I Screwed Up and Fell for a Provider

I don't even know where to begin. I thought I was smarter than this, I thought I understood the game and could keep all of this under control, thus getting the release that I needed to stay in a sexless, and apparently loveless marriage. I met this waitress at one of the clubs a while back, she approached me and gave me a definite impression. We ended up going to VIP and having a fantastic time. Before long we were playing OTC and it was great, long sessions, lots of good convo, laughing, eating out, etc. I began to fall in love with her, even though I was pretty sure that to her this was just business. But, I was enjoying this so much I didn't want to stop. I recently became aware of the fact that she is doing VIP with other guys and this shattered the illusion I had that "I was special" and that she was just seeing me on the side and accepting my gifts as she could use a little extra money. I began to feel jealous, I did not and will not express this openly other than here. Because it is stupid for me to feel this way. Even though I knew our arrangement was business, I felt that she treated me special and felt SOMETHING for me. I think she does enjoy our time together, but I stupidly thought I was the only one she was entertaining.

What I do not understand is how this happened, I have seen several strippers over the years and several providers, many of them have been quite fun and I enjoyed them, but when I left I felt good and had no illusions as to what was going on. Some how or another I lost control on this one. Now, I feel miserable most of the time when I am not with her. I can be in a good mood and if she doesn't text back from work for an hour or better I envision that she is with another guy in VIP taking care of him. Now... it is important that you realize something.... I have never been jealous in my life, I often used to think it would be a turn on to have girlfriend that was a stripper and watch her from across the room giving lap dances. Somehow, now I am not so sure.

Now I don't know what to do. I know I should quit seeing her, but I feel as if no other stripper/provider can replace her. I have thought maybe it is time to leave my marriage so that I can enter into a normal healthy relationship, but I am hesitant to do that. I have two kids that are in high school and I made a commitment years ago to myself not screw up again like I did in my first marriage. I think that what I have realized is that I miss intimacy, she woke that up in me and now I am stuck.

I have not mentioned any of this to her or anyone, there is no one that I can admit any of this to. So I just wanted to throw this out there, that maybe just getting it off my chest will help me to realize that I need to just give up the hobby, take up fishing, forget about her, and ever having intimacy. I apparently didn't need it six months ago, I can get over it. But I don't want to.

I doubt any of this made any sense, but thanks for listening.

Have you gone to counseling with your wife? Have you told her you feel like youre in a loveless, sexless marriage? Start there but be nice about and see her reaction. She may surprise you. I was surprised with mine. My Avitar pretty much sums up what she said and why Im here. My kids are in High School too and I will wait until they are out to do anything. For now, I will just enjoy my friends here. Good luck...

That's such a turn on watching your girlfriend with another man!!! I just might post that in the iso?

2 things:
1) Slap yourself silly each time you go down that road
2) It's all in YOUR mind

You need a slump buster! Try 10 more new hot ones and if you still feel that same way.... try 10 more! Get my drift!

Yes sir, you did screw up. When you reach a point to where you think the ladies are seeing you for anything except your money, it's time to step back and take a hard look at what this is all about.

If you are seeing someone and not paying them then it's no longer a hobby, it is a date.

If you are paying for their time, it is not a date.

All men are "special" to the ladies as long as we have the $$$.

All the ladies are "special" to us as long as they provide the service we ask for, for the $$$.

When it becomes personal, step away. I realize this is not great advice, and advice is not what you asked for, but it is good advice.

The fastest way to answer all your questions that are in your mind is to tell her face to face...

SL beat me to it, but ya... was gonna make the cliché suggestion of seeing a great provider or two ASAP to help put things in perspective. Guys don't talk about it much publicly, but developing feelings for providers is very common... you're not an idiot or anything!

