Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you
that I'm leaving you forever!
I've been a good man to you for seven
years and I have nothing to show
for it.
These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that
you quit your job today and that was the
last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I
had a new haircut, had cooked
your favorite meal and even wore a brand
new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or
anything that connects us
as husband and wife..
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever
the case, I'm gone.
You're EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me.
Your SISTER and I are moving away to
West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dear Ex-Husband -
Nothing has made my day more complete
than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married
for seven years, although a good
man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much
because they drown out your constant
whining and griping.
Too bad that it doesn't work.
I DID notice when you
got a hair cut last week, but
the first thing that came to mind was
'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me
not to say anything
if you can't say something nice,
I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with
MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned
away from you because the $49.99
price tag was still on them, and I
prayed that it was a coincidence that
my sister had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and
felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for ten million
dollars , I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica ...
But when I got home you were
gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I
guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you have always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a
dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S.
I don't know if I ever told you
this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
