Taking it up the azz, and paying for it.

Never been in jail, never been gay or bi, so outside of a yearly checkup which the prostrate is checked, the azz is virgin territory.

Seeing one of my parents had colorectal cancer, my MD had told me that at 50 I needed a colonoscopy as a part of my yearly well man exam. Well, I am a few years past 50, and as time went on, I knew myself that I needed this test.

One of my parents had to have several colonoscopys after they had a bout with colon cancer. Basically my mother had a cancer in the anus or lower part of the bowel, and they gave her a full bore colostomy, which was a terrible surgery. This was in the late 70's. She had yearly colonoscopys and she had always told me the worst part was the prep for the test. She mentioned taking some sort of soapy liquid to clean out her system. Those facts, plus a couple of more led me to not wanting to mess with this test.

On my side, outside of removing tonsils I have never been in a hospital. I have had a couple of teeth removed, but that under a local and some funny gas. I have never had an IV, ever. Call me lucky.

This year it had been 5 years since my MD had heavily suggested (demanded is a bit too strong) a colonoscopy. Earlier this year, my wife had her gall bladder removed, and I promised her that as soon as we got her well, I would really consider a colonoscopy.

That time had come, and she was a over her gall bladder surgery.

We chose her doctor and made a visit. As soon as he found out I was in my mid-50s with a parent with colon cancer, he told me we really needed to set up and appointment for a colonoscopy. He was more demanding than my regular MD, and he had my wife on his side. We talked about the prep and he said that there is another way to prep outside of that liquid, so he gave me a bottle of pills and we set up an appointment. My only demand is that I would be first appointment of the day. Never even having an IV, I knew I would be very anxious and probably scared of the unknown.

So the appointment was set up.

The way to prep now a days is actually very simple and painless. You are given a bottle of pills named OSMOPREP (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000498) which basically induces diarrhea, which will clean out your system. You can't eat the whole day before and must be on a clear liquid diet. Sprite caught hell these two days.

With OSMOPREP what you do is take 4 pills at 4...4:15....4:30.....4:45....a nd 5 pm. You take these pills along with 8 ounces of clear liquid. The pills are tasteless and easy to swallow.

At around 5:30, the system was starting to move. I would describe it like having a stomach virus, without nausea or a stomach ache. The need to go to the restroom isn't all of a sudden where you race to the commode, but you know when it hits, you can make a simple walk to the can.

I also had to repeat this same system at 8 pm. 4 pills at 8......8:15....and 8:30 again with 8 ounces of clear fluid with each ration of pills. At 8:30 all the pills were taken and outside of an occasional trip to the can, it wasn't bad at all. No nausea or stomach cramps. I just had diarrhea.

I did have to get up a couple of times during the night to cleanse my system, but it wasn't get up and run to the can, there is plenty of notice that it was time to go.

I arrived at the doctors office and went straight to prep. I had never had any trips to the clinic or hospital before for surgery or tests of this nature.

I stripped down and put on a gown and was taken to the scope room. Being first of the day, I wasn't in some sort of ward, but was placed straight on the bed. The nurses started hooking me up with three sticky monitors, and wrapped a blood pressure monitor to my arm. Now for my very first IV. I thought all IV's went through the hand, but she looked for a place on my arm. I really wanted it in my hand, so she agreed to put it there. Nothing to it at all, but a quick stick. After a minute, I forgot it was there.

Next the doctor comes in. I had told the nurses before this that I was really anxious and asked if we could just knock me out, but they could not do that till the doctor got to the room. The last thing I remember was a nurse putting a more meds in my IV.

I was OUT!

The next thing I remember is sitting in the bed and the IV being removed, which was totally painless. I got dressed and my wife told me what all the doctor told her. A small polyp was found and removed and the doctor is 99.9999% sure it was non cancerous. I will need a follow up visit sometime in August.

One joke I had told the nurse that if she found gerbil footprints in my colon, not to think bad about me, and come to find out after surgery when I was in the twilight zone, I retold that joke about 3 times, but I don't remember a thing, which includes talking to the doctor.

Basically it wasn't bad at all. It was done in the doctors clinic, not at some outpatient clinic or hospital. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.

Some other quick thoughts. I have never felt this vulnerable before, so totally out of control. I am not used to people doing everything for me. I guess I was totally helpless, and under the control of other people with my life in their hands.

The prep wasn't bad at all. The pills were tasteless, and even though I had to take 32 of them, IMHO it was better than drinking a bunch of liquid.

Many trips to the can were OK when you look at the big picture, which was to get closure in the health of your colon. As mentioned before, no nausea or cramps.

Given a choice I will always be first, nothing worse than having a 10:00am appointment and having the doctor run late and your 10 am turns into a 11:30 am.

The prep in the room was minimal. I was surprised by the monitors, but all they were is stickies to your chest area.

The colonoscopy was a non item. I was OUT.

The recovery was also a non item, I don't remember a thing but being told to get dressed and that I could go home.

After getting home, I ate a quick breakfast and went back to bed to sleep the rest of the day. Some gas, but the system had been cleaned out, so there wasn't any more diarrhea. There is no pain or any discomfort in the anal region, where the probe entered my body.

The next time I should have to do this is 2015, and maybe at that time there will be other ways to check the colon, rectum, and anus.

But the biggest question is this. DJ, why are you posting this?

Good question and here is my answer. There is a lot of traffic on this site and a lot of people will read this. There may be some that need this exam done, some with good answers from friends, some without a clue. A buddy of mine told me two years ago that he took a series of pills instead of that foul tasting fluid, so I am telling many others there are other ways to prep for this exam. Maybe someone will PM me with fears or questions that I can help them with.