Been there done that - Rx:
Take two hookers and call me in the morning

Thats not entirely true as I probably would not have seen alot of guys ifI wasnt a provider my regs that I have been seeing a while I do care about and even if there not physically attractive to what I would date in the RW, I find my self extremely attracted to them now and when we have our time, its special, some times they just tell me to relax and I dont have to do nothing, sometimes my getnswill book a hh and they stay an hour because I am enjoying there company. BUT.... When they leave I know and they know thats were the attraction stops, they go home to there wifes and all and I do my thing. I give them advice in there marriage, maybe tellthem to trysomething on there wife and let me know how it goes.
I am sorry that your feelings are hurt , it is hardto not have some type of feelingswhen you spend alotof time with eachother, but you have to not cross boundries, and to some that might be hard, but if you choose to play in this game thats something that you will have to deal with. Again sorry yourheart is broken and I am sure thats not what she wanted, she probably doesnt even know that you feel that way, she probably thinks you feel the same as her and probably figures shes not the only one that you see so.... Maybe you should step away from her for a little bit, play the field and see what else is out there to play with, that might help you.

I also enjoy the time that I spend with my regulars, but I have had a few overstep boundaries.

This is incredibly uncomfortable for a provider. She may giggle and call you silly or say she likes you too, but inside she's freaking out. We are all here to have fun. When someone gets jealous and possessive, it stops being fun.

Unless you are willing to take her off the market and make sure her needs (including financial), it wpould probably be best to walk away. My experience is that once these feelings start, they don't go away.

Good luck!

It sounds like you've met a siren... it's been written about a lot in classic mythology.. including a scene a the Where Art Thou movie. Don't feel bad, it happens to most of us.

I also enjoy the time that I spend with my regulars, but I have had a few overstep boundaries.

This is incredibly uncomfortable for a provider. She may giggle and call you silly or say she likes you too, but inside she's freaking out. We are all here to have fun. When someone gets jealous and possessive, it stops being fun.

Unless you are willing to take her off the market and make sure her needs (including financial), it wpould probably be best to walk away. My experience is that once these feelings start, they don't go away.

Good luck! Originally Posted by Kiera

Women are smart.. exclusivity is a two way street with them.. she may have feelings for you too but she knows you have a wife and a couple of kids to take care of as well.. she also has bills to pay and if men will help with her finances that is business for her.. Only in her heart do you know where you fall.. she also knows that if you leave your wife for her then you are a great conversation away from leaving her.. how we meet people forms a trust.. the way you met this waitress there will always be doubt in your mind and hers about what is real.. You are not alone in falling for a waitress, stripper, or provider.. They are attractive and they are nice to you almost all of the time.. That is their livelihood in some cases. As with any other business they ( provider) are driven to give good service or they will not do as well financially.. Women do however have a desire to love and to be loved and once you have their love and devotion it is a wonderful thing indeed.

Nothing is black & white, even in the hobby. We are only human. It sounds like boundaries were crossed, wether intentional or not. You caught some feelings. Hate it when that happens!!

So she awakened something you lack at home. And nothing feels more lonely than being in a sexless marriage with no intimacy.

I do not know the parameters or boundaries you two set or if you set any at all. Sometimes even when boundaries are set and clearly defined, we see what we want to see.

She could very well have feelings for you or using you or a little of both.
One thing that sucks in the hobby, neither of you will likely trust the other.

If you want to know how she feels ask her. Then quit letting her benefit from you financially for a good while..then you will have your answer! Maybe?

It really sucks when girls use their vaginas/head games & men use their $ and or head games to manipulate.
I despise it when people take advantage of another person, using their feelings for them to manipulate to get whatever they want. I hate those games.

That is one reason why I am in the hobby. Sad but true. I feel your pain. That is a shitty place to be. I sincerely hope you get it all figured out.

Maybe go to counseling for yourself...without the wife and give yourself some time away from the girl???

Goodluck.

I would have to guess or conclude that she is probably where Shayla is with some of her favorite clients as far as I am concerned. I have not told the lady out right how I feel, I have eluded to it and come as close as I dare. I agree with Kiera, if I were to go any further it would be inappropriate and I have avoided it, because I do not want to scare her off. What I want is for these feelings to go away, and be able to enjoy the wonderful times that we have together without the entanglements. If I cant get there soon, I will have to walk away, I am just hoping that I can avoid having to do that.

I also understand where most of the guy are coming from, hell I have read so many times over the past few years about guys falling, and I have always thought "How stupid can you be". That is why I am so surprised to find myself in this predicament.

I guess, the best way to get where I want to be is step away for a while and see how things change. Maybe take a short break from the hobby altogether.

Where is my fishing rod? Hell, better yet, I just need to get another sailboat.