OK, SO I had a total hip replacement operation. I woke up in recovery and everything seemed alright, but as the last procedure of the day, it was late. Finally got into a hospital room and they settled me in.
So there I am, flat on my back with pneumatic cuffs wrapped around my lower legs and the legs strapped to a foam wedge to keep everything immobile . . . .and now I have to pee. Everyone goes on about how they make you stand and walk right after surgery, but it is too late to get that evaluation from the physical therapy professional, and the nurses will not let me get up. They give me a plastic bottle.
That is not working. With all the trauma to my thigh and near by crotch, there is numbness, swelling and shrinkage. I mean George Costanza scale shrinkage. Never a big man to start with, I jam my stuff into the mouth of the urinal bottle and it looked like half a can of Vienna Sausage. And I still can't pee. The Nurse says don't worry, If you cant do it before 10PM we will use a catheter. The clock says 8PM and I am in a world of hurt, so I tell her do it NOW.
Family and friends clear the room and my nurse, her assistant and the Charge Nurse for the floor come back with the gear . . .I lay back in significant discomfort with my dress pulled up to my chin. Everything is still somewhat numb from the operation and I don't really feel much until bladder relief begins.
So I sit up a little and I see two Asian women, one 38-40 the other under 25, and both gorgeous-to-hot. Looking back, each was 9/10 on the AMP scale. They are professionally handling my junk. . . in a medical way. They turn to look at me , smile and inform me just how much (a lot) is draining from my bladder.
There is no reaction from my equipment, no feeling of arousal, just bladder relief. And I am thinking that the only way to get that later will involve a Mama-San and $400!