Who knows, given a couple of years, that polyp found could be a cancer. Maybe someone who is on the fence about this test will get off the fence, and get this painless exam done. I don't work for any doctor or pharmacy company, so there is nothing to gain, except telling friends about my experience.

....NO HOMO

Thanks Dear John for Sharing.
Been thinking about it and you helped.

Now prostate exam. : (

DJ, like you I am in my early to mid 50's. My Dr. recommended this test for me, too.

Ordinarily it wouldn't bother me to do it. However I was laid off two years ago so now cost is a BIG issue since I still only do contract work when I can find it and have to buy my own insurance which has a $5K deductible.

I did read Dave Barry's tale of this test and while he was hilarious, it shows that the test isn't that bad. I am glad to hear about the pills. Others I know who have had to drink the liquid complained not only about how bad it tasted but about how hard it was to drink all that was required. Apparently its quite a lot and some people feel bloated before they can finish it.

There is no history of this kind of problem in my family but it couldn't hurt to check.

One question, if I may. Since they knocked you out, did they require that you have a driver to bring you home? That would be a sticking point with me.

Thanks for the heads up.

A good, and very important, post D_J. Thanks and I hope alot of guys read it and take note.

I, too, finally broke down and had one done earlier this year. Guys, it's really not that bad. The day before is the worst part. Like he said, you're OUT and don't know a thing. It's painless and it can save your life!

You should have used the review form. You might have gotten credit.

I'm like you D_J. I've had an IV but I've never been put under or totally dependent(the closest thing was NO2 for wisdom teeth extraction) so that type of procedure or any kind of hospital visit gets the anxiety meter on full alert.
I'm also nervous about what I might say!

I'm not quite 50 but my family history suggests I have it done soon. Your post has certainly made that decision easier. Thanks for the great info.

Thanks for posting that. Very helpful and informative. I still have another year to wait. Both of my brothers have had them and they're pussies so I figure how bad can it be then. So did you ask them for a replay so you could watch the snake do it's work?

I need a cig

DJ - Thanks for sharing this personal experience which will be valuable for a lot of members here

proper

Thanks for sharing DearJohn. Been there and done that. Glad I did. The Dr found a few polyps that would have turned into cancer in a few years.

Colon cancer is one of the top five killers of men and women. My MD couldn't have been more concise. He said it's one of the few cancers you can put a spotlight on and NIP IT IN THE BUD.

Man up. Get 'er done. You'll be glad you did.

Take it up the azz! lol

Dave Barry writes some funny crap about his colonoscopy. I had to harp on my ex endlessly until he finally made his appointment (over a year late) and he was a big baby about the whole thing. When I picked him up he was still a total space cadet, after a margarita with lunch he was in la la land for the rest of the day which was good because he was too fucked up to whine.

One question, if I may. Since they knocked you out, did they require that you have a driver to bring you home? That would be a sticking point with me.
Originally Posted by 1Curiousguy

Of course you can ask.

Per my doctor instruction sheet given to me before the test. "You will be sedated. You MUST have someone drive you home. You should also have someone with you 4-6 hours after you are home. Family members or driver will need to stay at the clinic until you are discharged home. The physician will need to speak with them after your procedure."

They also had me sign a sheet about this statement and also had more written instructions about not making major decisions, driving, or drinking alcohol the same day.

I don't even remember speaking to the doctor, plus I wouldn't have been able to drive home. My wife mentioned that I spoke to the doctor, but was too 'out' to remember that. At 6'1" and 280 I am a pretty big ole fellow, but the knock out meds are given on and empty stomach, and I mean 'empty' stomach.

DJ,
Thanks for sharing your experience, I just rolled over 50 and know this is in my future and am not looking forward to it. It is bad enough my body is breaking down as it is, I go in tomorrow to get my gall bladder pulled. Not looking forward to that as I love food, but hate the pain more. Your story will hopefully get one person to go that may not and it could possibly save their life.

TD

Of course you can ask.

Per my doctor instruction sheet given to me before the test. "You will be sedated. You MUST have someone drive you home. You should also have someone with you 4-6 hours after you are home. Family members or driver will need to stay at the clinic until you are discharged home. The physician will need to speak with them after your procedure."

They also had me sign a sheet about this statement and also had more written instructions about not making major decisions, driving, or drinking alcohol the same day.

I don't even remember speaking to the doctor, plus I wouldn't have been able to drive home. My wife mentioned that I spoke to the doctor, but was too 'out' to remember that. At 6'1" and 280 I am a pretty big ole fellow, but the knock out meds are given on and empty stomach, and I mean 'empty' stomach. Originally Posted by DEAR_JOHN

That's the best part! Have your driver take you out for lunch and drinks before going home to veg out all day.

DJ,
Thanks for sharing your experience, I just rolled over 50 and know this is in my future and am not looking forward to it. It is bad enough my body is breaking down as it is, I go in tomorrow to get my gall bladder pulled. Not looking forward to that as I love food, but hate the pain more. Your story will hopefully get one person to go that may not and it could possibly save their life.

TD Originally Posted by TexasDesperado

Good luck amigo with your gall bladder 'pull'. What a great term, because basically that is exactly what they do is pull out the gall bladder. My wife had this earlier this year, and the only thing that really bothered her was the gas (that was put in her stomach to expand the body to make using micro instruments easier) stayed with her longer than we expected.

I found this read very interesting.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...bladder24.html