensions and knowledge play a major role in making it happen.
I agree it's a progressive role, one that I want to experiment and develop at the same time the question I have is how, or what is expected by the sub during the learning curve so try putting yourself in each others shoes while at the same time communication at a high, uninhibited level is crucial. What I have found to be a key is enjoying finding out what doesn't work. Lol
Think about it...and enjoy just letting each step lead to the next level.
My question is can you obtain the purity you are looking for strictly from a hobby relationship?
I agree it's a progressive role, one that I want to experiment and develop at the same time the question I have is how, or what is expected by the sub during the learning curve so try putting yourself in each others shoes while at the same time communication at a high, uninhibited level is crucial. What I have found to be a key is enjoying finding out what doesn't work. Lol
Think about it...and enjoy just letting each step lead to the next level.
My question is can you obtain the purity you are looking for strictly from a hobby relationship?
- icansmile
- 06-30-2013, 02:35 PM
This topic has bewildered me since I first stumbled upon ASPD and now EECIE. There is a lot of judgement regarding a guy that expresses a desire to "dominate". It is allowed, even encouraged, for providers to be dominant, and in control, but proceed at your own risk if the roles are reversed. I understand that providers have to maintain control to be safe, and that alone can make the "submissive" aspects very difficult. I gave up long ago seeking providers for this aspect of my world. In this open forum of enlightened minds, a ma nwho expresses dominant tendencies is quickly labeled in a negative manner. This includes Moderators jumping on board. So I enjoy the ladies for what they allow and offer, and move along. Happy Sunday!
- Riverseeker
- 06-30-2013, 10:39 PM
MaryBeth, someone told me to look up this thread and I'm glad he did. I'm going to have to meet with you soon and show you that there are still some men in Arkansas who like to take charge. BTW I love your face shots.
- Danielle Reid
- 07-02-2013, 05:15 AM
MaryBeth, someone told me to look up this thread and I'm glad he did. I'm going to have to meet with you soon and show you that there are still some men in Arkansas who like to take charge. BTW I love your face shots. Originally Posted by ConwayDudePlease do. I'm starting to lose hope. All the guys I've seen so far have been very sweet, but damnit I've had enough sugar!!!
(okay not all, there's one that really made me want to stay an extra hour for free but he's not from Arkansas so he doesn't help this state in the manly battle).